Does befriending LO's SO work to ease out of the LE?

[WishMagick]

The day I went out with LO's wife was an emotional rollercoaster. I saw him twice that day. Very briefly, but two times in one day nonetheless. One of those times we did not directly look at each other or interact at all. Which felt like a punch in the stomach since all I want from him is his attention and for him to acknowledge me. But, he withholds that.

After the day ended, I felt so good about the friendship that I am forming with his wife. And the way she talks about him makes everything more real. She loves him so much. They seem perfect for each other. The whole time we were out, I didn't think of him, except when she mentioned him. I was able to detach myself and just listen as a true friend. No feelings attached to what I heard about him.

When I saw him again when we came back, I forgot all that and couldn't stop thinking about how different he is around me now. He actually seemed sad. She asked him if he was ok and the way he answered was that he really wasn't, but had to lie a bit because everyone was there watching and listening to his answer. Which breaks my heart. I genuinely care for him, as a human being. And I know that he is not my problem and if something is up, I'm sure his wife is there for him and he will be alright. But, I am still so sad that he doesn't want to be my friend. Even if I know being friends isn't good.

After all that, I went home and I usually fantasize about him immediately. Well, I couldn't!!! As a test, I even TRIED to and I just couldn't. The raw sexual energy between us wasn't really there. I mean, I still think he's one of the most beautiful creatures I've ever seen in my whole life, but, I wasn't feeling the pull. Does that have something to do with me getting closer to his wife?

Whenever I've had friends, their husbands were of NO interest to me. They were completely off limits in every way. I was friends with a husband and wife couple when I was young, friends with them for years and I never even flirted with her husband. But, of course, I was never attracted to them.

Has anyone befriended their LO's SO before? And did it help to snap you out of your LE?
I felt something different that day, but I've slipped back into it because I'm in deep. And I can't go full NC because he's NEXT DOOR and now I am growing closer to his wife, so NC is not possible for me.

I broke my NC rule of texting him yesterday. I thought going NC there would be easy for me because he just doesn't respond to me. Well, he responds to my questions immediately. I asked if I left something in his house and he replied in less than a minute. Pssht.
I was feening for a hit to see him, so I went over to get it and even had him come reach the thing I was looking for because it was up too high and he is so tall...ugh.

He seemed so sad. So it wasn't a super dizzying high for me this time. I am so concerned about him. I want to ask him if he's ok - but I know I can't do that!!!

[NoDayDreaming]

i don't have that exactly experience, but i suspect the answer is: no.
befriending LO's SO sounds like a desire to get closer to him through her. when i was in LE i wanted my SO to befriend LO for the same reason. of course it didn't work and my SO saw through it.

[WishMagick]

befriending LO's SO sounds like a desire to get closer to him through her.

Not for me. When I hear her talk about him, it makes it more real that these are real people who really love each other and I don't want to mess that up. I also know that whatever she says about him, however good it is, is something that I will NEVER know. I mean, come on. This is her husband of 6 years and the father of her two children. She gets a side of him that I would never have. He's wonderful to her and for her.

Have you ever seen that show Black Mirror? There's an episode where someone blocked someone out of their life, like erased them - the way you can on Facebook. They just never saw them or heard from them again. That is like what he's done with me. The closest you can get to that.

I can't get close to him through her because if he ever gave me anything, it would be totally different. That's a him I will never know.
And it really ups the guilt factor. I've been thinking about it a lot since I posted this and I really think this is the way forward for me. I already feel different towards him since my realization that I have a new, real friend in my life now. And I think part of the reason why I was so obsessed with becoming his friend is because I don't have many friends (that are close by) and I guess I am just desperate for friends in general. And his wife likes me and we have tons in common.

[NoDayDreaming]

i agree about that friend thing. i noticed that sometimes we just need very close friends. but if our brains are messed up and desperate, we make limerence from a friendship, and that backfires and destroys the friendships.

[WishMagick]

but if our brains are messed up and desperate, we make limerence from a friendship, and that backfires and destroys the friendships.

I always get crushes on my friends.

The last close friend I had, I really feel like I was legit in love with her and we had a falling out because she broke my heart by not making enough time to see me!!! I cared for her much more than she cared for me. I was and still am pretty devastated.

I am such an intense person. I'm not for everyone! Haha!

[NoDayDreaming]

i don't want to brag about myself, but after recovering from the last LE, i matured emotionally, and have enough insights into my emotions and emotional self-regulation, that i seem to be resistant to limerence for now. but it wasn't a single fix, more like a year long journey, very painful at times. sometimes your ego/self has to die to be reborn a better person.

[WishMagick]

@NoDayDreaming,

That sounds great. I would imagine if you come out on the other side of a particularly difficult LE that you would mature emotionally. I had a pretty bad 6 year long LE when I was younger and I came out better. I obviously still have a long way to go and that is why I find myself in a similar predicament at this point in my life.

Though, I'm not interested in becoming less intense. It's frustrating at times, I'll admit. There aren't many people like me. And there aren't many people who aren't like me, but who appreciate people like me. I feel like I'm part of a special club. I feel like my strong emotions are what let me experience life in a way that others don't.

I don't think I would be a creative person and be so fulfilled by what I create if I were any different. But, I would like to learn more control over certain emotions. That would be helpful! Hahhaa!

[NoDayDreaming]

i agree with you. if you're an artist, your sensitivity fuels your creativity. i consider myself a sensitive person and i gravitate toward similar persons, but i'm not artistic nor creative. some of us have to be scientist types, LOL.

[WishMagick]

My husband is the sensitive scientist type! And he can definitely handle my intensity!!

[peter.rabbit]

i don't have that exactly experience, but i suspect the answer is: no.
befriending LO's SO sounds like a desire to get closer to him through her. when i was in LE i wanted my SO to befriend LO for the same reason. of course it didn't work and my SO saw through it.

Yea, Anybody watch Nurse Jacky? I have the utmost empathy towards fellow Limerents, but this behavior resembles stalking. Not judging, just saying.