Bridget wrote: ↑Mon Nov 04, 2019 11:38 pm
I think I would feel even better if some one actually prepared these meals for me!
And don't forget chocolate! Exercise. Drugs. Alcohol.
Actually come to think of it. If I took all of the above would that help me to form healthy bonds given they increase oxytocin? Or do they increase dopamine? Do I need both oxytocin and dopamine or... ?
So if we hug our partners more, it reduces the obsession of limerence and repairs our relationship through the bonding hormone oxytocin. I would say yes and no, in my situation.
Yes as in all relationships need TLC (extra care, attention, affection - where your attention goes your energy flows). And no in terms of what I've observed on here. No amount of 'partner time' replaces the desire for LO.
Our bodies, tend to naturally aim for homeostasis. So it doesn't matter what one ingests, the body always tries to return it back to its original state. Hence the highs and lows because highs are unsustainable. Pity about the lows though. The homeostasis theory doesn't seem to apply with regards to depression where the brain/body chemicals need intervention.
I think like you said, we can get oxytocin from many places and I'd even say from meditation and spiritual practices where we feel more connected with the world.
As for teaching ourselves how to form healthy bonds to replace trauma bonds. It does sound do-able, though one would have to be extremely careful they weren't adding more fuel to an already damaged union between partners. I mean, I could form a really close bond with the opposite gender (actually gender doesn't matter in my situation), however, that could cause more damage to my primary relationship if there was anything even remotely rocky there.
Thus. If I'm going to practice healthy attachment, i need to start with myself first, and then my partner, children and parents second. It reminds me of this old saying 'it's best to clean up our own backyard first'.
Great thread!
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald