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Midlife Women: Hormones Might Be At Play

A section to post what worked for you in your healing, recovery and growth. Includes some useful stickies from more experienced members of this forum.
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Havb
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Re: Midlife Women: Hormones Might Be At Play

Post by Havb » Sun Dec 17, 2017 1:40 pm

Spinnaker wrote:
Fri Dec 15, 2017 5:51 am
Limerence crept in as my hormones were raging. Hot flashes and messed up cycles were there and I seriously felt like an animal in heat.... and I recall writing that it feels like my body is screaming "Find the Alpha!" I had NO interest in having another child (tubal ligation) but my body was yelling "last call"!! :ymparty: =p~ :)] :-bd
Now I am 50 and I've only knowingly ovulated 4 or 5 times in over 2 years.

My libido is what I would refer to as CRAZY AS HELL :-o 10 during those ovulating months. In between I have been an 8. Before limerence I was a 6. There was liberating side effect to my LE which I'm thinking might keep me buoyant once I hit menopause. I doubt if I'll ever be at 6 again. :ympray:
I can relate--LO started in August when my cycles were at their craziest, but sometimes I wonder if it's a chicken and egg thing. Which came first? The heightened libido triggered by LE, thus influencing hormone levels, or the other way around? I am so starting to think that for me, LE concretely impacted my cycles for a while, and made symptoms worse. For now, the crazy libido seems limited to a week in the month.
“Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better.” -Samuel Beckett

AMA210
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Re: Midlife Women: Hormones Might Be At Play

Post by AMA210 » Sun Dec 17, 2017 2:52 pm

One would think that a male LO would "know" not to encourage the LS female, especially if middle aged, because they are very aware of the changes in midlife. Unfortunately, the reality is that most LO's and men, in general, are clueless.

From my own experience, when I told LO that he is so hot and drives me insane, he said he was cute snd that should be the first clue that something is terribly wrong here.

It would be interesting to hear about this from a male perspective.
52 years old, married for 27 years
LE was 22 months

"Always moving forward"

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Spinnaker
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Re: Midlife Women: Hormones Might Be At Play

Post by Spinnaker » Sun Dec 17, 2017 6:06 pm

Havb
Mine only lasts one week per month too. It seems to coincide with ovulation. In addition, I think that the ovulation fuels the desire. That being said, I think the level of excitement has an effect on frequency causes a craving for more. =p~

Aqua

Telling LO you have a burning desire for him (IMO) should not somehow make him the least bit responsible to behave differently. The problem is with LS. Even if he flirted, I think it was your responsibility to deal with their out of control desires. I recall reading the posts back then and thinking huh hd doesnt seem to be fanning the flames just by doing his job. He walked by your car...its not like he leaned in the window and complimented how sexy you look . Its so easy to want to assign the blame. Limerence had you in its grips and it's easy to point the finger at LO rather than recognize it's your problem, not his.
"We live in a fantasy world, a world of illusion. The great task in life is to find reality."
Iris Murdoch

AnjiTheDestroyer
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Re: Midlife Women: Hormones Might Be At Play

Post by AnjiTheDestroyer » Sun Dec 17, 2017 6:50 pm

hardly being a middle aged female i have not any comments to make, but just wanted to thank the OP--who i now see is online-- for starting this thread that attacks the issue from a physiological standpoint.
Ignore.Satisfy.Understand

Radey
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Re: Midlife Women: Hormones Might Be At Play

Post by Radey » Sun Dec 24, 2017 8:07 pm

ReeledIn wrote:
Sun Dec 17, 2017 5:15 am
Radey wrote:
Sat Dec 16, 2017 5:34 pm
I have no desire for sex with anyone not even myself. I don’t notice men anymore (including SO) and have no thoughts about sex. Everything sex seems to have died along with the LE. I have confidence that the self awareness and changes I am making to my life will shield me from future LE. Once is bad enough!
Radey, I can't tell if you are happy about this or not? I'm kind of in the same boat.
Hi Reeledin

Hope you are doing good? Sorry it’s taken me so long to respond to your comment. I have been trying to focus 100% on my new job/career. To answer your question, I am happy with the current no sex desire situation. It is helping me to maintain my focus on learning to love myself and to stabilise my emotions generally. I don’t know how I will feel tomorrow but I am learning to deal with today’s issues and not worry about tomorrow. I have neglected myself for too long. A few days ago I was reminded that the bible says’love your neighbour as yourself’. There is an assumption that you love yourself!
I still care for my family as usual but now I try to find time for myself doing things that I enjoy apart from sex and romance.

Have a merry Christmas everyone!

Havb
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Re: Midlife Women: Hormones Might Be At Play

Post by Havb » Sun Dec 24, 2017 9:54 pm

Spinnaker sorry I did not see your reply to me sooner. I don’t blame hormones for this LE, but am glad the temporary through the roof libido has passed!
“Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better.” -Samuel Beckett

ReeledIn
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Re: Midlife Women: Hormones Might Be At Play

Post by ReeledIn » Wed Dec 27, 2017 5:38 am

Radey wrote:
Sun Dec 24, 2017 8:07 pm

A few days ago I was reminded that the bible says’love your neighbour as yourself’. There is an assumption that you love yourself!
I still care for my family as usual but now I try to find time for myself doing things that I enjoy apart from sex and romance.
yes, that is quite an assumption in the bible...LOL ;)

I am working on the self love thing too... hardest thing I have ever done.

I have also decided after reading this thread and some other stuff that I'm gonna get my hormones checked because I haven't in about 2 years and I suspect I am peri- menopausal. I turn 47 next month. I have ovaries, but no uterus so I don't have periods, which makes knowing my levels that much more revealing/important, I suppose. It would be amazing if I just need a little estrogen for my depression and limerence. Ha!. Right.

I read today that dopamine actually causes anxiety.. which makes sense. I think it causes the high AND then the low, which is usually a very anxious low if you're limerent and receiving little to no reciprocation.

The anxiety had somewhat subsided for me back in the fall, but it's reared it's ugly head again, partly due to NC to LC situation. Anyway... I digress, per usual.

I hope all the ladies here had a happy holiday weekend without too many intrusive thoughts.
47yo female, LO is 53, single dad & coworker
Been with SO, age 51, since 1998
LE since June 2016

For my story if interested:
http://limerence.net/forum/viewtopic.php?f=4&t=3738

Dreamer
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Re: Midlife Women: Hormones Might Be At Play

Post by Dreamer » Tue Jan 09, 2018 8:04 pm

I love this thread, because it really helps me other people feel the same way. Ama and Freebird, sorry for being so long replying, my 70s crush were not those people, I can't really say because you'd laugh if you knew! I feel a complete fool. I've now moved over to having an LO as an ex - boyfriend from years ago, absolutely no chance of having an affair as he's happily married as so am I. I'm 51 anyway and about as attractive as a floor mop. I think I'm looking out for a LO, in a way it doesn't matter who he is, I just want an all consuming love affair.
I want to wake up and be normal again, get rid of my hormones. Learn to love myself and not care about sex. I want to stop thinking how ugly I am and have higher self esteem, I think if you obsess about sex you start obsessing about your appearance too as the two are linked. I like the ovulation theory too and plan to keep a closer on my own ovulation.

DragonTamer
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Re: Midlife Women: Hormones Might Be At Play

Post by DragonTamer » Wed Feb 21, 2018 7:28 pm

AnjiTheDestroyer wrote:
Sun Dec 17, 2017 6:50 pm
hardly being a middle aged female i have not any comments to make, but just wanted to thank the OP--who i now see is online-- for starting this thread that attacks the issue from a physiological standpoint.
Thanks Anji! This is the OP here. I don't come into the forum much anymore, but I appreciate that so many people appreciate this post. I still struggle, especially since my LO is back in my life. But, I tell ya, I've learned so much about myself and what I want (and don't want) from life, that I don't regret any of it in the slightest. But it's still a huge pain in the a**.

DragonTamer
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Re: Midlife Women: Hormones Might Be At Play

Post by DragonTamer » Wed Feb 21, 2018 7:42 pm

I have also decided after reading this thread and some other stuff that I'm gonna get my hormones checked because I haven't in about 2 years and I suspect I am peri- menopausal. I turn 47 next month. I have ovaries, but no uterus so I don't have periods, which makes knowing my levels that much more revealing/important, I suppose. It would be amazing if I just need a little estrogen for my depression and limerence. Ha!. Right.
Good luck with your hormone testing!

YMMV of course, but I ended up getting on bioidentical progesterone and it helped my energy/moods greatly. I also take chaste berry (vitex) and DIM for hormone balancing, and they seem to have made my periods regular again (at least the last two have been back to my normal 28 days after being anywhere from 15 to 49 days for the past year). Do not try any of this without consulting a doctor (I'm a huge fan of naturopathy)

That said, I will say that the more balanced my hormones got, the higher my libido got (mostly just during the first and second weeks of my cycle in the lead up to ovulation), and I think this is due to me having normal hormonal cycles again which increased a low libido to a normal one (which, to me, felt high). I actually asked my naturopath if he had anything to lower my libido, and he's all, "Um, we don't really try to do that because a healthy libido is just that, healthy." Maybe if yours is already too high, hormone balancing would lower it. Just speculating there. I'm not a doctor.

Again, this is just my experience and all bodies are different, but I love my increased energy and moods, and while the libido is annoying (because DH has a very low libido and is unwilling to work on it for me), I'm still thankful for the emotional uplift overall. Ethical, female-friendly porn and a sex toy make up the difference with the libido ;)

Good luck!!!

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