Midlife Women: Hormones Might Be At Play

A section to post what worked for you in your healing, recovery and growth. Includes some useful stickies from more experienced members of this forum.
DragonTamer
Posts: 38
Joined: Thu Sep 08, 2016 5:55 pm

Re: Midlife Women: Hormones Might Be At Play

Post by DragonTamer » Sun Aug 27, 2017 2:17 am

David wrote:
Wed Aug 16, 2017 6:54 am
This may explain the sexual urges to procreate and the lustful urge to jump another person. Does it explain the addictive obsessive cycle we get hooked into that can carry on for years? Im not sure thats all hormonal.
Possibly, because, from what I've read and experienced, some of the drive towards another mate (when in a primary relationship), is to secure a sort of "back up mate" should the primary fail to result in a baby (whether the couple has kids already or not). I'm sure it's a complex mix of a lot of things going on. For me, the limerence was/is the cause of the addictive/obsessive cycle, but I feel that the catalyst towards even being vulnerable to limerence in the first place was my hormonally-increased libido. And since the perimenopausal/menopausal phase can last upwards of 10 years, I can definitely see this being a problem for me long term (I'm roughly 2-3 years in already, and have struggled greatly the entire time).

My husband and I almost divorced because I didn't want to put him through this, nor did I want a decade of torture wanting another man while married. But through a lot of talking, we agreed that we're going to try and work through this as best we can, and no decisions should be made about divorce until I'm finished with menopause. Many women (including my own mother) say they feel much better after menopause is over and the hormones have stopped flopping all over the place. Men have it a bit easier in that their hormones taper off slowly and gradually (not saying it's a cake walk, just more of an even decline). Women's hormones totally spazz out for potentially years, then flatline, so unfortunately it's really rough on us (and our spouses), ESPECIALLY for women who don't even know what's happening. Women who don't know that their outlook on life might be biologically influenced during this time are the ones that are the first to call the divorce lawyer, then ten years later, when they feel like themselves again, regret what they've done. Not everyone, of course, but it happens a lot from what I've been reading, and it almost happened to me (and may still happen, nothing's certain), but I knew what was happening biologically in myself and stopped myself. It's a mess physically, emotionally, mentally.

I know for me, when my husband touches me (and I had to tell him to do it more), it pulls me back from wherever I'm trying to float off too. Sometimes I feel like a helium balloon that's trying to fly away. As long as my husband doesn't let go of my string, I think we'll be ok. And I know this sounds very one sided and that the DHs are going through this transition with us (and might not know what to do). All I can say is do A LOT of research on perimenopause/menopause and their affects on marriage and show a lot of love (and laugh!). I'm doing both those things and it's still super hard. I'm hoping my marriage survives and I hope all yours do as well. And if not, then I hope you both find happiness anyway. I just want everyone to be happy! Singles too! :D

girlfriend
Posts: 4
Joined: Sun Oct 22, 2017 10:59 pm

Re: Midlife Women: Hormones Might Be At Play

Post by girlfriend » Wed Oct 25, 2017 3:24 am

I have to agree with much of what is written here. I'm 43. My libido shot through the roof this year. Now I know what it's like to be a teenage boy and the constant thoughts of sex....I have never had much of a libido until now. Coincidentally I feel like for the first time in a decade men are noticing me and I am noticing them. I wonder if we are subconsciously sending out signals....

Idiotic
Posts: 269
Joined: Sun Sep 03, 2017 7:58 am

Re: Midlife Women: Hormones Might Be At Play

Post by Idiotic » Wed Oct 25, 2017 12:29 pm

I know this is a topic about middle aged women, but i wonder if the same happens to men. Its been a sort of reversal in my family. While my mom has sort of become lax about taking care about her physical appearance, she has become more easy going, its the reverse with my father. It feels hes clutching at the last straws to keep from feeling older. He always used to work out , is quite fit, but he seems to be taking a fight to ageing, unlike my mom, whos sort of gliding into it. I don't think my dad is having an affair, he doesn't have the mental stamina to carry out an intrigue, but I just find it weird cos he was never like this before. He looks younger than most guys his age, and people compliment on his looks and body. I guess hes thriving on the attention. Its good to take care of your health, but i suppose staying at home after a long time i am seeing a side of my dad i never knew about. Both my parents are in their fifties.

Radey
Posts: 240
Joined: Mon Aug 14, 2017 9:10 am

Re: Midlife Women: Hormones Might Be At Play

Post by Radey » Thu Oct 26, 2017 8:11 am

Hi girlfriend
I am In a similar situation! Up until meeting my exLO I thought I was asexual. When I met him I was consumed with thoughts of having sex with him. Now that I have my power back I keep noticing all the hot guys around me! I never used to notice men before but things have changed and they seem to be noticing me too! There are lots of hot guys around where I work now. strong, muscular and simply gorgeous in their slim fit suits and shirts! It’s like where have I been all these years! I truly don’t know how I will remain faithful to SO especially because we have always had bedroom issues! Curiosity is killing me!

Windy1
Posts: 118
Joined: Wed Sep 13, 2017 4:49 pm

Re: Midlife Women: Hormones Might Be At Play

Post by Windy1 » Thu Oct 26, 2017 3:05 pm

[highlight=][/highlight][highlight=][/highlight]
Idiotic wrote:
Wed Oct 25, 2017 12:29 pm
I know this is a topic about middle aged women, but i wonder if the same happens to men. Its been a sort of reversal in my family. While my mom has sort of become lax about taking care about her physical appearance, she has become more easy going, its the reverse with my father.[highlight=] It feels hes clutching at the last straws to keep from feeling older. He always used to work out , is quite fit, but he seems to be taking a fight to ageing, unlike my mom, whos sort of gliding into it. I don't think my dad is having an affair, he doesn't have the mental stamina to carry out an intrigue, but I just find it weird cos he was never like this before. He looks younger than most guys his age, and people compliment on his looks and body. I guess hes thriving on the attention[/highlight]. Its good to take care of your health, but i suppose staying at home after a long time i am seeing a side of my dad i never knew about. Both my parents are in their fifties.
[highlight=][/highlight]
I am closing in on 50, and I do take pretty good care of myself. I was ridiculed for my looks (and other things) most of my life, so it may be a reaction to those experiences. I am fortunate to look younger than my age. The fact that I work out with a personal trainer 3x/week helps a lot. I must say I do love the attention from women in general, just wish I had it in my younger years. DW thinks I'm good looking but doesn't want it to go to my head :) .
About 2 years ago I was leaving work and 2 of my female co-workers approached me and asked if I would be the stripper at another co-worker's bachelorette party.
I thought I was being punked as nothing like that has ever happened to me, but they were dead serious. I politely declined, saying that my "stripping skills" were rusty and that if my wife found out she wouldn't be too happy.

WHAT AN EGO BOOST

Anyway I have noticed from time to time women checking me out but never limerent over any of them until C.
The day I caught her checking me out from behind was AWESOME. The fact that she is in my age range sorta makes sense as to the topic of this thread.
DW is 5 years younger than me so I will try to be more attentive to her "needs" :D
M-46-married
LO- married late 30’s-early 40’s -work colleagues

Idiotic
Posts: 269
Joined: Sun Sep 03, 2017 7:58 am

Re: Midlife Women: Hormones Might Be At Play

Post by Idiotic » Thu Oct 26, 2017 3:46 pm

Windy1 wrote:
Thu Oct 26, 2017 3:05 pm
I must say I do love the attention from women in general, just wish I had it in my younger years.
I think its the same with my Dad. From what i know of his youth from what my mum and grand parents have told me is that he was really awkward and shy around women. After that i guess he got buried in work and family, now that me and my sister have sorta left the nest(im staying at home for a while though), he has time for himself.
Oh and congratulations on being a 'stripper' :-bd . I can never cut my fat percentage low enough! Even though i work out. I just love food too much!

ReeledIn
Posts: 139
Joined: Sun Sep 10, 2017 5:39 pm

Re: Midlife Women: Hormones Might Be At Play

Post by ReeledIn » Mon Oct 30, 2017 2:07 am

I just thought I'd comment on this very old post - i'm gonna be a commenting/posting machine tonight as I have the house to myself and i need to talk about my limerence, which I can't talk about in real life.

This is very interesting to me.. at 46yo (almost 47) I believe I am in perimenopause. I think they can do a test for this - to find out when you'll hit full blown meno. I know my sister went into menopause at around 51... so that would put me at the beginning of peri. Yikes.

And i'm TOTALLY with the OP.... prior to this LE, I had a happy - although sexually unsatisfying - 18-yr marriage during which I honestly never looked at other men.... didn't care about them. Then I met my LO and the fireworks began. Prior to the affair, I had one crush in my early 40's, which lasted about 4 months and then subsided (my "crush object" ended up being a good friend to whom I was totally NOT attracted, so that was just a temporary, healthy crush... showing i'm capable of having those.)

As someone else said, the last ditch thing may be more pronounced in women without children.. and I am one of those. I will have to research this, and might even share with SO ... of course he may not want to hear it. I'm already overwhelming him with way too much information as I try to explain my completely irrational behavior over the last year. ;;)
I wish limerence on no one.

46yo female, LO is 53, single and a coworker
SO is my rock

For my story if interested:
http://limerence.net/forum/viewtopic.php?f=4&t=3738

DragonTamer
Posts: 38
Joined: Thu Sep 08, 2016 5:55 pm

Re: Midlife Women: Hormones Might Be At Play

Post by DragonTamer » Tue Nov 07, 2017 5:13 am

girlfriend wrote:
Wed Oct 25, 2017 3:24 am
I have to agree with much of what is written here. I'm 43. My libido shot through the roof this year. Now I know what it's like to be a teenage boy and the constant thoughts of sex....I have never had much of a libido until now. Coincidentally I feel like for the first time in a decade men are noticing me and I am noticing them. I wonder if we are subconsciously sending out signals....
I don't know about subconscious signals (I'm sure it's possible...I know these days I'm sending very conscious signals, but in the beginning I wasn't), but supposedly we emit pheromones during this time. I started getting noticed all of a sudden "for the first time in a decade" as well. And I feel like a teenage boy too. My libido is higher than in my 20s.

DragonTamer
Posts: 38
Joined: Thu Sep 08, 2016 5:55 pm

Re: Midlife Women: Hormones Might Be At Play

Post by DragonTamer » Tue Nov 07, 2017 5:19 am

Idiotic wrote:
Wed Oct 25, 2017 12:29 pm
I know this is a topic about middle aged women, but i wonder if the same happens to men. ... It feels hes clutching at the last straws to keep from feeling older.
Great question. I'm curious myself. Supposedly men's testosterone steadily declines when they age, but I'm no expert. However, fear of aging (and ultimately dying) is VERY real. I'm going through a lot of that myself. I feel like these are my last however many years to get attention from men (I don't get much at home, so when it's gone, it's gone).

Maybe the cliche men's "midlife crisis" has a hormonal component to it, just like the cliche that women in their forties "hit their sexual peak" can actually just be a surge of hormones (in a nutshell). It's pretty amazing how powerful and mysterious hormones are and how little the medical community and public seems to know about them.

DragonTamer
Posts: 38
Joined: Thu Sep 08, 2016 5:55 pm

Re: Midlife Women: Hormones Might Be At Play

Post by DragonTamer » Tue Nov 07, 2017 5:37 am

ReeledIn wrote:
Mon Oct 30, 2017 2:07 am
I will have to research this, and might even share with SO ... of course he may not want to hear it. I'm already overwhelming him with way too much information as I try to explain my completely irrational behavior over the last year. ;;)
Yeah, I'm a TMI machine these days too with my SO. I've read so many horror stories about women going through peri- and menopause divorcing their husbands and then regretting it after menopause is over. This is such a tumultuous time. I almost divorced my husband because I didn't want to put him through this chaos, and I also wanted my freedom back (this is apparently a very common feeling for women as well). So now I keep him informed. He knows that I need to take a "freedom weekend" every month or so to go be drunk and stupid with my friends. I need a lot of space these days, and my SO is fine with that (luckily).

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