Midlife Women: Hormones Might Be At Play

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Re: Midlife Women: Hormones Might Be At Play

Post by DragonTamer » Sun Aug 27, 2017 2:17 am

David wrote:
Wed Aug 16, 2017 6:54 am
This may explain the sexual urges to procreate and the lustful urge to jump another person. Does it explain the addictive obsessive cycle we get hooked into that can carry on for years? Im not sure thats all hormonal.
Possibly, because, from what I've read and experienced, some of the drive towards another mate (when in a primary relationship), is to secure a sort of "back up mate" should the primary fail to result in a baby (whether the couple has kids already or not). I'm sure it's a complex mix of a lot of things going on. For me, the limerence was/is the cause of the addictive/obsessive cycle, but I feel that the catalyst towards even being vulnerable to limerence in the first place was my hormonally-increased libido. And since the perimenopausal/menopausal phase can last upwards of 10 years, I can definitely see this being a problem for me long term (I'm roughly 2-3 years in already, and have struggled greatly the entire time).

My husband and I almost divorced because I didn't want to put him through this, nor did I want a decade of torture wanting another man while married. But through a lot of talking, we agreed that we're going to try and work through this as best we can, and no decisions should be made about divorce until I'm finished with menopause. Many women (including my own mother) say they feel much better after menopause is over and the hormones have stopped flopping all over the place. Men have it a bit easier in that their hormones taper off slowly and gradually (not saying it's a cake walk, just more of an even decline). Women's hormones totally spazz out for potentially years, then flatline, so unfortunately it's really rough on us (and our spouses), ESPECIALLY for women who don't even know what's happening. Women who don't know that their outlook on life might be biologically influenced during this time are the ones that are the first to call the divorce lawyer, then ten years later, when they feel like themselves again, regret what they've done. Not everyone, of course, but it happens a lot from what I've been reading, and it almost happened to me (and may still happen, nothing's certain), but I knew what was happening biologically in myself and stopped myself. It's a mess physically, emotionally, mentally.

I know for me, when my husband touches me (and I had to tell him to do it more), it pulls me back from wherever I'm trying to float off too. Sometimes I feel like a helium balloon that's trying to fly away. As long as my husband doesn't let go of my string, I think we'll be ok. And I know this sounds very one sided and that the DHs are going through this transition with us (and might not know what to do). All I can say is do A LOT of research on perimenopause/menopause and their affects on marriage and show a lot of love (and laugh!). I'm doing both those things and it's still super hard. I'm hoping my marriage survives and I hope all yours do as well. And if not, then I hope you both find happiness anyway. I just want everyone to be happy! Singles too! :D

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