Midlife Women: Hormones Might Be At Play

A section to post what worked for you in your healing, recovery and growth. Includes some useful stickies from more experienced members of this forum.
DragonTamer
Posts: 38
Joined: Thu Sep 08, 2016 5:55 pm

Midlife Women: Hormones Might Be At Play

Post by DragonTamer » Mon Apr 24, 2017 7:09 pm

For all the lovely, limerent ladies in mid-life:

About two years ago I noticed that I was becoming more and more attracted to men who weren't my husband, and one who I went full limerent for, and it bothered me because although no marriage is perfect, and all are hard work, I never felt attracted to other men nor did I ever consider cheating on him.

Unfortunately, all that changed and although I don't feel comfortable going into too much detail, I'm happy to say I'm on the road back to total commitment to my marriage and, more importantly, a newfound commitment to my own authenticity, which is something I've sacrificed probably all my life in the desire to be a "good" and "likeable" woman.

The most important thing I learned on this two-year exploration was that my hormones were influencing my behavior more than I realized. I'm in my early forties and women in perimenopause (the transition before menopause) sometimes, but not always, experience something I call "last ditch hormones" which are the body's last desperate attempt to get us to reproduce before we can no longer.

My sex drive went through the roof, more than even in my twenties. I tried to involve my husband, but his hormones are on the decline, so he couldn't keep up with the demand. But I was also finding myself being attracted to other men, and they to me, for the first time in over a decade. So not only was my body trying to get me to get with other men, but it was also sending out pheromones to other men that I was down to clown. This was a shock because I hadn't had male attention in over a decade. This combination of attraction is what triggered my particular limerence because I hadn't had limerence for anyone in over TWO decades. I'm not a serial limerent by any means.

If you think you might be going through this, know that there's help out there. I found a counselor specializing in this sort of thing (but the rules of the forum say I'm not allowed to say who) and she helped turn me around. Find a counselor who recognizes and understands the libido changes that many midlife women go through and stop blaming yourself if this is the case.

Good luck to all of us.

brightonrock
Posts: 2
Joined: Sat Jul 18, 2015 4:47 pm

Re: Midlife Women: Hormones Might Be At Play

Post by brightonrock » Thu May 25, 2017 2:41 pm

Interesting post....I'm sure this is what happened to me, over ten years of limerence towards one person all through my forties....

Dunk16
Posts: 35
Joined: Wed Nov 16, 2016 1:48 pm

Re: Midlife Women: Hormones Might Be At Play

Post by Dunk16 » Thu May 25, 2017 9:32 pm

This is INCREDIBLY helpful. At 48 years of age, I can definitely relate to this. Thank you for sharing.
"Your beliefs keep you attached to a specific vibrational level. Change your beliefs and you will change your vibration. Change your vibration and you will change your whole world." —Roxana Jones

Heart_Open
Posts: 681
Joined: Mon Nov 28, 2016 3:52 pm

Re: Midlife Women: Hormones Might Be At Play

Post by Heart_Open » Fri May 26, 2017 12:16 am

I'm currently exploring under my dr whether i might be perimenopausal. My mum and grandmother went thr oughmenopause early. I am 42 next month.

My libido is about 20% though lol. But every so often...usually after looong time without anything between husband and I, thoughts and dreams of LO escalate. Have sex and it all calms down...

I had an osteopath appointment the other month and it was a new therapist...a 27 yr old male! I couldnt relax...all I could think of was 'never thought I would ever have a 27 yr old man's hands on me ever again'. And if you have ever had an osteopath treatment, you will know some of the dubious positions they put you in!! :-o

Anna
Posts: 144
Joined: Wed Jan 25, 2017 11:15 pm

Re: Midlife Women: Hormones Might Be At Play

Post by Anna » Fri May 26, 2017 2:59 am

That would be a great explanation for my LE attack during menopause. But then it happened also, when I was in my 20s, 30s and 40s with the same intensity. Hormonal imbalance for life :ymapplause:

AMA210
Posts: 1555
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2016 2:17 pm

Re: Midlife Women: Hormones Might Be At Play

Post by AMA210 » Fri May 26, 2017 3:18 am

Completely agree with DragonTamer. I am 51 and LE began at 50. About 2 years before that, so 48, I began "noticing" all of those bike enthusiasts on the roads with their tight bike shorts, whoops, well you get the picture. My therapist is familiar with the "changes" and she thinks that is a part of this as well. The constant triggering from LO makes the mood swings so much worse.

I am sure that LO knows by now that it was those hormones that made me say all of those things to him, as well as LO thinking that I was "really into" his ass because I looked at it one time when he was standing in front of me. Ever since then, always turns around or bends over.... :ymblushing:

I have found that I can actually induce a hot flash by talking about LO for 10 minutes. Yeah, they all get it. B-)
52 years old, married for 26 years
LO is 53 years old, married for 7 years
LE is 20 months

Radey
Posts: 240
Joined: Mon Aug 14, 2017 9:10 am

Re: Midlife Women: Hormones Might Be At Play

Post by Radey » Tue Aug 15, 2017 9:03 am

Just gone trough a flashing lights moment on reading this post! It exactly describes my situation! I am perimenopausal too!
Last edited by Radey on Wed Oct 04, 2017 12:36 pm, edited 2 times in total.

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FreeBird
Posts: 343
Joined: Thu Jul 13, 2017 12:51 am

Re: Midlife Women: Hormones Might Be At Play

Post by FreeBird » Tue Aug 15, 2017 8:14 pm

Hmm, never thought about how entering midlife may play a part in current LE :-\

My LE started as I was beginning puberty and his return is syncing up with my mid-life transition.

Interesting post, DragonTamer! (Great name, btw :-bd )
"The heart has its reasons of which reason knows nothing."-Blaise Pascal
Me/LS: middle-aged, married woman
LO: middle-aged, married man with children
LE: L developed around age 12. LO was good friend of my FOO, now deceased.

kenophobia
Posts: 49
Joined: Thu Apr 14, 2016 3:01 pm

Re: Midlife Women: Hormones Might Be At Play

Post by kenophobia » Tue Aug 15, 2017 10:56 pm

DragonTamer wrote:
Mon Apr 24, 2017 7:09 pm
For all the lovely, limerent ladies in mid-life:

About two years ago I noticed that I was becoming more and more attracted to men who weren't my husband\
Aged between 38 and 44, right?
It's a pattern I've noticed in women I've seen from this age range.

aiutami
Posts: 109
Joined: Tue Feb 07, 2017 3:42 am

Re: Midlife Women: Hormones Might Be At Play

Post by aiutami » Wed Aug 16, 2017 12:49 am

I'm 37 and I've noticed this about myself the last two years. I can literally time it with ovulation - all of a sudden men of a certain look and type seem incredibly attractive to me and I stare at them.

I do think I'm suffering with last-ditch hormones (I have no kids). I have NEVER wanted kids. With LO these past few months, I have felt like I desperately want his kid. We have even talked about it. I have dreamed about our little boy. Luckily for me I have not fallen pregnant. But it's crazy. I don't even know myself or where this is coming from. I have never ever felt a desire for a child before. I have wondered whether it's hormones, a result of limerence, or of course whether it's a sign we're meant to be. I realise now this last one is definitely not true.

I really don't need my hormones complicating everything!

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