Countertransference

A section to post what worked for you in your healing, recovery and growth.
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Limerentfriend
Posts: 740
Joined: Mon Sep 12, 2016 10:12 am

Countertransference

Post by Limerentfriend » Mon Mar 06, 2017 8:26 pm

@ David, I cannot locate that article where the therapist used the client's transference to improve his own situation, though I'm sure it happens all the time, without the client's awareness of course. I have read several articles on countertransference when trying to work out my own situation to see if LO was involved in any way. Mind you, I'll never know for sure, and quite frankly my dear, I don't give a damn ;) What I gained was new: knowledge, awareness, and perspective. Countertransference is interesting and if done correctly, healing for both client and therapist.

http://ct.counseling.org/2013/09/attend ... nsference/

To all limerents, one sure fire way to burst the limerent bubble is to walk in LO's shoes. Research what it is like for someone being stalked, or even look into countertransference. Of course our LO wuvs and luvs us. Of course we get eye-fucked. Touched. Cared for. But honestly? Whose perspective are we talking about? Seriously, who wants to be in LOs position? Not many if any.

I know when I started looking at things from LOs perspective (or trying to), it scared me. I felt ill that I could have projected the crap I did, which often limerents feel guilty for. But... it is one way to WAKE UP! And GROW UP! Even if it does push some uncomfortable buttons. And pushing those buttons is not a bad thing, it takes guts to own this shit, to face those uncomfortable feelings.

The first step is in telling ourselves that LO probably doesn't love/adore us, or they'd be WITH US.

As for those who marriages have become stale. Do something. Complaining about it solves jack shit. Start communicating feelings, thoughts, dreams, desires or start packing your bags. Why live miserably aye? Why live in fear of something which is possibly imagined. Yes I hear ya, you want to keep things together for the children. Well, tell your partner this is what you want to do and see if you can be on the same page. Don't expect things to magically improve when SO may have NO IDEA what is going on. But I firmly believe the limerent person is probably the boring one. What is that old saying??? Only the boring get bored. Nah forget it, our LO is perfect and we really should propose (-|
Call me Dr. Philly, cos I sugarcoat nothing

Limerentfriend
Posts: 740
Joined: Mon Sep 12, 2016 10:12 am

What kind of stalker are you???

Post by Limerentfriend » Mon Mar 06, 2017 8:44 pm

According to the research of Paul E. Mullen and his colleagues, there are five types of stalkers though there can be considerable overlap among the different categories.

• Rejected stalkers who are seeking revenge following a perceived rejection (real or imagined)
• Intimacy-seeking stalkers who are seeking to form a close relationship with their intended target
• Incompetent stalkers lack basic social skills and often engage in stalking behaviour in the hope of becoming intimate with their target
• Resentful stalkers are revenge-seekers who feel they have been somehow wronged by their target. They are often prone to paranoid ideation that is difficult to treat.
• Predatory stalkers seek power and control over their targets and are most likely to intimidate their their victims. These are the stalkers most likely to be charged for their offenses.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/me ... ng-stalked
Call me Dr. Philly, cos I sugarcoat nothing

Pandapants
Posts: 119
Joined: Thu Jan 26, 2017 2:06 pm

Re: Countertransference

Post by Pandapants » Mon Mar 06, 2017 10:23 pm

Hmmm I don't think all of us are stalkers who constantly make our LOs uncomfortable. Yes, having empathy is necessary. And having perspective is necessary. But I think most of us are rational people with at least some self awareness. Otherwise we wouldn't be here on the forum.

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David
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Re: Countertransference

Post by David » Mon Mar 06, 2017 10:56 pm

Limerentfriend wrote:
Mon Mar 06, 2017 8:26 pm
As for those who marriages have become stale. Do something. Complaining about it solves jack shit. Start communicating feelings, thoughts, dreams, desires or start packing your bags. Why live miserably aye? Why live in fear of something which is possibly imagined. Yes I hear ya, you want to keep things together for the children. Well, tell your partner this is what you want to do and see if you can be on the same page. Don't expect things to magically improve when SO may have NO IDEA what is going on. But I firmly believe the limerent person is probably the boring one. What is that old saying??? Only the boring get bored. Nah forget it, our LO is perfect and we really should propose (-|
:-BD :-BD :-BD :-BD :-BD

Fabulous article BTW on countertransference - i grapple with self disclosure and like what was written -

When countertransference is recognized and dealt with outside the counseling room, it can enhance the empathy that counselors feel for clients. But in certain unique circumstances, some counselors choose to make use of their experiences more directly — by disclosing specific personal information to clients. In her consultations with counselors, Suttle notes that inappropriate self-disclosure is an early warning sign that personal issues may be unconsciously affecting the counselor. When those feelings are fully acknowledged and explored elsewhere, however, some selective self-disclosure on the part of the counselor may help certain clients to feel more comfortable and open up.
In teaching her students about the delicate issue of self-disclosure, Williams explains that whenever she feels an urgent need to reveal something about herself to a client, that usually indicates it is the worst possible time to do so. “When I’m simply considering it, and there’s no great pressure, then I think it may be appropriate,” she says. “When I feel less pressure, I know it’s more about [the client] than about me. So, I use self-disclosure at those times, but I don’t make it a general practice by any means. Most often it does help the client relax, but it needs to be titrated, and not all clients need to hear a piece of your story.”


Thanks for posting.
"Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate." - C.G. Jung

For confidential Relationship Coaching, Couples Counselling & Psychotherapy see http://loverelations.co.uk

Limerentfriend
Posts: 740
Joined: Mon Sep 12, 2016 10:12 am

Re: Countertransference

Post by Limerentfriend » Mon Mar 06, 2017 11:26 pm

There are some really great articles on this. I also like reading the supervisors perspective (where the therapist is supported to work through issues relating to clients transference)... fascinating. Double whammy!

Haha all because I wanted a snippet of what LO might be going through with regards to limerent students like me. Then it became all about people, perspectives and therapy in general.
Call me Dr. Philly, cos I sugarcoat nothing

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