Going NC

A place to express your feelings about your parents / family of origin (FOO). Here you can write about your feelings towards parents or others that have been instrumental in your upbringing.
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JupiterTaco
Posts: 1694
Joined: Sun Jun 28, 2015 6:12 pm

Going NC

Post by JupiterTaco » Thu Jun 29, 2017 12:26 am

Well, it happened. Actually my mother instituted it in a scathing email. Because after she'd called my apartment management to check on me, and I left to go to the park to go for a walk and cool off, she called again and I answered the phone and said "please stop calling me, bye!" and hung up on her I was so angry. So she sent me an email about how she's tired of the way my brother and I treat her. In big block letters she said GOODBYE!

The way we treat her? Really??? My brother went NC with her months ago and he had to get off Facebook because she kept harassing him. Apparently she even cursed out his wife on Facebook which she conveniently didn't tell me about when she was trying so hard to make herself look like the victim. He even told her it wasn't permanent, it was temporary while he gets through some things going on in his life because he knows she makes everything worse.

Me and her, we're done. The only way I would ever consider contact with my mother again is if she agreed to attend therapy and get help for her drinking. Which she won't do it so I'm not going to bother fantasizing about it. She's done so many hurtful things over the past several years, some doozies of which I don't know if I can ever forgive her for. It's really a shame because my brother and I both agree that despite some of the crazy happenings in our childhoods, we had a pretty good childhood. Our mom was the favorite in the neighborhood, kids loved her. My childhood best friend still adores her. And I know that my mother's blood mother was way worse than she is, and she did a lot of terrible things to her and I know that's the root of some of my mother's trauma. But it's not and never should have been up to me to heal her. In a way I'm thankful for what I've learned about the world from her, even if it was at an inappropriate age.

But my mother treated Grandma L terribly in her last years, and continued to hold her blood mother and her toxic extended family up on a pedestal and still does and there's nothing I can do about that. So my emotions could probably be up and down for awhile. But when I get sad, it's mostly for Grandma L. I'm really supposed to live without her for the rest of my life? That's what really hurts. And not having my mother hurts now but it'll get better later. I already feel better that they've been leaving me alone together. But part of me feels it's not over yet. See, right now this relative from Norway is with my mom right now keeping her on a somewhat-even keel. But even with him there she managed to do this. So I'm terrified of how bad things are going to get after he leaves but I hope I'm wrong. To top things off, I've been seeing a van with a Colorado license plate in my apartment parking lot. It was two spaces down from me yesterday even though we have assigned spots. I wasn't aware that a buttload of people were actually moving from there to here. It freaked me out. Just an example of how paranoid I've become. I hope that doesn't last though.

I did tell the owner of where I work since my mom knows where I work and I have no idea how crazy my mom is going to get in coming months. I had texted the owner yesterday just to ask if my mom had been calling my work at all and she said no and asked if everything was okay. I told her when I saw her alone what my mom did and that was why I texted her. Apparently her mom does the same stuff. So apparently this is somewhat common. I felt like the only mid-30-something with a fifty-something-going-on-four years old mother. It's a shame really.

Thanks for all of your support on here.
"Be careful with your heart and what you love, make sure that it was sent from above"-John Mellencamp/India.Arie Peaceful World

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