Another Family Vent...

A place to express your feelings about your parents / family of origin (FOO). Here you can write about your feelings towards parents or others that have been instrumental in your upbringing.
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JupiterTaco
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Joined: Sun Jun 28, 2015 6:12 pm

Another Family Vent...

Post by JupiterTaco » Sun Mar 19, 2017 6:12 pm

Well my mother and I are once again not talking. And I'm once again unemployed, but I'll write more of that in the post I'm planning to write in the Obsessions section of the forum. Long-story-short for here, I was harassed to the point I felt unsafe staying at this workplace and left a week ago. I'm going to report them to the EEOC but I want to make sure that I remember everything that happened, as it happened and approximately when before I do it.

My former managers were bugging me to call them and let them know I was okay. And since one of them had once told me they were going to report me missing to the police when I finally got two days off work one week a couple months ago and took them, I was worried they might actually do that this time. Plus my mother is always threatening to do that when she doesn't get her way so I'm pretty terrified of cops. Not for anything they've done but because of dysfunctional people in my life making me afraid of them.

So I called my brother, whom I haven't talked to since before I moved, and I just wanted to get his advice on the situation with my coworkers. He and my mother have been in a spat since Thanksgiving but there's another thread on that already. Sometime after that, my mother posted something online that her kids "moved away and ignore me" on Facebook and that my SIL "keeps tight chains on" my brother. All on Facebook for the world to see. So my brother called her out on it and got into an argument on Facebook with her and a longtime past friend of my mom's who doesn't really know the situation. They hadn't talked since then.

When I was talking to my brother, one thing kind of led to another and I told him about how his dad used to treat me before he was born and when he was really young before they split up. That when people bully me now, that's where I go back mentally in my mind. (My brother had once said he remembered a fight mom and his dad had, in which my then-toddler brother was on the floor and accidentally got kicked in the head, and my mom denied that). They used to fight pretty physically and I don't know why but it was often in front of us. Even if they'd told us to leave the room I believe we would've been too afraid to even move.

He said he did not know these things had happened to me, but he didn't sound surprised. I didn't want to tell him, not ever. His vision of his dad is bad enough, but it kind of came to that point. He knows I grew up being bullied, and now he knows why I think this pattern is repeating itself in my life. I told him I need cognitive behavioral therapy so I'm going to take a class in college so maybe I can get a counselor who could refer me to somewhat-cheap counseling of that sort. I also told him our mom had cheated on his dad, and I really shouldn't have gone that far there but I was just so mad at my mother I couldn't stop myself. I told him all she's done is talk crap about everyone for years when she's the one who should be ashamed of herself. Now I'm depressed about how far I've gone with this. All I wanted was to get advice on what to do about my coworkers if they don't leave me alone. I asked him if I should call my local police department and just tell them if they get any missing persons reports on me to disregard them, as I'm fine. (He didn't recommend I do that).

But when I called my mom last Sunday night, in fact called a few people hoping I could talk to someone about this, and had nobody, the story of my life, I ended up talking to my mom but not telling her what happened. When she asked me why I wasn't at work, I told her someone was covering for me and that me and the manager I was having trouble with, just do not work well together. My mother was like, "well there's always someone". I told her I wish she'd stop telling me that as I feel she's jinxing me when she does that. She then goes off, saying "well according to your brother I'm the worst fucking mother on the planet, so I'm just going to go!" Click! So I was pretty mad. I mean she acts like such a victim when she was the one who went out of her way to insult his wife not once but twice (actually I believe three friggin' times) on social media, what did she expect? And she hasn't stopped milking it yet!

So now the pattern of the past has started. Mummy dearest is emailing me trying to get me to let her know "I'm ok". At this point I'm just laughing. What is she gonna do? Drive all the way to STL and show up on my damn doorstep??? She can go for it!!! :)) But I've decided if things get really serious between her and I that I might actually look up the man who saw my stepdad beating me once as a child and see if he'd ever be willing to testify over the phone or something to that if it should ever come to that and I ever have to get a permanent restraining order against her or something. But that's a last resort. Anyway thanks for letting me vent!
"Be careful with your heart and what you love, make sure that it was sent from above"-John Mellencamp/India.Arie Peaceful World

Pandapants
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Re: Another Family Vent...

Post by Pandapants » Mon Mar 20, 2017 12:29 pm

Your mother sounds a lot like mine especially with the "woe is me" mentality. It's exhausting, isn't it?

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David
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Re: Another Family Vent...

Post by David » Mon Mar 20, 2017 2:13 pm

YAFUFOO

Yet Another Fucked Up Family Of Origin

JT - sorry you are experiencing this - there's a lot of it about.
"Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate." - C.G. Jung

For confidential Relationship Coaching, Couples Counselling & Psychotherapy see http://loverelations.co.uk

JohnDeux
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Joined: Mon Feb 24, 2014 11:42 pm

Re: Another Family Vent...

Post by JohnDeux » Mon Mar 20, 2017 3:55 pm

@JT: " ....her kids "moved away and ignore me" on Facebook and that my SIL "keeps tight chains on" my brother. "

Hey...my mum's living alone under the same....er...."burdens" :lol: Maybe they could share a house and if they start not getting along they could start hurling nukes at each other from one end of the house to the other and keep the planetary nuclear escalation contained to one city block! :D

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L-F
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Re: Another Family Vent...

Post by L-F » Mon Mar 20, 2017 6:10 pm

Can you add my Dad to that. He's always been, yep, one of THOSE men and nothing would tickle him pink having not one but two women fussing over him. Heck he'd get a real kick out of those nuke wars if he thought it was over him.

Still reluctant to phone the old bastard but then there is all the emotional baggage, as well as karma if I don't phone him (meaning I'd feel stink if he died and I didn't make an effort).

JT hang in there. You have one of THOSE toxic mothers from hell - sorry just my view. Not sure how old you are... but I wish I could take you under my wings!

I pray to God I'm not one of THOSE toxic mothers. One of our family values is humour (odd I know)... it's laugh or cry so most of the time we choose laughter. Yes yes, I understand humour can also be used as a defense mechanism however we choose to enjoy laughing at and with each other as well as ourselves. It's kinda been the glue in good and bad times. For example, if we find ourselves in a serious situation you can guarantee one of us will observe something that can be shared where we would find the funny lighthearted side of life, no matter the situation

I'm really hoping you can too JT. Life is as absurd as it is beautiful or painful. I admire your strength and BTW I don't think you did a bad think telling your brother. It was afterall an honest discussion, though I know the guilt that follows. For me it's almost as if it's a 'shit karma is going to kick me in the butt!' thought pattern - I really must either learn to zip it, or give myself a break - to err is human, to forgive (oneself), divine.

Sending good vibes your way :ymhug:
"Your relationship with yourself sets the tone for every other relationship you have"
Robert Holden

JupiterTaco
Posts: 1555
Joined: Sun Jun 28, 2015 6:12 pm

Re: Another Family Vent...

Post by JupiterTaco » Tue Mar 21, 2017 9:08 pm

Thanks guys! Yes it seems many of us have these issues with parents. We really should create an island just for them and ship them all there. Then someone could start a reality show out of them living together and get rich off it. :roll: :lol:

LF, thank you, that's sweet. Unfortunately I'm now in my early-30s, so getting too old to be still having these problems. That's more humiliating than anything I think, that other people my age have been able to set boundaries with their families, have families of their own even and here I am still feeling like a fifteen-year old runaway when I don't call my mother back. Or like a three-year old when I have to deal with some nasty person. It's good that you guys choose laughter. 8-)
"Be careful with your heart and what you love, make sure that it was sent from above"-John Mellencamp/India.Arie Peaceful World

JupiterTaco
Posts: 1555
Joined: Sun Jun 28, 2015 6:12 pm

Re: Another Family Vent...

Post by JupiterTaco » Wed Apr 05, 2017 11:55 pm

Well apparently my mother is talking to my stepdad again. He's living in a trailer on his BIL's land apparently. Mom is laughing at him...and using his help in her house. She also was complaining that my brother didn't call her back when she gave him TWO DAYS NOTICE asking him to go all the way down to her location and help her in the house. :roll: #-o
"Be careful with your heart and what you love, make sure that it was sent from above"-John Mellencamp/India.Arie Peaceful World

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