To LO

WAIT - instead of texting, emailing or disclosing to your Limerent/Love Object, why not send it out to the universe by writing it here instead.
AMA210
Posts: 991
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2016 2:17 pm

Re: To LO

Post by AMA210 » Mon May 15, 2017 9:54 pm

CK,

About a year ago today is when I started feeling weird. It's like a switch flipped on and suddenly songs reminded me of you and I stepped back and really noticed just how good-looking you really were. I always thought you were cute, in a boyish charming way.

I should have known that applying makeup before LR indicated an interest in you and I should have realized what could happen. Over Memorial Day weekend, those images of you began floating around in my head and on the last LR, your SO showed up to watch the situation, which I am sure someone told her about. I remember standing in front of her and thinking "great, you just ruined LR for me and him." You ignored me and I played along. Fortunately, she wasn't threatened by me and she left. About 2 minutes after that, you came up to me to talk and we spent time outside together. You asked me if I was working at the school picnic and I told you I would be there.

I think Cupid's arrow hit somewhere between that last LR and the school picnic. When I got there for that, I was suddenly nervous around you and you looked really really good in your black shirt. Damn it boy! As you and SO came through the food line, she didn't say a word to me. You, on the other hand, said many words to me. Do you remember asking for pepper jack cheese and I said, so sorry Mr. K, we cannot accommodate any special requests, so it will have to be cheddar or nothing. LOL hmmm, so then you took 2 hamburgers because you had to tell me how you ran around the entire soccer field with the kids because they asked you, to which I added, I bet you will really miss those kids over the summer. Your SO just left the area, didn't wait for you to finish your conversation with me. I wonder if you noticed she was gone.

After everyone was served, it was right then that the staring began. I started dropping hot dogs on the floor because I was too busy keeping you in my view. Again, I should have known what was happening and put the brakes on it. But I didn't and maybe because I didn't know how.

After that, you were in my thoughts every day through the summer. Not constant, but there, and each day that passed, brought me closer to the time when I would see you again. The longing hadn't begun yet. I told my DH about you and what was kind of going on and he wasn't too concerned about it, but I did notice that when I talked about you, I got a bit excited.

I remember almost all of what you said and did in the past year. It's etched into my memory and I can retrieve it at any time. A bit scary I know. I wish someone would have told me to tread carefully, maybe even you could have, but I never saw it coming, until it was too late to realize what had happened.

So I have been in love with you for an entire year.

SB

AMA210
Posts: 991
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2016 2:17 pm

Re: To LO

Post by AMA210 » Tue May 16, 2017 9:40 pm

CK,

And so the game begins again. It's the same one. Cat and mouse. Happened before when you poked me and I responded. I am the cat and you are the mouse, hiding in your hole. Honestly I can drive by one time and there you are. Always afterwards, you seem to prolong it as if to make my reaction stronger. Maybe I will even do something stupid again because my sheer lack of you drives my obsession. The greater my reaction to you, the better.

I am just waiting until school is done. By then I will have let go of you completely.

SB

JupiterTaco
Posts: 1526
Joined: Sun Jun 28, 2015 6:12 pm

Re: To LO

Post by JupiterTaco » Thu May 18, 2017 9:13 pm

Have you had any contact with him, Aqua? Or are you still NC?
"Be careful with your heart and what you love, make sure that it was sent from above"-John Mellencamp/India.Arie Peaceful World

AMA210
Posts: 991
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2016 2:17 pm

Re: To LO

Post by AMA210 » Thu May 18, 2017 9:32 pm

JupiterTaco wrote:
Thu May 18, 2017 9:13 pm
Have you had any contact with him, Aqua? Or are you still NC?
I haven't talked to him for 6 weeks. I see him in passing on the road by my house or if I pass the school. Last Friday, I stopped at the curb to watch him for a minute from my car. He didn't turn away or leave the area. I am still giving him attention and I hate myself for this.

I am so used to doing this that its a habit now. It sucks. But as a result of NC, my OCD has gone down a lot and I don't have that driving need to see him for a hit. I have entered the angry stage now. I don't want to hurt him physically, only mentally. But that opportunity will not come and he is not worth any more trouble.

JupiterTaco
Posts: 1526
Joined: Sun Jun 28, 2015 6:12 pm

Re: To LO

Post by JupiterTaco » Thu May 18, 2017 9:41 pm

So there was eye-contact between you?
"Be careful with your heart and what you love, make sure that it was sent from above"-John Mellencamp/India.Arie Peaceful World

AMA210
Posts: 991
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2016 2:17 pm

Re: To LO

Post by AMA210 » Thu May 18, 2017 11:31 pm

JupiterTaco wrote:
Thu May 18, 2017 9:41 pm
So there was eye-contact between you?
I don't know. I was at the curb, he was by the garage. He was just standing there, looking my way. Don't know if he was looking at me or not, but he knows its me, from the Camaro.

Later he turned around and bent over, as to pick something up, yeah right, before he went back into the garage and I sped away.

marko
Posts: 599
Joined: Sun Feb 26, 2017 4:20 pm

Re: To LO

Post by marko » Sat May 20, 2017 12:19 am

That would be difficult to be so close.

AMA210
Posts: 991
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2016 2:17 pm

Re: To LO

Post by AMA210 » Sat May 20, 2017 12:54 am

:ymapplause: For the first time in this entire LE, today I feel discarded, as in my attention is no longer wanted or needed. I feel used and abused. I feel like the connection only existed in my mind. If he would have felt it, he wouldn't have got the police involved in this unfortunate situation, as coined so poignantly by the principal.

The only good thing about this asshole is that he wasn't a sex-crazed animal who didn't take complete advantage of me because I was a sitting duck, vunerable and willing as all hell, to blow up my life. So I give him that, but that's it. LO1 couldn't pass up on the opportunity, but then again, he was 20 years old.

AMA210
Posts: 991
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2016 2:17 pm

Re: To LO

Post by AMA210 » Mon May 22, 2017 11:44 pm

CK,

Well, you were back out there this morning for about 2 hours, surrounded by garage crap. Maybe you are expecting a greater reaction from me this week since you didn't get any last week. We will see what the week brings. I got my hit today and you got yours. Even again. This connection, perhaps just getting hits from each other to feed our addictions. I could care less about any attention from you - for me, it's more about seeing you and my reaction to that makes me smile and be happy. For you, it's about attention and what reaction you can provoke in me. If you want sad, I can make myself cry. If you want anger, I can start swearing at you. I have tons of emotions at my disposal and mood swings help with that. I think you have one.

Other than that, I don't want you. I don't want a relationship with you. I don't want to be the other woman. Hell, I don't even want sex with you because sex is sex, nothing more, nothing less. I am just enjoying you as an object now and when school is over, the driving will stop.

SB

AMA210
Posts: 991
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2016 2:17 pm

Re: To LO

Post by AMA210 » Sat Jun 10, 2017 11:04 pm

CK,

The last letter isn't ready yet. I don't know when it will be. I still flip between love and hate. Two days I hated you, next 2 days I loved you. It's always the same.

SB

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