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can limerence occur if these is zero sexual desire?

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TarheelBabe1980

Re: can limerence occur if these is zero sexual desire?

Post by TarheelBabe1980 » Mon May 18, 2015 7:01 am

Not for me. Most of my fantasies about LOs have always been sexual. (34 yr old female here)

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Re: can limerence occur if these is zero sexual desire?

Post by michaelstarvin » Fri May 29, 2015 1:24 am

nothing wrong with that....... that's just you. and since ur a 34 year old female. i wouldn't be shocked otherwise. :D im not gonna lie to you, im a 27 yr old guy and i had just a few fantasizes about my LO that had some sort of sexual encounter. but that's the last thing in the head when it comes to actual love. if you were limerent on a few people... you would naturally want to have to sex with them because u are in love with them. that's just totally normal. it just depends on how FAR you take that. is that all you EVER think about? i don't all the time. but hey, everyone has their sex drives................... limerence has nothing to do with it.

AnjiTheDestroyer
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Re: can limerence occur if these is zero sexual desire?

Post by AnjiTheDestroyer » Mon Jul 06, 2015 2:37 pm

nice thread. i posted 'platonic limerence???' not knowing about this.

now with four years of NC, i'm just interested in this aspect of my limerence more than anything else.
i would have to say i am with Michaelstarvin in my feelings towards my LO.it is almost mystical, and the thing is i consider myself to be pretty rational, and critical of any flambuoyant notions(unless they really make sense).

does sexual craving imply a lower consciousness??
a year after LE i filled a withdrawal form and interrupted my education for a year simply just to GET MY DAMNED LIFE IN ORDER. because i was on the brink of(i already was) an utter burn out. so i rested,decompressed etc for 4 months and when i was somewhat balanced i started reading and bumped into Buddhist teachings, then having all my 24hrs free(no friends etc..) i started meditating, very intensely i might add. and in a matter of appx 5 months i was in the thick of my the action...
forward a few years and schooling, etc did take away what little attainments i had and i dont have lots time to meditate. so? i feel visible reduction in my consciousness. my LE almost totally gone, reared its head back up,and sex & masturbation started to appeal to me again.
so my conclusion? sex is my lower nature's desire which i dont repress etc(which is wrong and leads to self conflict) because i know as soon as i start meditating again i will simply surpass it.
sex,LE etc... is for me just a way of seeking pleasure and attainments of meditation will give one ecstasies much subtler and deeper that they will just knock them out of consideration.

again,nice thread.
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David
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Re: can limerence occur if these is zero sexual desire?

Post by David » Mon Jul 06, 2015 3:37 pm

YMA wrote:does sexual craving imply a lower consciousness??
If one takes the view that most sex is acting out the Parental Rescue Fantasy, than the answer has to be yes.

I used to confuse sex with love. As i've got more conscious, so me neediness to have sex to feel secure has reduced. Could be an age thing as well or perhaps limerence just burnt me out :(
"Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate." - C.G. Jung

For Professional Coaching / Therapy see http://loverelations.co.uk/limerence

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AnjiTheDestroyer
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Re: can limerence occur if these is zero sexual desire?

Post by AnjiTheDestroyer » Mon Jul 06, 2015 10:31 pm

hey David,
you mentioned family rescue fantasies and i had to read up on that as i had no idea what that meant. infact i had to keep up with you guys when you mention such terms.
thing is i have no such complex as far as i could analyse myself in a cold and earnest manner.and yet there was a period in life when my sexuality was overwhelming.
as i dont have a psychological learning and also no experience with counselling(as i live in a developing country where this is viewed as an expensive privillage) i pretty much try to understand things in their bare essence.
so my position is that sex(and all its relatives),the LE(also all forms of romance),and pretty much all the endeavours of humanity such as hankering after money etc... are just either means of distracting self from fears(the various complexes would fit in here), or just seeking pleasure plain and simple.
and one is TRULY healthy when one can be with oneself with no vibrations.
i will please welcome any other perspectives as this is my life principle and i want it to stand the test of opinions.
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Re: can limerence occur if these is zero sexual desire?

Post by David » Tue Jul 07, 2015 6:48 am

YMA, a good place to better understand how our early life impacts us and dicates our unconscious drives is a cheap pdf download called Towards Truth - a guide to psychological enlightenment. http://wildtruth.net/toward-truth/

Of course these are all theories and yet the overwhelming amount of research and written material points to these theories being the best we have to date.

Its not uncommon when we first start looking at our behaviours (limerenc eis a wonderful trigger) to want to idolise our FOO and think our upbringing had little impact on how we show up in the world. I fitted neatly in that camp as after all i had been brought up to believe i was a naughty boy that deserved to get knocked about and my father had suffered so much, he was never to be questioned nor made to be upset. Now i see it for what it was. fucked up. I also see how much of my behaviour is driven by my experiences growing up.
"Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate." - C.G. Jung

For Professional Coaching / Therapy see http://loverelations.co.uk/limerence

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AnjiTheDestroyer
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Re: can limerence occur if these is zero sexual desire?

Post by AnjiTheDestroyer » Tue Jul 07, 2015 10:39 am

thanks plenty for getting back to me, and appreciate the link. promise to read.
i read your posts in this section and i have to tell you that i really admire your dedication to full recovery, because in my opinion one of the main issues is the attachment to the LE itself. which really sucks but also makes sense because there is not much to 'get back to'.
in my experience being a smart student living in a relatively comfortable middle class family i had not much issues to occupy my mind(difficulty learning,family quarrels,money worries you name it.) so i simply let my mind to absorption in my LOs. so now that i want to be rid of all LE and i can simply let go? heck no. limerence has already gained an occuption in my life as an entertainer, a continual distractor when in pain or desperation....
so my take is as essential as self exploration is, if done singularly it will only be running in circles, or wrestling with an ever entangling net of tentacles.because the mind always finds ways to raise dead issues, and complicate existing ones EVEN WHEN ONE KNOWS DEEP INSIDE THAT THEY'RE UTTER BULLSHIT!!!!
what worked for me was meditation. not the bullshit commercialized one. or no need to overcomplicate a simple thing as, yes,many fake gurus etc.. do. it is simple follow the original master's words! sorry I can't send you a link but google: MN118,anapanasatti sutta and i tell you THIS is original meditation.[the first step only should be practiced for months and it will work wonders]
meditation is not for relaxation, fake peacefulness etc.. these are just byproducts and the MAIN OBJECTIVE is disentangling from attachments. really useful for our quest.
again my point is what use is understanding your attachments if you cant loosen their hold on you? i dont think the understanding does the job b/c look at heroin addicts: they know the harm etc... but its insignificant in the face of the craving feelings.
this is my take and always appreciate discussions.
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Re: can limerence occur if these is zero sexual desire?

Post by Marc » Wed Aug 19, 2015 11:23 pm

I remember in first grade, second, third, fourth pining away at length (over periods of weeks, months), typically across a schoolyard or a playground, for this or that girl that I'd somehow concluded was my indescribable bliss. I wouldn't approach, wouldn't address ("I'm not worthy! I'M NOT WORTHY!!") I didn't suffer the usual affliction of an overt libido until I was well into the fifth grade. But I definitely suffered that sweet, cold damnation of longing before then. I don't know that that is actually zero sexual desire, but whatever sexual desire there might have been was strictly of the pre-adolescent variety - not a heck of a lot below the waist. But there has definitely been a sexual component with my current LO.
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Re: can limerence occur if these is zero sexual desire?

Post by AMA210 » Thu Mar 30, 2017 5:08 pm

In the pre-limerance time, there was the talking, laughing, he is cute and after 2 months of that, I began noticing his lips a lot more and then his upper half and his arms, and so as the desire began, so did the limerance. I never fantasized about being with him physically until about 4 months later. I never imagined it would intensify so much to the point of absolute lust. The emotional attachment was first with underlying sexual and now I sit here with both raging forces. Being close to him and hugging has made this much worse for me. I am not in a good position right now.
52 years old, married for 27 years
LE was 22 months

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Re: can limerence occur if these is zero sexual desire?

Post by David » Thu Mar 30, 2017 5:30 pm

Aquamarine21 wrote:
Thu Mar 30, 2017 5:08 pm
In the pre-limerance time, there was the talking, laughing, he is cute and after 2 months of that, I began noticing his lips a lot more and then his upper half and his arms, and so as the desire began, so did the limerance. I never fantasized about being with him physically until about 4 months later. I never imagined it would intensify so much to the point of absolute lust. The emotional attachment was first with underlying sexual and now I sit here with both raging forces. Being close to him and hugging has made this much worse for me. I am not in a good position right now.
My therapist that i quoted at the beginning of this thread told one of the one episode of erotic transference she had to a client whilst training. she describes it like you AM - absolute lust and wanting to jump on top of the client. He only came (no pun intended) for a few sessions, much to my T's relief.
"Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate." - C.G. Jung

For Professional Coaching / Therapy see http://loverelations.co.uk/limerence

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