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No sexual feelings?

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JohnDeux
Posts: 1762
Joined: Mon Feb 24, 2014 11:42 pm

Re: No sexual feelings?

Post by JohnDeux » Mon Sep 14, 2015 4:13 am

Yes, actually this has come up on again and off again as each new wave of members joins the forum. It was observed in many threads on Tribe-LE and has come up here before. Not a strict division, of course, but in general terms it almost seems as if limerent men tend to have more "soul-mate" feelings for their LOs, for which sex actually seems somewhat "defiling". For two different LEs 15 years apart, during peak LE, I could not sexually fantasize about my LOs. And although during both LE's my sexual fantasizing for other women was quite diminished relative to non-limerent periods, all fantasizing about LO was of that pure merger type for which sex was just far too mundane. As befits the strangeness of limer-land, in my fantasies, we were to produce the perfect family full of love, caring, warmth, and completely free of pain and conflict. So I guess my LO was supposed to have an immaculate conception in there somewhere?? :?

But the flip side from the wave of past threads is that, even though many women also saw their LO as a soulmate, the fantasies were highly sexually charged. So this would not necessarily fit with L_R's musing that it may have to do with pre-sexual feelings coming forth from childhood, although I still feel that idea tracks with a lot of other aspects of limerence. But one possibility brought up before and possibly tying in with recent discussions here on narcissism and repression is that the above gender differences (again, heavily generalized) in experiencing limerence may mirror how we repress sentiments due to cultural standards, which of course will be playing out in our families during development. Thus, **to follow the cultural stereotype**, boys become men who are *supposed* to be sex-obsessed, stud-masters and girls become women who are supposed to starry-eyed romance addicts. In both cases during development, each gender suppresses the opposite qualities: Men will tend to suppress "tenderness" and women will tend to "hide" and repress sexual feelings all because the culture tends to ostracize you for exhibiting these behaviors openly. And in the release of repressed.....EVERYTHING.....during a limerence, this may be one of the manifestations of that "de-repression", with many men feeling deep connection and tenderness for their LOs and women feelings strong sexual feelings towards their LOs. Let me know if this needs further clarification, but remember...it's just one of many possible models.

Finally, just to make it clear that I, like most other male limerents who may have not been prone to fantasizing about their LO sexually, I nevertheless found my LO extremely sexually attractive. Save for the limerence, easy to see why I might have sexually fantasized about her otherwise.
"Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain...."~ The Wizard of Oz

bleugreen
Posts: 56
Joined: Tue Oct 06, 2015 1:39 am

Re: No sexual feelings?

Post by bleugreen » Fri Oct 16, 2015 5:35 pm

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Last edited by bleugreen on Mon May 02, 2016 3:33 am, edited 1 time in total.

Marc
Posts: 337
Joined: Tue Aug 18, 2015 6:07 pm
United States of America

Re: No sexual feelings?

Post by Marc » Fri Oct 16, 2015 10:08 pm

With Morningstar, my LO, the sexual attraction came about easily. Since she seemed unusually interested in me, I took that as attraction. There are plenty of women that I mightn't notice otherwise, but if they seem to be attracted to me . . . suddenly they're Sports Illustrated swimsuit models with paint bikinis! :thumbup: My LO was one such case.

After my LO made it clear that she didn't want us to be any more than good friends, I made it a point to de-eroticize her. Every time I would otherwise have tended to visualize her sexually, I would substitute other women. Head to head with Morningstar, the substitutes would have blown her out of the water; they needed to for the de-eroticization to work. It worked well enough, but not well enough to end the LE. I'm not even sure if her recent, egregious treatment of me has sufficed to do that. :roll:
Accountability: a word leaders start to use right before the scapegoating begins.

AnjiTheDestroyer
Posts: 509
Joined: Tue Jun 30, 2015 12:14 am

Re: No sexual feelings?

Post by AnjiTheDestroyer » Fri Oct 16, 2015 11:09 pm

@ marc '..the substitutes would have blowen her out of the water'
the intersting thing is LOs #1 through #4 i only had a purely 'platonic-limerence'(self coined) maybe owing to the non- (full)maturation of my sexual instincts(??). but this last one...
though my past attitude of pure non sexuality is still maintained, at times if i exerted hard and analysed myself i would dimly see the other possible scenario of us together as being grossly sexual... and sexual in the ultimate sense of the world where we would do unspeakable things.(thank God we're anonymous here right?)
but unlike marc, in this scenario(as in the other) she would still be in my eyes possessed of the highest beauty, grace , and sexuality.
for instance i can classify all females(including past LOs) as purely of adoration qualities(as an art form) to though exquisitely formed, of irresistible sexual allure also. then there would be a continuum where in the middle are girls that are 'art forms' as well as 'sexual objects'. but LO#5 differs in that she is *either* the ultimate art form or the ultimate sex object, and exceeding all others in her quality. hmmm....
i bet this alarms the sh*t outta me!("sexual soulmate"=entanglement for me).
Ignore.Satisfy.Understand

AnjiTheDestroyer
Posts: 509
Joined: Tue Jun 30, 2015 12:14 am

Re: No sexual feelings?

Post by AnjiTheDestroyer » Fri Oct 16, 2015 11:12 pm

@ marc '..the substitutes would have blowen her out of the water'
the intersting thing is LOs #1 through #4 i only had a purely 'platonic-limerence'(self coined) maybe owing to the non- (full)maturation of my sexual instincts(??). but this last one...
though my past attitude of pure non sexuality is still maintained, at times if i exerted hard and analysed myself i would dimly see the other possible scenario of us together as being grossly sexual... and sexual in the ultimate sense of the word where we would do unspeakable things.(thank God we're anonymous here right?)
but unlike marc, in this scenario(as in the other) she would still be in my eyes possessed of the highest beauty, grace , and sexuality.
for instance i can classify all females(including past LOs) as purely of adoration qualities(as an art form) to, though exquisitely formed, of irresistible sexual allure also. then there would be a continuum where in the middle are girls that are 'art forms' as well as 'sexual objects'. but LO#5 differs in that she is *either* the ultimate art form or the ultimate sex object *but not both at the same time*, and exceeding all others in her quality. hmmm....
i bet this alarms the sh*t outta me!("sexual soulmate"=entanglement for me).
Ignore.Satisfy.Understand

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melwithtwoj's
Posts: 35
Joined: Thu Dec 03, 2015 3:56 pm

Re: No sexual feelings?

Post by melwithtwoj's » Mon Dec 07, 2015 5:49 pm

@John, I like your idea of gender distinctions and repressions. This is very much true for me not only as a woman, but as a person. I grew up in a strict household, and the minute I had an ounce of freedom, I was out all night, doing whatever I wanted with whomever I wanted. My college years were all about the pleasure principle with me. I suppose it's never really ended.

That being said, my LO is one for which I have both platonic and sexual feelings. What's interesting about the sexual feelings I have is that LO is not good looking in the least if I really stop and look at him, but we definitely have sexual chemistry. He eggs it on, too, by reciprocating both the friendship and the sexual urges (but not physically...he doesn't do the physical cheating. In fact, he doesn't think what we are doing is cheating at all, but that's a whole different story). He just shares the fantasies he has about me..with me...which definitely fans the flames.

I totally need to tell him to stop that.
Sometimes you are going to miss a person who was an almost to you. And feel sad because there is no name for that feeling. You just feel it in a way that makes you tired to your very bones. -Nikita Gill

confusedGirl3
Posts: 205
Joined: Sun Nov 01, 2015 1:02 am

Re: No sexual feelings?

Post by confusedGirl3 » Tue Dec 08, 2015 1:02 am

JohnDeux wrote:in general terms it almost seems as if limerent men tend to have more "soul-mate" feelings for their LOs, for which sex actually seems somewhat "defiling".
But the flip side from the wave of past threads is that, even though many women also saw their LO as a soulmate, the fantasies were highly sexually charged.
John,

your observations are killing the hopeless romantic in me :((

because that would mean even in the case of mutual Lemerence between heterosexual couples there is one more reason the relationship will doomed for the most part. :cry:

michaelstarvin
Posts: 288
Joined: Thu Nov 20, 2014 3:24 am
Location: Forest Hills, NY 11375

Re: No sexual feelings?

Post by michaelstarvin » Sun Dec 20, 2015 4:53 am

JohnDeux wrote:
in general terms it almost seems as if limerent men tend to have more "soul-mate" feelings for their LOs, for which sex actually seems somewhat "defiling".


This is so true! it is exactly how i feel about my LO.

confusedGirl3
Posts: 205
Joined: Sun Nov 01, 2015 1:02 am

Re: No sexual feelings?

Post by confusedGirl3 » Tue Dec 22, 2015 1:40 am

My question is, would a limerent man just be perfectly happy if his LO told him that she feels the same, but there isn't going to be a real relationship? LO saying that she feels the same should satisfy the emotional reciprocation if it is the only thing that is wanted.

just wondering....

MarkActually
Posts: 501
Joined: Fri Apr 10, 2015 8:34 pm

Re: No sexual feelings?

Post by MarkActually » Tue Dec 22, 2015 5:04 pm

J.D.

On your opening page, your quite on the mark for the first 6 months of the LE, I could
not sexually fantasize at all about any women, it was like i was 13 again....
Puppy Love like a episode of "The Brady Brunch" just terrible maybe worst...

No self pleasure, No nothing.

Just wanted to get lost in that gaze of "The Object" and hoping she would
accept me for who I am because.... she has my secret.

My Twisted Secret Fantasy...thanks R. Kelly!

In the middle of nowhere with markactually

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