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No sexual feelings?

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JohnDeux
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Re: No sexual feelings?

Post by JohnDeux » Tue Dec 22, 2015 6:20 pm

@CG3: "My question is, would a limerent man just be perfectly happy if his LO told him that she feels the same, but there isn't going to be a real relationship? LO saying that she feels the same should satisfy the emotional reciprocation if it is the only thing that is wanted."

In my mind, the context of being limerent is one characterized by a high state of delusional thinking. Thus, for me the state of being limerent.....of asexualizing 'the goddess' even as I found her extremely sexually attractive....was a phase and a delusional one at that. In reality, I can't/couldn't imagine sustaining that platonic position across from LO in some kind of emasculated hyper-romance. For many among the limerently-inclined, it appears that a state of "soul-consummation" is the ultimate "if only....", but only while the limerence is in full swing. As many have attested to, when it declines one is baffled as to the intensity of the feeling-state that it once provided.

@MarkA: "Puppy Love like a episode of "The Brady Brunch" just terrible maybe worst..."

Your references are killing me, MarkA.....literally regressing me back to that plaid, Scotch-GardTM couch in the basement rec-room watching too many episodes of the Brady Bunch, followed by Gilligan's Island, and topped off with reruns of Star Trek (TOS, of course). And this was after we finally purchased a **color** TV! No wonder I had such a ravenous appetite once dinner time arrived. ...... (too much panting over Marcia Brady).......er, I mean too much fighting with the mushroom-heads who lured the Enterprise back to Talos IV. :ymblushing:
"Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain...."~ The Wizard of Oz

michaelstarvin
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Re: No sexual feelings?

Post by michaelstarvin » Tue Dec 22, 2015 6:32 pm

delusional thinking, exactly..

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audra
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Re: No sexual feelings?

Post by audra » Tue Dec 22, 2015 8:51 pm

JohnDeux wrote: In my mind, the context of being limerent is one characterized by a high state of delusional thinking. Thus, for me the state of being limerent.....of asexualizing 'the goddess' even as I found her extremely sexually attractive....was a phase and a delusional one at that. In reality, I can't/couldn't imagine sustaining that platonic position across from LO in some kind of emasculated hyper-romance. For many among the limerently-inclined, it appears that a state of "soul-consummation" is the ultimate "if only....", but only while the limerence is in full swing. As many have attested to, when it declines one is baffled as to the intensity of the feeling-state that it once provided?
Hi JD
So agree.... Delusional to the point of being crazy. I found LO extremely sexually attractive and now look at him see a temperamental fussy old woman. I always knew he suffered from depression and anxiety but that just made me sympathetic towards him instead of what it should have done which was run a mile. Can't say I'm totally cured but must be getting there because I am truely baffled at the strength of it.
The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed.

MrSpock
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Re: No sexual feelings?

Post by MrSpock » Sat Dec 16, 2017 10:44 pm

Oh, this is so interesting...

The very first second I met my LO I couldn't believe how smoking hot she was. I saw her gymnast-like body first. The next second, she turned to the side I was, and I saw her face. I thought she was the most beautiful creature I had ever seen. The third second, I came across her eyes, and that was the beginning of the end :) I literally looked away because she was like a burning star and my eyes hurt.

A few months later I found myself dying for her at the peak of my LE, and I noticed something that I couldn't (or can't) understand: there is no doubt in my mind that the sexual attraction is the significant component of this LE, yet, there is absolutely no sex in my fantasies. Is almost as if I don't want that from her at all, which makes no sense.

I even tried to have sexual fantasies as a sort of experiment to figure out what was wrong with me, and I couldn't. Is like my limerent brain had just turned that off.

I thought that was just a very odd peculiarity of this LE. It seems is not. How strange.

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David
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Re: No sexual feelings?

Post by David » Sun Dec 17, 2017 8:41 am

Lack of sexual desire for our LO's could be explained by the madona-whore complex

https://sites.psu.edu/aspsy/2015/10/03/ ... e-complex/
"Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate." - C.G. Jung

For Professional Coaching / Therapy see http://loverelations.co.uk/limerence

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Havb
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Re: No sexual feelings?

Post by Havb » Sun Dec 17, 2017 1:34 pm

That was a really thought-provoking article, David. Thanks for posting.
“Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better.” -Samuel Beckett

There is always more work to be done.

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Chuck
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Re: No sexual feelings?

Post by Chuck » Mon Dec 18, 2017 5:40 pm

confusedGirl3 wrote:
Tue Dec 22, 2015 1:40 am
My question is, would a limerent man just be perfectly happy if his LO told him that she feels the same, but there isn't going to be a real relationship? LO saying that she feels the same should satisfy the emotional reciprocation if it is the only thing that is wanted.

just wondering....
Perfectly happy? No, I don't think so. Ecstatic,yes, then tormented by the thought that she is having that real relationship with someone else.

At the end of the day, it's the relationship that is the goal (at least for me). Not the passionate sexual relationship, but the hand holding I'm so glad we found each other walk on the beach relationship. As John suggests, this fantasy was much grander than mere sex.
"In the end, only three things matter: how much you loved, how gently you lived, and how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you."
Buddhist saying

MrSpock
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Re: No sexual feelings?

Post by MrSpock » Mon Dec 18, 2017 6:18 pm

Chuck wrote:
Mon Dec 18, 2017 5:40 pm
confusedGirl3 wrote:
Tue Dec 22, 2015 1:40 am
My question is, would a limerent man just be perfectly happy if his LO told him that she feels the same, but there isn't going to be a real relationship? LO saying that she feels the same should satisfy the emotional reciprocation if it is the only thing that is wanted.

just wondering....
Perfectly happy? No, I don't think so. Ecstatic,yes, then tormented by the thought that she is having that real relationship with someone else.

At the end of the day, it's the relationship that is the goal (at least for me). Not the passionate sexual relationship, but the hand holding I'm so glad we found each other walk on the beach relationship. As John suggests, this fantasy was much grander than mere sex.
I asked myself the very same question regarding my LO, since being a MM, there won't ever be a relationship between us. And I completely agree with Chuck here. I'm positive that just knowing she feels the same, but we won't be together, is going to feel great for about 5 seconds. Then I'd feel even worst since the "what if" would hunt me for life.

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Erata
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Re: No sexual feelings?

Post by Erata » Sat Feb 17, 2018 5:32 pm

David said,
Lack of sexual desire for our LO's could be explained by the madona-whore complex
This is striking very close to home for me. I identified my LS/LO's Madonna-whore complex way back when I first met him. He would date a girl, and once they became more serious, he would dump her. I watched him express yearning, then disdain for his conquests. Once he had what he seemed to want from them, he would flip and go in the other direction. In turn, noticing this behavior was one of the dynamics that shaped my avoidant response to his pursuit. I refused to date him out of mercy, knowing I would never be able to tolerate this kind of treatment from him. I would be forced to let him go then and both of us would be badly hurt, so why get started?
The best solution seemed to be to remain friends.

But of course you know what happened the minute he asked me to date him and I told him "no. . . "

The perfectly imperfect couple. . . !
Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it. --Rumi

ReeledIn
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Re: No sexual feelings?

Post by ReeledIn » Sat Feb 17, 2018 11:51 pm

Erata wrote:
Sat Feb 17, 2018 5:32 pm
David said,
Lack of sexual desire for our LO's could be explained by the madona-whore complex
This is striking very close to home for me. I identified my LS/LO's Madonna-whore complex way back when I first met him. He would date a girl, and once they became more serious, he would dump her. I watched him express yearning, then disdain for his conquests. Once he had what he seemed to want from them, he would flip and go in the other direction. In turn, noticing this behavior was one of the dynamics that shaped my avoidant response to his pursuit. I refused to date him out of mercy, knowing I would never be able to tolerate this kind of treatment from him. I would be forced to let him go then and both of us would be badly hurt, so why get started?
The best solution seemed to be to remain friends.

But of course you know what happened the minute he asked me to date him and I told him "no. . . "

The perfectly imperfect couple. . . !


Interesting story, Erata! I will have to read up on M/whore complex... my LO is the same way with most women.. he gets bored easily and dumps them hard and fast.. which is what he did with me. The only girls he actually sticks with are the narcissistic ones who are extremely superficial and overly concerned with image, and I think that's because he flips back and forth between codependent and narc roles, depending on the woman. With me, he was the avoidant narc who put me on the pedestal only to devalue me after about 4-5 sexual encounters that he begged me for. With the the more narcissistic women, he becomes the lovesick puppy/codependent. (Afer all, Narcs are really just codependents with much more severe self esteem issues.)

No matter what you all it... it SUCKS to be idealized one minute and devalued the next. :-o My nickame for LO was "180 man" since he was constantly changing his mind about everything.
47yo female, LO/ex PA partner is 54, single dad & coworker
LE started June 2016, PA started Dec 2016
LC began June 2017
Now reconciled with wonderful SO


For my story if interested:
http://limerence.net/forum/viewtopic.php?f=4&t=3738

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