Strong Desire to Bond with LO

Anything here related to matters sexual
AMA210
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Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2016 2:17 pm

Strong Desire to Bond with LO

Post by AMA210 » Tue Sep 12, 2017 9:56 pm

This doesn't happen all of the time. It comes and goes in waves. I imagine it coincides with my hormone fluctuations. The obsessive part of limerence has faded, and now I am left with this nearly unbearable desire to bond (mate) with LO. It's felt within my body and I describe it as an ache amid tingly sensations. Sometimes I feel as though I could literally have a spontaneous climax in response to being with him for 10 minutes. Yes, it's that bad and admitting it here is rough, but this needs to get out of my head.

The act of sex in itself is not what I am interested in, per se, but the bonding experience that goes along with it. I have struggled with this the past 6 months or so, since at least March. It's interesting for me to note that this has not been an issue with DH in the past month. Yet, it persists with LO.

Logically, I know that this will never occur between LO and I.
Even if it held that possibility, we would have to be drunk and not of a sound mind.
It would rip our families apart and I will not be a home wrecker.
I wonder what kills this desire. The end of menopause? The end of limerence? Both?
52 years old, married for 26 years
LO is 53 years old, married for 7 years
LE is 20 months

AMA210
Posts: 1555
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2016 2:17 pm

Re: Strong Desire to Bond with LO

Post by AMA210 » Thu Sep 14, 2017 5:26 pm

A recent post by Pudding caused me to analyze this further. This is in a different context than desiring someone physically. In LE, I think it's more desire to be completely united with LO and the only way to unite the soul is to do that via the physical body. I cannot pull out my soul through my nose and have him do the same so that we can put them together to achieve bliss and wholeness.
52 years old, married for 26 years
LO is 53 years old, married for 7 years
LE is 20 months

Pudding
Posts: 498
Joined: Sat Oct 01, 2016 5:45 am

Re: Strong Desire to Bond with LO

Post by Pudding » Fri Sep 15, 2017 12:29 pm

AMA210 wrote:
Thu Sep 14, 2017 5:26 pm
A recent post by Pudding caused me to analyze this further. This is in a different context than desiring someone physically. In LE, I think it's more desire to be completely united with LO and the only way to unite the soul is to do that via the physical body. I cannot pull out my soul through my nose and have him do the same so that we can put them together to achieve bliss and wholeness.
The post about what my therapist asked me?
F 37
LO is M 34, my son’s teacher

AMA210
Posts: 1555
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2016 2:17 pm

Re: Strong Desire to Bond with LO

Post by AMA210 » Fri Sep 15, 2017 12:47 pm

Yes.
52 years old, married for 26 years
LO is 53 years old, married for 7 years
LE is 20 months

Pudding
Posts: 498
Joined: Sat Oct 01, 2016 5:45 am

Re: Strong Desire to Bond with LO

Post by Pudding » Fri Sep 15, 2017 3:40 pm

Ah yes. I don't understand these cases of limerence where one isn't sexually attracted to their LO. It seems like I'm in the minority with that. Looking at him objectively he isn't really my type nor would he likely be classified as "good looking" to most, but to me he is. Maybe it's more to do with his personality and the others things? :-? All I know is I can definitely feel my body and mind respond sexually to him in ways in which I won't get into here :-$
F 37
LO is M 34, my son’s teacher

townshend
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Re: Strong Desire to Bond with LO

Post by townshend » Fri Sep 15, 2017 3:53 pm

Pudding wrote:
Fri Sep 15, 2017 3:40 pm
Ah yes. I don't understand these cases of limerence where one isn't sexually attracted to their LO. It seems like I'm in the minority with that.
Right though. Everytime someone says that's not even a factor/how pure their LE is I'm like :-? hmmm....guess me and my apparently perverted mind are just gonna sit this one out...... ^#(^
No good has ever come from feeling guilty neither intelligence, policy, nor compassion. The guilty do not pay attention to the object but only to themselves and not even to their own interests, which might make sense, but to their anxieties. -Paul Goodman

JellyBean
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Re: Strong Desire to Bond with LO

Post by JellyBean » Fri Sep 15, 2017 4:04 pm

Being sexually attracted to our LO is normal.
It doesn't matter what they look like, limerence will make them out to be the most amazingly gorgeous person every time, whether we register they are our type or not.

Limerence makes them our type while we are limerent.

Spinnaker
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Re: Strong Desire to Bond with LO

Post by Spinnaker » Fri Sep 15, 2017 7:13 pm

AMA210~

I am still with you on the hormone fluctuations bringing to the surface a deep need for pair bonding.... Both of us were perimenopause when limerence struck.

The insatiable need to bond with LO in a physical sense is another big question which is another rare phenomenon some or maybe most experience during LE.

I have no way of knowing if my LO was limerent during our reciprocated non-consummated "fling" following my disclosure, but we joked about "getting a room" to spoon!?!?! =)) The spooning desire came from him and of course my limerent brain went wild at the thought. YES! That's exactly what I want toooooo! Once we hugged I had a similar but not as intense experience as you. Weightless. Our one and only 15 minute kiss session was great but not as great as I had built it up in my limerent mind. I hadn't kissed in 20 years so I was looking forward to it bigtime.

In hindsight, I think we possibly missed out on an aspect of pre-verbal nurturing. Certain people trigger that dire need for nurturing and we experience the pull of not being able to express our need to be held and feel whole/connected to the human race and mother. It was dormant until your eyes met LO. For myself, LO's voice triggered LE. Maybe it was an overload to our system which confused LO with parent ? :-?

Maybe the confusion/misfire/overload in an imperfectly? developed adult brain might mistake that feeling for love. Love and sexual desire are how we interpret that connection. The young child in us is seeking comfort while the hormonal mid-lifer with a marriage far from ideal seeks the sexual side of connecting with LO.

What you've clearly learned from this is the feelings are connected to you.

Congratulations on your continued progress and thank you for your quest for answers enlightening me to connect the dots and find closure to my limerence journey. :ymhug:
"The biggest secret to limerence is that it has nothing to do with LO."

Limerentfriend :ymhug:
aka L-F

Cookie
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Joined: Wed Sep 27, 2017 4:08 pm

Re: Strong Desire to Bond with LO

Post by Cookie » Wed Oct 04, 2017 2:39 am

townshend wrote:
Fri Sep 15, 2017 3:53 pm
Pudding wrote:
Fri Sep 15, 2017 3:40 pm
Ah yes. I don't understand these cases of limerence where one isn't sexually attracted to their LO. It seems like I'm in the minority with that.
Right though. Everytime someone says that's not even a factor/how pure their LE is I'm like :-? hmmm....guess me and my apparently perverted mind are just gonna sit this one out...... ^#(^
It's not just you. If I didn't have these overwhelming sexual desires for my LOs, I likely would not be on this board and seeking professional help.

I could keep a fantasy thing under wraps for years -- probably a lifetime -- if the need for a physical sexual component were removed. Fantasy itself can certainly enhance your sex life with your SO.

What has been the dealbreaker is the insatiable need to BE with them, as in BE with them. That's what leads to my stupid, impulsive decisions.

I'd like to blame midlife hormones, but this goes back so far that it wouldn't add up. Or maybe I've been in perimenopause for 25 years! /:)

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L-F
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Re: Strong Desire to Bond with LO

Post by L-F » Wed Oct 04, 2017 8:12 am

@cookie... some people are addicted to fantasies which may or may not be sexual in nature. It's far nicer living in a fake world than facing the ugly bits of our lives. Have you looked at what you are trying to cover up? Many discover unmet needs in their relationship which needs to be brought to the attention of their SO (so it can be worked on).

I'm pretty sure it's safe to say that almost all LS want to be with their LO and not in a platonic way.
There is only one happiness in this life... to be wholeheartedly loved unmasked. Limerentfriend

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