wife in limerent affair

[WishMagick]

It's weird. I'm not fighting with my husband right now.
It's probably because our lives are not that much different. We never went out and did anything before. We're not social.
The most social interaction we ever got was with our neighbors...funny, right?

They are being extra super careful and have not even come outside much. So, I'm missing that interaction with LO and his wife.
But, my marriage is doing really well. I feel closer to my husband right now. I'm enjoying him being home!!!

[MrSpock]

It's weird. I'm not fighting with my husband right now.
It's probably because our lives are not that much different. We never went out and did anything before. We're not social.

As I work from home since my wife was first pregnant 16 years ago, and she is a stay-at-home-mom, we had to spend pretty much all day together for quite a while.

But oddly enough, when we used to fight, and a lot, most of the triggers were outside, in social life. For example, my wife has almost no friends of her own, so outside of family, it was always my friends we would visit (with one and only one exception who is, paradoxically as it can be, my former LO who being my friend ended up being a friend to my wife), and that seemed to triggered all sort of issues.

Also oddly enough, since I started with the current LE 3 years ago, we just don't fight anymore. Even when there is a conflict, we just handle it quite differently (well, I do it at least).

[qwerty]

So I haven't updated this thread in a while.

A month ago the country went into near shutdown because of the covid-19 crisis. I haven't seen my wife since then, but we had some (very limited) contact. What she told me is that she gave up the flat she was renting and was living with her girl friend. For 1 month I didn't hear her voice.

A few days ago she managed to get the embassy of her country to evacuate her to her home country. So now she's there alone. As soon as she left her friend's place, she started contacting me more often, more like flooding me with text and voice messages. She said she wished we could have seen each other before she left. She said she was very sorry for the way she has treated me, and asked again if we could do online couples therapy. I said I still want couples therapy, but that she should know that my goal out of it would be to save our marriage. I suggested that she uses her time alone now to try to figure out what she wants.

She said that she is thinking a lot about it, and that she wants to figure out if she could forgive herself and live with what she did. I said I understand. She said she will use her alone time to think very deeply about things. Her messages to me since have become extremely friendly and cheerful....

My therapy has helped me to detach to a great extent from this situation. While I'm leaving the door open for her (and I definitely cannot get into any other relationship at the moment anyway), I really believe I'm going to be just fine without her. I have also figured out that if she decides to come back to the marriage, couples therapy is absolutely necessary but also I have some strict conditions she has to agree to. I will also make it clear what my needs are that I expect her to meet and respect.

I cannot go to her country at the moment and we probably won't see each other again in person for many months... But she told me she wants to talk to me about stuff and I want to tell her about limerence if the chance comes up and send her some information about it. I think she will find it valuable in any case.

[L-F]

Good luck querty. I hope things work out for the both of you. Sounds like you are both in better positions for some good old fashioned honest communication. All the best for the future.