Limerence or not?

Find support here if your partner is in limerence, having an affair or love addicted.
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Forigner
Posts: 5
Joined: Wed Dec 18, 2019 4:27 am
Gender:
Belgium

Limerence or not?

Post by Forigner »

Hello all the way from Europe. Found this forum, and I’m desperate to find out what’s going on with my spouse. Could he be limerent or has he ‘just fallen in love’ with a co-worker?

Back in August he tells me, that he’s not in love with me anymore. He loves me, but not the ‘right way’. We have been together for 14 years and have a son, who just turned 10. Our relationship has not been the best for a year or so, but I never thought it was going to end this way. That he would give up on us without even giving it a fair try.

After 2 months of me bending over backwards trying to show him how much I love him, us going to couples therapy- he finally tells me, that he is in love with a co-worker. A co-worker who is way older than him, married with kids and not at a women he normally would be attracted to. At all.

He tells me that they have this special emotional connection and spend hours just talking in his car and on the phone. They have tried to hook up at a hotel, but he couldn’t ‘perform’. Still they kiss, hug etc.. He insists that she is a kind of soulmate who ‘gets him’ in a way I never did (or will), and that this is not really a physical ‘thing’. Yet, I guess that’s where they’re heading.

Now. To months After d-day he has been back and forth with me several times. Some days he tries to re-connect with me, just to turn on me hours later. He is now in therapy alone, but not really addressing his issues there. It seems like all he does is trying to accept the fgact, taht he alone is going to break up the family. We’re still very intimate with each other, touching, kissing and spend some nights just talking about our relationship, life and the future - but he can’t (won’t?) let go of her, no matter how hard he tries. Even though he knows that it is the only thing to do if he wants to keep his family. He says that she could be the best thing that ever happened to him.

A week ago he told me that he can’t keep doing this to me, so now I’m looking for a new home and preparing to tell my son, that he’s parents are going to split. I’m devastated and in chok. I klnow he is 'in there' somewhere - but I can't get him to see clearly. I can not reason with him at all. It’s like he has this filter in his brain, but I’m not sure if he is limerent or not. Normally sex and intimacy means the world to him, but now the only thing that matters is their emotional connection. At the same time he has become extremely jalous of anything I do, a side of him that I have never seen before.

Does any of this sound familiar to anyone?

marko
Posts: 1717
Joined: Sun Feb 26, 2017 4:20 pm
United States of America

Re: Limerence or not?

Post by marko »

Yes, we make a fool of ourselves.

NoDayDreaming

Re: Limerence or not?

Post by NoDayDreaming »

it does like a severe case of limerence, except for the jealousy of you. he should be jealous of his LO. this is a full blown PA. your marriage may not recover from it. you need to decide between counselor or lawyer. please get the book: "not just Friends" by Shirley Glass. very pertinent to your situation.

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PVSDO
Posts: 25
Joined: Tue Sep 01, 2020 1:24 am
Gender:
United States of America

Re: Limerence or not?

Post by PVSDO »

Forigner wrote:
Wed Dec 18, 2019 7:07 am


After 2 months of me bending over backwards trying to show him how much I love him, us going to couples therapy- he finally tells me, that he is in love with a co-worker. A co-worker who is way older than him, married with kids and not at a women he normally would be attracted to. At all.

Does any of this sound familiar to anyone?

I feel like I ran in to this page to late. but for the next reader that has this same issue. TELL THE HUSBAND!!!! It will limit her access.

EAs just suck. if you stop it you end up with a heartbroken SO, at your house, telling you nothing happened.
They dont grasp what they said or did while in the fog...
Your SO really thinks or acts like you are upset about a petty argument.
Your SO will apologize and think sorry helped....
You end up emotionally damaged because your SO was not protecting you or your marriage.
After all the crazy your SO says and does you look at you and them different. It's like you are married to a person you don't know!!!!!!

THE GOOD:

If you stop it you end up with a heartbroken SO, at YOUR house, telling you nothing happened. your SO is home.
Your SO will apologize and think sorry helped.... Acknowledgment of Responsibility helps.
You took time out for you during this to set boundaries.
You can look at how strong you really are because you didn't kill anyone ( I know you had that moment)
After all the crazy your SO says and does you look at you and them different. It's like you are married to a person you don't know!!!!!
Take full advantage and have as much sex as you can with this "stranger" Its like getting "something new." ( you were light weight board anyway) take a few shots, be brave and look your SO in the eyes and ORGASM!!! if it was an EA did LO have sex with your SO NO but did you just have sex with LO's boyfriend/girlfriend.....YOU DID!!! In order for this to work you need to detach but it's worth it even if you only get peace for the time.
IF you find a MC that knows what limerence is (not all do) this can all be worked out!!!!!
It is what it is....with minor adjustments :D

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