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Re: What to do?

Posted: Sat Feb 16, 2019 12:54 pm
by nattie03
Hi Stephen

I have never commented but I've read through all 15 pages in this thread and I can relate to you a lot. You alone get to decide what's best for you. End of story. No one knows you like you do. People can offer advice, suggestions, insights but they don't know you best. You have to make decisions for yourself. I am in a very similar situation to you however I am choosing to stand for my marriage. I only speak with people who are pro marriage and pro reconciliation because they align with my values and desires. I'm in a different online group where I receive a lot of support because every single person in the group is standing for their marriage. Same roller coaster emotions, difficult conversations, means SOs sometimes but the point is they all are standing for their marriage, some have been standing for months, some for a few years. People here are trying to rush you to divorce. I don't know why. If they read what you are writing you have said over and over it's not what you want. So stop listening to other people and listen to yourself. Visit the website marriagehelper.com and start reading their articles on limerence so you understand it's not that your wife is a bad person, she is a good person doing a bad thing based on how you described your 7 years of marriage. Watch their videos on YouTube called SMART contact and also PIES. And PLEASE start aligning yourself with people/voices who have the same values/perspective as you. Marriage Helper has a save my marriage course and FB group, I started it a week ago and I already feel so much better. It is definitely a process but I'm focusing on myself right now and making myself a better person. There is a reason why your marriage broke down outside of limerence..You need to do deep reflection to discover this. Take your time, don't rush anything. 7 years of marriage should not be thrown away after a few months. There is ALWAYS Hope but I will say hope only becomes reconciliation with change. So give time for change to happen and work on bettering yourself, not distracting yourself but actively bettering yourself. You can message me privately if you want to talk more but I support you and encourage you to stand for your marriage and listen to your heart.

Re: What to do?

Posted: Thu May 02, 2019 7:19 pm
by Pudding
How are things going with you?

Re: What to do?

Posted: Mon Aug 26, 2019 1:10 am
by Stephen
Pudding wrote:
Thu May 02, 2019 7:19 pm
How are things going with you?
Hello,

It's been a while since I've been on this site. About a year exactly since everything fell apart, I still really miss what I had. Things have gotten better with time and distance, but it still hurts. It's incredibly lonely without her. I don't feel angry at her, but I do feel upset with how she went about ending everything. I recently watched a dear friend of mine go through difficulties in her marriage, but rather than run like a coward when things became difficult, she communicated with her husband and gave him and herself every opportunity to understand what needs to be changed and fought to save their relationship/marriage. Instead of impulsively acting on her selfish interests and taking the easy way out, she thought rationally, maturely, responsibly, she showed true integrity. She sought to understand why she was feeling what she was. I admire her so much for doing the hard, dirty work. I wish my wife gave me/her/us a chance like that.

I've not heard anything from my wife since I signed those papers. It's like she doesn't care at all, like those seven years we were together meant nothing to her. I have no idea if she and the guy she left me for are still seeing each other, not that it matters. I do wonder if I cross her mind even a fraction of how often she haunts my thoughts. This healing is going to take some time yet. Anniversaries, birthdays, and other meaningful dates are constantly on my mind. I want to reach out sometimes, I want to say hello, I want to try and be on speaking terms, but I just don't think she cares and I'm afraid to let her hurt me anymore than she already has. I hope she's doing well. I hope she's happy...

Re: What to do?

Posted: Mon Aug 26, 2019 1:48 am
by AnnieKaye9924
Oh, wow. I wasn’t around when you originally posted but I just read your first post & some throughout the thread.

So very sorry this happened to you. Sobering reminder of what it is like on the other side.

Re: What to do?

Posted: Mon Aug 26, 2019 8:02 am
by L-F
I hope you both find happiness.

Re: What to do?

Posted: Mon Aug 26, 2019 5:13 pm
by nattie03
Hi Stephen

The best thing you could do is let go. It shows you are in control of your life and as such when you empty your hands, they can now be open to receive whatever God has for you. I understand completely what you say about wishing your wife would have given your relationship a fighting chance. She may not have had the capacity at that time because all she was thinking about was herself and that the lie that she deserved to be happy whatever the cost. One day she will realize what she had in you.

My hope for you is that you will find deeper meaning and fulfillment in life that surpasses what any one individual could bring you and that as you heal, the sunshine will appear and you will experience joy again. Encouragingwomen.org has helped me greatly to move forward in my life and find healing and they have a male counterpart encouragingmen.org that may interest you. I hope no matter what you find peace and strength, you have a beautiful, good character which shines through even as you wish her well and don't hold malice and anger towards her.