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Establishing Emotional Connection after LE

Find support here if your partner is in limerence, having an affair or love addicted.
AMA210
Posts: 1931
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2016 2:17 pm
Location: Midwest
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Re: Establishing Emotional Connection after LE

Post by AMA210 » Sat Feb 10, 2018 7:23 pm

Spinnaker wrote:
Sat Feb 10, 2018 6:59 pm
AMA this is ridiculousness. What does your T say about this?
I agree!! T says to work on myself first, clear that baggage. Explain it to DH, either he will embrace the positive changes in you and be inspired or he won't. When you know you are to the place of loving yourself, then start repairing the relationship.
Trying to do both at once is not possible, IMO. DH has tons of baggage and issues and there is too much resentment towards him. My physical attraction to him is dead and there isn't much left. The past 5 years, it's been gradually declining.


Over the years, 3 of my T's have specifically asked to set up appointments during the worst of times to discuss sensitive topics with SO. (just 1 appt every so often) Based on my experience, I would assume that since you aren't in marriage counseling, you can still request a couples appointment in which T can mediate.

Go alone to your appt. next week with a written list of the issues and discuss all of them. When the couples appt. arrives, let her guide the direction of the counseling, but be prepared mentally for an ultimatum or temporary separation type discussion. I doubt if she will tell you what she plans to recommend until you are both seated with her (so you won't bring it up in the interim and make reconciliation through mediation more challenging).

She will give you guidance regarding how to broach the subject and what to say if he refuses to meet with her. If she doesn't and you are thinking he will refuse, ask her how to make the request.

My SO won't agree to marriage counseling, but each time I've told him, "T wants to meet with both of us... nothing ongoing....just to hear what you have to say," he agreed. Of course, we had to meet after 5:00 because he couldn't be bothered changing his work schedule. Just make it as easy as possible to get him in the room.

I'm just relaying my opinion and experience.
DH is very adamant that any therapy is a waste of time and he doesn't need to be "fixed" by anyone. He will go if I force him, but he sees nothing wrong, as my obsession with LO was just an infatuation that will pass.
We talk, I explain, he doesn't get it, he thinks I psycho-analyze him and then because we talked "connected", all is ok and he says I love you, are we good?

He does not light my inner flame, period.
LE was 22 months...LO catalyst for awakening, in which I chose divorce (after 27 years of marriage)
Very happy and content with my new beginning

Spinnaker
Posts: 2325
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Re: Establishing Emotional Connection after LE

Post by Spinnaker » Sat Feb 10, 2018 8:02 pm

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“We are tied in a single garment of destiny. What affects one directly affects everyone indirectly”.
Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

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