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It's time

Find support here if your partner is in limerence, having an affair or love addicted.
marko
Posts: 1493
Joined: Sun Feb 26, 2017 4:20 pm
United States of America

It's time

Post by marko » Fri Sep 01, 2017 8:58 pm

I've spelled out a long dead marriage in other posts. To be honest I hid from me in the wife, shotgun wedding and thought the kids would do better in a dead marriage as opposed to divorce. I was wrong (but who knows the damage the other might have caused) as this has caused lots of damage as well. The LO pointed this out and in LE madness I began unraveling my participation in this. I also proceeded slowly as the mind pollution of LE also sways thought and opinion. The LO didn't cause this, it was time to quit hiding and playing a destructive game.

Eventually I sought help and began to disclose, very little of LE, some were told of the obsessing over an female object to escape to, most haven't a clue. The BPD diagnosis gave tangible words to what ails me. I do obsess, and since the destructive parts of BPD fit LE rather well, it's fine to go with that. My wife's passive aggressive matched with my quirks and of course LE tendencies just have me at a dead end.

Wednesday middle daughter, now 20, seeks help as she is so stressed over marriage. The last straw so to speak. The guilt and shame can't be hid from any longer, so tomorrow is the day I start this with my wife. Not disclosure, just the fact we have no relationship and it's also killing the kids.

Telling mom, pastor and the oldest of all the woes has been very hard, my wife seems insurmountable, made more complex with all the other unknowns. In my obsessive swirling mind I can barely get a handle on what to say. As usual I want everyone to be ok, but see no ok. She's also nuts and I see a vindication that I might not survive. She was a bad mom and I need to protect my youngest 17. She shut them out like me and they have no relationship whatsoever. The house, the junk, and the insurance benefits--oh my now what?

The therapist gave me somethings to start with, and I have to do this. As obvious as this is to everyone if talked to I fear most she either doesn't notice or wrote it off so long ago, she crawled into the strange shell she lives in. Wish me well and may I remain honest to me and to her. I can't go on with the lie any longer.

Limfriend1
Posts: 1579
Joined: Mon Sep 12, 2016 10:12 am
United States of America

Re: It's time

Post by Limfriend1 » Fri Sep 01, 2017 9:04 pm

Good luck Marko... with whatever decision you choose to do.

townshend
Posts: 1018
Joined: Fri Feb 10, 2017 2:19 am
Gender:
Age: 24
United States of America

Re: It's time

Post by townshend » Fri Sep 01, 2017 10:36 pm

Best of luck marko! Tough deal but you'll get through it, Keep making those strides.
No good has ever come from feeling guilty neither intelligence, policy, nor compassion. The guilty do not pay attention to the object but only to themselves and not even to their own interests, which might make sense, but to their anxieties. -Paul Goodman

Ivanhoe
Posts: 484
Joined: Wed Jun 07, 2017 9:49 pm
Location: Southwest US
Gender:
Age: 67
United States of America

Re: It's time

Post by Ivanhoe » Fri Sep 01, 2017 10:56 pm

Good luck, Marko!
65 (feel 50); Male

"Grief makes children of us all. Any intellectual difference is destroyed. The wisest know nothing."
- Emerson

Anna
Posts: 375
Joined: Wed Jan 25, 2017 11:15 pm
Canada

Re: It's time

Post by Anna » Sat Sep 02, 2017 4:14 am

Do what your heart is telling you! And only you know what that is. So all the best and good luck and we are all here to help afterwards!

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FreeBird
Posts: 526
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Re: It's time

Post by FreeBird » Sat Sep 02, 2017 10:56 pm

Wishing you all the best, Marko!
Mayberry:Gateway to danger :ymcowboy:

GoneWithTheWind
Posts: 33
Joined: Sat Jul 08, 2017 9:44 pm

Re: It's time

Post by GoneWithTheWind » Sun Sep 03, 2017 12:46 am

Good luck! I hope everything goes well.

marko
Posts: 1493
Joined: Sun Feb 26, 2017 4:20 pm
United States of America

Re: It's time

Post by marko » Sun Sep 03, 2017 12:52 am

That was painful, I then told my Son. Take a mallet to my head or see his hurt--mallet. I was direct and honest and right now don't know where things are at. She couldn't argue we have zero. She was actually fairly kind, we both said we don't blame. She was more hopeful and thought I was an OK husband. I told her I've been consumed by guilt for not being a good husband. She wasn't overly broken up and thought I had made up my mind so that's that. She then left. My mind is such a spin I don't know what to do or say right now. My escape wants to put it all together and be the good guy. My gut hates me for bringing this destruction. I want to believe some counselor can fix us, mostly I wish I could pull it all back in. More than anything I want my son to be OK. Tough to show the one person who you might be a hero to, that you're not--just crushed. Now what I don't know. This had to be done, I wish I could sort my mind to do the right thing, or figure out what that might be.

JohnDeux
Posts: 1937
Joined: Mon Feb 24, 2014 11:42 pm

Re: It's time

Post by JohnDeux » Sun Sep 03, 2017 1:02 am

marko wrote:
Sun Sep 03, 2017 12:52 am
More than anything I want my son to be OK. Tough to show the one person who you might be a hero to, that you're not--just crushed.
You've got your heros inverted. They do the toughest, most unpopular things.....that are the right things to do. Your son.....and daughter....will learn that you are human. And that you loved them enough to do this for them. Wish my parents had done the same.
"Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain...."~ The Wizard of Oz

AMA210
Posts: 1931
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2016 2:17 pm
Location: Midwest
United States of America

Re: It's time

Post by AMA210 » Sun Sep 03, 2017 2:28 am

There comes a time when you have to stop living the lie, wake up, and see it for what it is. Band aids don't work either. I am a product of staying together for the kids, which resulted in growing up in a dysfunctional family with parents who fought more than talked to each other. So much fighting....so little affection towards each other.....but better to stay together. Divorce in the 70's wasn't the popular choice. I think they were happy at one time, but both were middle aged already when I was born.

It's good that your kids are older--better in being able to understand it. I am here for you. This is very tough to do, but I think your LE made you realize many things. :ymhug:
LE was 22 months...LO catalyst for awakening, in which I chose divorce (after 27 years of marriage)
Very happy and content with my new beginning

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