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I will try to not talk your ear off. To give a brief synopsis I have had struggled with Low Self Esteem, Anxiety, Depression and Limerence for many years now. I believe it stemmed from a neglected childhood and lack of parental supervision, bullying and very negative influences.
At any rate I met Sarah when I was 20 and she was my first girlfriend and woman I truly admired. I had girls before I felt infatuated with but she was different. She really liked me for who I was even though I didn't. I felt she accepted me and had her mind on higher moral ideals. She is a very passionate, heartfelt person. I really enjoyed our friendship and the first few months of our dating relationship.
Then things got a bit convoluted. To give some background she came from an abusive home where she was constantly put down and bullied by both her Parents. I feel the two of us started to have some spats because of our broken upbringings. We still had a lot of good times and I still really admired her but soon I began feeling hurt and the need to retreat. I felt low and cowardly, love is worth fighting for but I instead started forging a friendship with her younger sister. Soon I started to feel infatuated with her and we hung out alone at times. It got to the point where I was going to break it off with Sarah but she went to the hospital and immediately I felt like a bucket of cold water was dumped on my drunken limerent self. I really didn't want to lose Sarah and I forgot for a moment all of those infatuated feelings. I later confessed to Sarah that I was having issues with her sister. She forgave me but my obsessive infatuation lingered and a few months later I was having strong feelings again. I went back and forth with these feelings for quite a few years and they caused a lot of turmoil in our relationship.
We hung on though because we really liked each other and didn't want to lose the relationship however my emotions felt out of control. I was fine for a period of time and we decided to get married. Then I started to have issues with some other women at work and off and on with her sister for a few more years. Altogether I think I was limerent for her sister for a total of 10 years. I finally came to a point where I had stopped having an LO but our relationship was torn up.
The last thing that recently pushed her over the edge was a flirty interaction with her sister at Easter and a sexual dream involving her that ensued. These past few months we have been doing some intense soul searching and she has been feeling very flooded with anger and dismay. We have been together 17 years and have 3 children we adore. She is at the point of wanting a separation and is really distraught. I feel awful about everything, so sick at my core. I am willing to do anything to stay with her and I care for her. Any advice would be great. We really only just now learned about limerence and other attachment issues. Thank you for listening to my story and giving me some of your time.
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My advice, get into the therapy and get your SO into therapy. If cost is an issue, approach training colleges where you can often get low cost therapy. Read the forum starting with the recovery section.
Good luck and glad you found this community.
I just reread your title to this thread. I would say its not your job to help your wife with your issues, thats your job.
For Relationship Coaching help see www.loverelations.co.uk
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