Spinnaker wrote: ↑
Wed Jul 05, 2017 12:12 am
Very informative thread! I will add my $.02 and a bit of a update here...
Interesting how, over time, even familiar concepts like trauma bonding or narcissistic behavior reveals and teaches more. Not only that, but as time progresses, a level of understanding or even a sense of owning my own baggage, getting my head out of the sand or clouds is influencing my perspective.
I heard this song today (below) and it brought back so many painful and sad memories of the difficulty fighting LE and feeling almost as if I were under the "curse" of his eyes...
I believe when limerence comes out of left field and instantaneously
puts you under a spell like state, we can attribute this to amygdala hijacking. However, herein lies my confusion, the emotional trigger should give way to logical thought with regret or acceptance that the thoughts and feelings were inappropriate. For myself, that regret rarely took place when I was at the height of limerence. So I went on for months in this state of supposed hijacking? Maybe the jury is still out on what exactly is going on, day in and day out, living with LE. Any explanations are welcome here. I am certainly no expert. I'm simply a recovering, but always curious limerent soul....
Trauma bonding explains away much of my "connection" to LO. However, how did I sense that shared wound? In getting to know LO we discovered this, but how do we see it in their eyes? Or, do we? Maybe something inside of us knows....
Today, I am familiar with what caused my childhood wounds and how that has affected many of my choices, thoughts and brought me to where I am today, but •
☆how and ☆why the connection often remains a mystery....
At a certain point in my healing how and why became an obsessive like focus, probably because I wanted an excuse to distract myself from the real work...the painful work of owning my flaws and freeing myself of co-dependent relationships.
The perfect storm comes along and for some inexplicable reason we beco.e limerent. The hijacking doesn't ease back to reality overnight and for some, it seems the la la land is quite pathological.
There are no easy nor definitive answers to our LE. Each can relate to most of the challenges and that is why this forum in particular is such a terrific tool in aiding our healing.
Today, I received an Independence Day, "happy holiday" type message from LO. We have no current work projects and it's been about a month since we last saw eachother. FINALLY, I view him as another human being, a friend, a cohort, a fellow damaged soul.
Following our exchange, I heard "Lovers Eyes" by Mumford and Sons, which reminded me of this thread. As I listened to the words and recalled the past 3 years since limerence took on a life of its own, wreaking havoc and opening my eyes to necessary change, I compared my mindset throughout the years.
I no longer think of LE as a curse, but an awakening
from years of repressed feelings. Like having a baby, it hurts like hell but we do it again because the reward is so beautiful. Ha! Maybe that is a bad analogy, since I have no interest in being drawn back into battle.
What I am trying to say, is the whole ordeal changes
you and my journey was worth the pain and heartache.
The fact is, some things in life are inexplicable
to the extent that they may never
be answered nor understood. It takes TIME and EFFORT to discover answers. I have accepted that I will never fully understand my LE. I am happy to say, I am okay with that.
So, here is the song:
Mumford and Sons