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Being an LO

Find support here if your partner is in limerence, having an affair or love addicted.
Limfriend1
Posts: 1579
Joined: Mon Sep 12, 2016 10:12 am
United States of America

Re: Being an LO is the worst thing ever

Post by Limfriend1 » Sat Apr 08, 2017 8:38 am

Thanks for being courages JT and sharing your views. I understand everything you have shared :ymhug:

JupiterTaco
Posts: 3851
Joined: Sun Jun 28, 2015 6:12 pm
United States of America

Re: Being an LO is the worst thing ever

Post by JupiterTaco » Sat Apr 08, 2017 10:59 pm

Limerentfriend wrote:
Sat Apr 08, 2017 8:38 am
Thanks for being courages JT and sharing your views. I understand everything you have shared :ymhug:
Thank you, LF, you're pretty courageous yourself! :)

Oh I forgot I did have one ten years younger than me a few years ago, but he was a good kid. He hit on me in front of former LO earlier on in my limerence, which embarrassed the crap out of me. He'd hang around my work area and even go to my work in the middle of the night constantly even though he worked days. But he wasn't creepy about it, I mean he was friendly and he wanted to see me outside work and against my better judgment we hung out once and just went for a walk on a bike path and that was it and as far as I know, we both kept it to ourselves. The second time we made plans he sold his jeep on a whim and waited until the last minute to call and tell me and ask me for a ride to a jeep dealership so he could get another one. :-?

After that I avoided his calls and he kept showing up at my work and asked me out again in front of the biggest gossip on my shift, who told the rest of the store. For the rest of the day I had to field questions about it from people who barely talked to me, and I finally screamed at someone "does anyone in this place just mind their own damn business???" And to top it off I felt like a big jerk for turning this little boy down even though he was the one who stood me up first. :roll: He'd park next to me, and I was driving my friend Y home every day at that point and he'd be out at his car and start talking to us. My friend was always like "something's wrong with that boy," and I'd be like "ya think?" He told me he was going to find me and eat with me when we had to work Black Friday together, but thankfully I was able to avoid him.

Sometime after that he moved away, and he came and said goodbye to me before he left, and then he came back one time some months later, right after my relative L died actually, he just appeared out of nowhere one day and I was just not in the mood to chat. That was the last time I ever saw him. He had a pretty turbulent home life too it seemed. He was a good kid, I wish him well. :-h
F.E.A.R-Forget Everything And Run or Face Everything And Rise

Limfriend1
Posts: 1579
Joined: Mon Sep 12, 2016 10:12 am
United States of America

Re: Being an LO is the worst thing ever

Post by Limfriend1 » Sat Apr 08, 2017 11:13 pm

Heart_Open wrote:
Fri Apr 07, 2017 11:38 pm
Limerentfriend wrote:
Fri Apr 07, 2017 10:46 pm
Pudding wrote:
Fri Apr 07, 2017 9:50 pm

No Pudding. It is because I can see through your games that you and your mates have been playing on here for the past couple of days and I'm not interested in playing those games. You along with others have pointed the finger at me many times. If that floats your boat, go for it. Putting a :lol: emoticon is pretty juvenile. And I refuse to subject myself to gameplaying. Which is also a narc trait.
Woah..was going to respond to all your posts tomorrow with a balanced view. Because I believe in the past you have had plenty of good things to say, and because there is something obviously triggering you. Hmmm.
There are no games LF. There really aren't. No-one is playing games because, quite frankly, we have enough shit going on. Perhaps you need to think about what has triggered all this in you?
I would take a few moments out...days even... to reflect. (Intend to) You talk alot about narc traits and certainly exhibit little if no empathy. We are all here to support one another. What you have done with your posts is alienate people, made them hyper conscious about sharing and ruined their experience of this site. You probably did something similar on spiritual forums re twin flames or maybe left just before you did.
Can you please explain yourself here?

Look, we are all experiencing something, to varying degrees, a little bit of empathy goes such a very long way. For the record...i have been the LO a few times. But, nowhere near what you seem to have experienced so you are right, I can't possibly begin to think of the nightmare you went through.
Just please, be mindful that this site is full of those suffering from limerence. You can read their pain even if you can't empathise with it.

Limfriend1
Posts: 1579
Joined: Mon Sep 12, 2016 10:12 am
United States of America

Re: Being an LO is the worst thing ever

Post by Limfriend1 » Sat Apr 08, 2017 11:17 pm

limerentgirl wrote:
Sat Apr 08, 2017 3:46 am
Hey @Limerentfriend...

I have been a LO for a couple of times. Honestly that was not that hard. I just said what I felt and then ignored them. One of my LO's used to call my house and have loooong conversations with my mom. I just didn't care. I had already told him what I felt.

I'm a very empathetic person, but I believe people should take care of their own broken hearts.

I think the problem is not being an LO itself. The problem is your specific LO. Limerence is not an excuse to stalk people and make them unconfortable. I never did that to my LO. Actually I think I should have approached him more clearly in the past.

In my personal experience, being in LE is much worse than being an LO, but I agree with you that having an inconvenient person limerent towards you is probably like hell.

I agree with you partially in the sense that some people are glorifying limerence here, but usually they are in more early stages in their LEs. I have been limerent for almost two years, so even my limerent brain can't believe my own lies anymore.

I saw some posts that I didn't like and made me feel bad, but I just ignored them. One example is that post about hugging your LO. Maybe those posts are opportunities for us to show our colleagues that their mindset might not be the most appropriate.
Thank you. I am highlighting this because it comes across as your opinion without the fingerpointing. Thanks for sharing, I appreciate it.

Limfriend1
Posts: 1579
Joined: Mon Sep 12, 2016 10:12 am
United States of America

Re: Being an LO is the worst thing ever

Post by Limfriend1 » Sat Apr 08, 2017 11:18 pm

Lost and confused wrote:
Sat Apr 08, 2017 6:19 am
I think there is a difference between having a stalker whose behaviour ends up being threatening and being limerent, they are not the same thing,
From personal experience, I dont see that my LO would have suffered as much as I from being an LS. I say this because on many occasions she came to me and chose to spend time with me. If she felt I was a threat I dont think she would do that. Of course I dont know what she feels, but that seems fairly logical to me.
Of course she could actually be limerent for me and suffering, but in that case she would be suffering from LE.

I guess all things are on a scale. I know that my, and probably for most people on here, being limerent was absolutely hellishly incapacitating, to the point of not being functional. To the point of wanting to quit my job to escape, despite it being otherwise the best job I had.

I wonder if being a runner makes it a different "experience" as opposed to be someone who chases.

I am sure being stalked and threatened (and being threatened does not have to be overt and explicit or even on purpose) must be very scary, especially in your case LF where you feel that you could be compromised in your job.

I think its natural that people are triggered when its implied that they are making someone feel even worse than they feel. That probably impacts on them in terms of the natural shame and blame that many of us have issues with from youth.

But in terms of your question, how would you handle a 17 y/o, I think that you are probably doing all you can. Keeping NC and not giving her anything to work with. We know how bl00dy persistant and illogical LE is, many LSs have been treated poorly by LOs and the LE still doesnt disappear. I guess make sure your boss and all the people at work know the situation, and try not to be alone with her so you could be compromised. Not a nice situation.
Another post where there is no fingerpointing or personal insults directed at me. Thank you for sharing.

JupiterTaco
Posts: 3851
Joined: Sun Jun 28, 2015 6:12 pm
United States of America

Re: Being an LO is the worst thing ever

Post by JupiterTaco » Sat Apr 22, 2017 3:00 am

Oh, I forgot, the "kid" I hung out with from my work randomly came back to town to visit and showed up at my work the night my relative L had gone into the hospital. Because sometime after that, was when I had that nasty couple customers and walked out of work. Gosh that was so long ago now.

And the other creepy neighbor I had lived next door to me, he was an older man too. He'd ask me constantly if I had a boyfriend and I'd tell him I did even though I didn't. He'd have his door open all day and stand in his kitchen and drink and stare out of it as if expecting me to walk by. If I was outside for whatever reason he'd come out and start chatting. Eventually he asked me why my boyfriend was never around. I told him he was locked up. =)) Of course felons are another big group I seem to attract a lot of so I guess it could be my situation... :oops:
F.E.A.R-Forget Everything And Run or Face Everything And Rise

NVTS
Posts: 539
Joined: Wed Sep 13, 2017 4:49 pm
Fiji

Re: Being an LO is the worst thing ever

Post by NVTS » Fri Dec 08, 2017 2:16 pm

Bumping this thread because it has some relevance to my thought train. The amount of stuff I've learned thus far AND the awareness of Limerence in general has got my eyes open to a lot of things that I wouldn't have noticed before( I suppose I could be reading into things too much).

Reflecting on encounters and relationships over the course of my life(both personal and professional) I think I have been an LO on at least one occasion. I can't say that it is the worst thing ever but it is a bit weird. I suppose that if I were stalked then it may be the worst thing but fortunately that hasn't happened.

I have a cousin R who is about 12 years younger than me and lives about an hours flight.He has some serious FUFOO issues and is in T. He got married about 7 years ago to a gal from India. It was an arranged type of deal similar to mine but different enough. K, his wife has some serious FUFOO issues of her own.

Me being one of the Older cousins of our generation, I am looked to as an elder brother in many ways. Being 2nd generation immigrants we have many similar struggles and issues as it relates to dealing with FOO's and getting along at school and dating etc,etc. R is a good dude sorta introverted and intelligent but not the life of the party kinda guy. He has less experience pre marriage with women than I do, so basically none.

R and K visit us once or twice a year and we usually have them over for a meal and catch up on our lives. We live in a tourism centered town so we get to catch up with people all the time in this manner. Sometimes they are houseguests but usually they join us for a meal or a drink. The last time they were here R said something interesting; He asked K in front of us why they keep coming back to our town as tourists when there is whole world to see?

They don't have the restriction of kids yet, so in theory they can travel anywhere. There was a short but pregnant pause and she just shrugged her shoulders and said that she just enjoys coming here. Keep in mind I am in LE with my latest LO so everything seems tinted by this. We sat and had some wine and my wife prepared a nice dinner. As usual we discussed work, family, and life in general. I have always got the sense from the first time I met K, that they really didn't have that chemistry as a couple. K is more extroverted and spontaneous. As the night wore on I caught her giving me those same kinda flirty stares that I am noticing in general and I thought holy crap, I think she's got a crush on me!

She is a nice gal but certainly NOT my type. I am not attracted to her in the least. She doesn't try to contact me or DW on any regular basis,if she did then would be really weird( more than it already seems).Now I think I know why she would rather come to visit us than go to some new place. I haven't received any "danger signs" yet, not sure how I would handle it if it got worse.
M-47-married
LO- married 48,work colleagues

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