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Being an LO

Find support here if your partner is in limerence, having an affair or love addicted.
Limfriend1
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Being an LO

Post by Limfriend1 » Fri Apr 07, 2017 5:24 am

The real reason behind my dislike of endorsing limerence as an ‘okay thing’

Before I share, all I ask is not to quote me because I could quite possibly delete some stuff if I have a panic attack over it.

I’ve been on both sides of the fence. With my LE I didn’t like it nor did I go in for the ‘hits’. It was a hideous drug that messed with my head and I hated every part of it. I was, what is often known as, ‘the runner’ in the Twin Flame world of things.

Having been an LO, I hated that too! Even more so. It scared me personally and professionally. I learnt my lesson quickly and hoped I would never encounter limerence again – almost as if I had magically grown wings of some sort that would protect me. Oh how wrong was I!

I dislike the illusion of it all. The person who was limerent over me probably shared the same kind of stories such as reciprocation (in their mind), which couldn’t have been further from the truth! Me pulling away may have been interpreted as me being in denial about my strong attachment and feelings to them. COULD NOT BE FURTHER FROM THE TRUTH! I reported said client. I told colleagues I would not be dealing with said person because of their limerence issue. They joked! Oh it was all so funny for everyone EXCEPT ME!

This is where I am asking for your opinions.

It appears I have another person who could be limerent towards me. I am an LGBTI coordinator for our area. This 17 (yes 17) year old hangs out waiting, hoping to ‘catch me' by asking random questions. I’m not scared of this young gal (who identifies as bi), thus I don’t hide in my office. She appears harmless enough. BUT she also dresses up wearing lacy dresses with flowers in her hair and lots of makeup on. I DON’T LIKE IT! She will wait for me to comment and I simply refuse to acknowledge what she is wearing as it would be unprofessional of me anyway. It’s NOT my problem what she chooses to wear.

Incidentally, I only work with the adult LGBTI group and have referred her to the youth LGBTI group.

BUT again it is the attention seeking whilst wearing her best outfit, and hoping I will pay her attention. My guess is she is looking for a mother figure. I have even had a colleague joke perhaps she is looking for a ‘sugar-mumma’. NOT FUNNY!

My outgoing office manager joked and laughed that she will be able to attach herself to me instead of another student. My incoming manager, after telling her about said person, now looks at me as if to say “my GOD, I totally get what you mean!”… even she is scared of said person becoming attached to her.

I simply DO NOT like some of the stories limerent people tell themselves and others, more so when assuming what is going through their LOs mind.
Because I can guarantee you, if you thought being limerent was bad, trying being on the other side of the fence!

Edited title. I'm sure there are worse things. Cancer is one of them.
Last edited by Limfriend1 on Sat Oct 12, 2019 1:39 am, edited 1 time in total.

Limfriend1
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Joined: Mon Sep 12, 2016 10:12 am
United States of America

Re: Being an LO is the worst thing ever

Post by Limfriend1 » Fri Apr 07, 2017 5:32 am

Question: How would you handle the 17 year old?

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David
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Re: Being an LO is the worst thing ever

Post by David » Fri Apr 07, 2017 6:14 am

Tough one and I agree, people dont take this seriously enough. Likely it touches on things in their own shadow which they would rather push away than face and deal with.

I think the kindest thing to do is be hyper-boundaried, avoid contact, avoid conversation. Is there a way this client does not need to visit where you work? If she discloses that may make it a tad easier to enforce things. Brings to mind when i asked my therapist if a friend became limerent over her, how would she react? She said she would tell said friend that she is going NC so they can have the time and space to work on their stuff.
"Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate." - C.G. Jung

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Limfriend1
Posts: 1579
Joined: Mon Sep 12, 2016 10:12 am
United States of America

Re: Being an LO is the worst thing ever

Post by Limfriend1 » Fri Apr 07, 2017 7:44 am

David wrote:
Fri Apr 07, 2017 6:14 am
Tough one and I agree, people dont take this seriously enough. Likely it touches on things in their own shadow which they would rather push away than face and deal with.
Thanks David. I agree NC is the way to go. That is why I have told others in the office that I will be polite but not engage her. And no, there is no way I can stop her from hanging around my office as I work in a student support zone whereby it would go against our policies to ban a student unless physically violent - but in all honestly, where does limerence sit within policies in general? It doesn’t!

I have come across a student who wants to see a particular person (staff member) because they felt supported. When questioning this staff member I soon learnt that this student was limerent. So I told her that I would not suggest he see her, in fact I went out of my way to tell him that his only choice was to see a male support person. I have now brought this up with higher management as an issue with regards to staff safety. We have to protect ourselves against limerent students! (Like I was – how ironic!)

Physically I am not afraid of this 17 year old. Professionally I am! They could say anything and it is there word against mine.

Incidentally, she did disclose she was looking for a girlfriend. After which she started visiting all dressed up. So yes, hyper-boundaried.

Heart_Open
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Re: Being an LO is the worst thing ever

Post by Heart_Open » Fri Apr 07, 2017 1:12 pm

Limerentfriend wrote:
Fri Apr 07, 2017 5:24 am


I simply DO NOT like some of the stories limerent people tell themselves and others, more so when assuming what is going through their LOs mind.
But these stories are a part of limerence, and this is the place where so many of us are getting help by rrelating those stories. I appreciate it wouldn't be nice to be on the other side, particularly if it got scary. I get that. But we limerents are in a constant loop of analysing everything/remembering moments/ dreaming other moments etc etc You are assuming that those of us suffering from limerence can just switch off the thoughts, switch off the alternative realities in our heads - we simply can't do that. This forum is a place to share our stories, to help make sense of what is going on. To gain insights from others - such as yourself as you usually have something really useful to say but I do wonder if this last week or so another side of you has come out to play? Again, I appreciate you have had your own experience of being the LO and it was scary etc but please be mindful that that was your experience - the majority of us here are trying to find some sense of our experiences, in a helpful way, not by being told that they are being laughed at or that being a LO is the worst thing ever.

Limfriend1
Posts: 1579
Joined: Mon Sep 12, 2016 10:12 am
United States of America

Re: Being an LO is the worst thing ever

Post by Limfriend1 » Fri Apr 07, 2017 9:07 pm

Heart_Open wrote:
Fri Apr 07, 2017 1:12 pm

But these stories are a part of limerence, and this is the place where so many of us are getting help by rrelating those stories. I appreciate it wouldn't be nice to be on the other side, particularly if it got scary. I get that. But we limerents are in a constant loop of analysing everything/remembering moments/ dreaming other moments etc etc You are assuming that those of us suffering from limerence can just switch off the thoughts, switch off the alternative realities in our heads - we simply can't do that. This forum is a place to share our stories, to help make sense of what is going on. To gain insights from others - such as yourself as you usually have something really useful to say but I do wonder if this last week or so another side of you has come out to play? Again, I appreciate you have had your own experience of being the LO and it was scary etc but please be mindful that that was your experience - the majority of us here are trying to find some sense of our experiences, in a helpful way, not by being told that they are being laughed at or that being a LO is the worst thing ever.
I don't care what you have to say about it, try being an LO for a change and then come back to me with an answer.

Pudding
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Canada

Re: Being an LO is the worst thing ever

Post by Pudding » Fri Apr 07, 2017 9:19 pm

But maybe HO has been an LO. Maybe she was just unaware of it. It sounds like it's only because you were aware of it, LF, that you're speaking from where you are. I'm sure many people are LOs and don't know it. Why are you assuming that all our LOs know, that we are standing in front of them drooling with hearts in our eyes?
F 39
LO is M 37, my son’s former teacher
LC beyond my control ~x(
LE began in the fall of 2015

Limfriend1
Posts: 1579
Joined: Mon Sep 12, 2016 10:12 am
United States of America

Re: Being an LO is the worst thing ever

Post by Limfriend1 » Fri Apr 07, 2017 9:38 pm

I work with those 'stuck' in victim-mentality. I worked out a long time ago, there is nothing I can do but lend an empathetic ear to them, and for this reason alone, you find some become attached. I see many clients in one day and about two or three will attach themselves to me because I smile, or joke, or listen, or remind them of someone who actually gives a damn. And I do! I give a damn. I listen, I support, I encourage, I help them to look at their obstacles and find ways around them. I also challenge the system and advocate on behalf of my clients. I’m the pitbull who latches on to unfair practices and puts in formal complaints. I stand strong when it comes to advocating on behalf of clients. I look for inconsistencies in org policies. I keep staff honest. It’s my job to stand up for those who do not have the power to do so for whatever reason, and sometimes I use their own policies and legal obligations to highlight any wrongdoings.

See JD :o) I have to be a pitbull because sometimes I am fighting senior management, and I get to change org policies based on my reports. I'm hoping to introduce one that highlights limerence for staff safety.

I’ve highlighted to a couple of clients that I knew was more aware/awake that life really is about looking at where they want to be emotionally. I don’t touch on spirituality, but I do bring up hopes and goals and we work together at find ways to achieve them.

I love my job because it includes all the fluffy feel-good stuff as well as taking on the system.

I’ve also noticed those who get triggered easily are the ones less spiritually aware than they thought they were. I came to this conclusion after reading many spiritual books and they all had the same theme and that is to try NOT to be moved other what others have to say. That was a biggy for me, because that is what highlighted the very area I needed to work on, still have to work on.

But sometimes there are times when you have to be tough with clients, and that's the area I struggle with. When I have to face the limerent and try ever so gently let them down, knowing full well having been a limerent, that sometimes their bubble will NOT burst regardless of what you say.

So... I will do the LC (NC is out of the question as I can't ban them form work), and hope they either transfer their limerence onto another object (not idea but who am I to counsel them? I'm not even going to try) or their bubble bursts on their own.

At the end of the day, I am trying to get across that WE LIMERENT OBJECTS are just friggin HUMANS with tons of ugly flaws and guff. Just wait till the bubble bursts and then you will see.

Limfriend1
Posts: 1579
Joined: Mon Sep 12, 2016 10:12 am
United States of America

Re: Being an LO is the worst thing ever

Post by Limfriend1 » Fri Apr 07, 2017 9:41 pm

Pudding wrote:
Fri Apr 07, 2017 9:19 pm
But maybe HO has been an LO. Maybe she was just unaware of it. It sounds like it's only because you were aware of it, LF, that you're speaking from where you are. I'm sure many people are LOs and don't know it. Why are you assuming that all our LOs know, that we are standing in front of them drooling with hearts in our eyes?
I don't care what you have to say either.

Pudding
Posts: 738
Joined: Sat Oct 01, 2016 5:45 am
Canada

Re: Being an LO is the worst thing ever

Post by Pudding » Fri Apr 07, 2017 9:50 pm

Wow, okay. I'm not sure why there can't be a civil discussion about it? Throwing out "I don't care what you have to say" is pretty juvenile. So only certain people are allowed to reply to your posts and if you deem them worthy, you will respond? Got it :lol:
F 39
LO is M 37, my son’s former teacher
LC beyond my control ~x(
LE began in the fall of 2015

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