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Feelings Towards DH

Find support here if your partner is in limerence, having an affair or love addicted.
AMA210
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Feelings Towards DH

Post by AMA210 » Wed Mar 29, 2017 3:15 am

Ever since I disclosed my real feelings to LO on 2-22, my feelings for DH have dwindled. I don't know if this is normal or not. I don't understand how 25 years of love can be gone in a month, how is that even possible?

When will they return?
I am so sad.
This sucks.
Damn LO
LE was 22 months...LO catalyst for awakening, in which I chose divorce (after 27 years of marriage)
Very happy and content with my new beginning

marko
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Re: Feelings Towards DH

Post by marko » Wed Mar 29, 2017 4:57 am

I have no answers, but it is a good time to think,which of course you've done. Perhaps sort out who you are, be honest and be real, and real to reality and balance the two. I have about the same years, but my DW is very distant. I have giant steps just to get to zero. I also think when LE is crushing, try not to carry heavy thoughts until the weight subsides. Its hard to be available to both, so one will dwindle. This LE is surely the damnedest thing ever. Who could ever beleive the ride our minds have taken us on, try and grab the wheel a bit, it is there.

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David
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Re: Feelings Towards DH

Post by David » Wed Mar 29, 2017 5:28 am

Aquamarine21 wrote:
Wed Mar 29, 2017 3:15 am
Ever since I disclosed my real feelings to LO on 2-22, my feelings for DH have dwindled. I don't know if this is normal or not. I don't understand how 25 years of love can be gone in a month, how is that even possible?

When will they return?
I am so sad.
This sucks.
Damn LO
This seems to be part of limerence and the rewriting of history that seems almost universal to this condition. Likely something to do with the dopamine. My own experience was that it took a good 2 years for these feelings to even start returning :o . I think my progress may have been slowed by having ongoing contact with LO, even though this was LC. I think that was enough to keep feeding the fantasy - a few crumbs every few months is all it took =))

It helps if the SO works on all 4 of their PIES (Physical, Emotional, Intellectual and Spiritual aspects) to make himself more attractive to you.
"Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate." - C.G. Jung

For Relationship Coaching help see www.loverelations.co.uk
For Individual Coaching and Mentoring see www.drdavidperl.com

Limfriend1
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Re: Feelings Towards DH

Post by Limfriend1 » Wed Mar 29, 2017 6:35 am

Sometimes I wonder if it's a wakeup call to say 'wt heck am I still in partnership with SO for?'

Or it could be a wakeup call to work on our own PIES - if SO found me attractive before, why not now kind of questions.

It's not all about SO letting us down, it's about coupledom. Neither and both to blame.

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David
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Re: Feelings Towards DH

Post by David » Wed Mar 29, 2017 7:02 am

Limerentfriend wrote:
Wed Mar 29, 2017 6:35 am
It's not all about SO letting us down, it's about coupledom. Neither and both to blame.
yep - when we take back all our projections, relationships get a lot easier
"Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate." - C.G. Jung

For Relationship Coaching help see www.loverelations.co.uk
For Individual Coaching and Mentoring see www.drdavidperl.com

AMA210
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Re: Feelings Towards DH

Post by AMA210 » Tue May 02, 2017 8:36 pm

Lightbulb Moment: I wonder if obsession with LO after NC is initiated reflects the state of your LTR. I would think that if your SO is more loving, more attentive, more willing to work on the relationship, it would be easier to handle NC with LO. If the opposite is true, aka, nothing really changes, then the likelihood of remaining limerent for a longer time is high.

In my situation, I know that SO is angry, but any avoidance on his part makes me long for LO even more.
LE was 22 months...LO catalyst for awakening, in which I chose divorce (after 27 years of marriage)
Very happy and content with my new beginning

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LisaTranscending
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Re: Feelings Towards DH

Post by LisaTranscending » Wed May 03, 2017 2:24 am

Aquamarine21 wrote:
Tue May 02, 2017 8:36 pm
I would think that if your SO is more loving, more attentive, more willing to work on the relationship, it would be easier to handle NC with LO. If the opposite is true, aka, nothing really changes, then the likelihood of remaining limerent for a longer time is high.
certainly was true for me. and one step further, if SO was more loving, attentive, willing to work on relationship ...LE might never have even happened.

sydney0845
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Re: Feelings Towards DH

Post by sydney0845 » Wed May 03, 2017 7:00 am

If an SO is a barrier to a relationship with an LO, then might it be the brain sees disclosure to an SO as a step to the removal of that barrier. People's situations and feelings will vary, but in theory once you have told SO about LO, then that may be one step closer to making it easier to then leave SO for LO. If (part of) your brain is thinking it might be easier to leave after disclosure, it could follow that that may explain diminishing feelings for SO as those feelings may turn more to LO.

AMA210
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Location: Midwest
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Re: Feelings Towards DH

Post by AMA210 » Wed May 03, 2017 10:05 am

sydney0845 wrote:
Wed May 03, 2017 7:00 am
If an SO is a barrier to a relationship with an LO, then might it be the brain sees disclosure to an SO as a step to the removal of that barrier. People's situations and feelings will vary, but in theory once you have told SO about LO, then that may be one step closer to making it easier to then leave SO for LO. If (part of) your brain is thinking it might be easier to leave after disclosure, it could follow that that may explain diminishing feelings for SO as those feelings may turn more to LO.
This would be true with the exception of LO not reciprocating. Although LO cared, I knew that my feelings for him were much more intense, so leaving SO for LO was not an option. The amount of emotional energy that was poured into LO leaves nothing left for SO and that may be part of the reason why I began to believe that I didn't love SO anymore. My life has not been normal for the past year. Also, based on the sole fact that LO is married also and chose to play along makes him not trustworthy. If he is doing this to his wife of only 6 years, he would likely do the same to me.
LE was 22 months...LO catalyst for awakening, in which I chose divorce (after 27 years of marriage)
Very happy and content with my new beginning

sydney0845
Posts: 320
Joined: Mon Aug 15, 2016 4:27 pm

Re: Feelings Towards DH

Post by sydney0845 » Wed May 03, 2017 12:10 pm

It's probably possible that part of the brain doesn't care if there is reciprocation or not - it only knows that one potential barrier has been weakened.

I think for many there is little or no chance of reciprocation - doesn't stop us feeling and thinking the things we do.

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