You said it. I had to work thru mine to understand where I sit - polygamy or monogamy? Once I had my own understanding without societal discourse clouding my judgement, I could follow my heart.
I think its VITAL we separate ourselves from all the bla bla discourse to figure out who we are. Then and only then (imo) can we live in harmony with ourselves. Love ourselves even. No point being this or that way and living a lie. Once you know who you are, you can change your lifestyle to fit yourself to live as a complete person.
I liken it to being half out of your body. Imagine someone sleeping and you can see half of them floating above their physical body while the lower half is attached. It's like our 'real self' is out there somewhere but not fully attached to our body because we are living a life that our real self is not comfortable with. Once we do (live a life we are comfortable with), the authentic self realigns.