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Therapy funny

Find support here if your partner is in limerence, having an affair or love addicted.
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marko
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Therapy funny

Post by marko » Thu Mar 29, 2018 6:35 pm

Wife was describing escaping as part of her attraction to me so I ran with my same attraction to her. I didn't call it LE, but I said it sounds like we were both running from self when we met. Therapist says, "Did you see what you did there?"--meaning that we shared something. I said "Yah, we admitted that we married each other for the wrong reason and don't belong together". He quickly said no, you communicated. Oops

Windy1
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Re: Therapy funny

Post by Windy1 » Fri Mar 30, 2018 2:02 am

What were you REALLY trying to say Marko?!;-)
M-46-married
LO- married 47,work colleagues

L-F
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Re: Therapy funny

Post by L-F » Mon Apr 02, 2018 8:07 pm

I'm not sure what marriage therapy is for? To fix things and live happily ever after, or to find out why couples shouldn't be together. :-?
Just breathe...

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David
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Re: Therapy funny

Post by David » Mon Apr 02, 2018 8:30 pm

L-F wrote:
Mon Apr 02, 2018 8:07 pm
I'm not sure what marriage therapy is for? To fix things and live happily ever after, or to find out why couples shouldn't be together. :-?
To get both partners into their own individual therapy - that way both halves start to learn what they bring to the relationship and then they can decide the best way forward.
"Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate." - C.G. Jung

For Professional Coaching / Therapy see http://loverelations.co.uk/limerence

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L-F
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Re: Therapy funny

Post by L-F » Mon Apr 02, 2018 8:59 pm

You have to ask what the intention is in the first place though. Going by markos disclosure it wasn't to 'mend' things, though it was funny.
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Re: Therapy funny

Post by David » Mon Apr 02, 2018 9:07 pm

L-F wrote:
Mon Apr 02, 2018 8:59 pm
You have to ask what the intention is in the first place though. Going by markos disclosure it wasn't to 'mend' things, though it was funny.
my error, i thought it was a generic question
"Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate." - C.G. Jung

For Professional Coaching / Therapy see http://loverelations.co.uk/limerence

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marko
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Re: Therapy funny

Post by marko » Tue Apr 03, 2018 7:44 pm

He was just trying to get to basic conversation. From a basic communication perspective it is very good. He doesn't allow one to go too far and derail that. Each of our statements could go down a destructive rabbit hole and he puts the brakes on by stopping and asking the other to think or respond. I like how he works in the delicate things. I dont know techniques, but uncovering why we do vs. what we do makes sense to me. I pretty much get everything about me that makes me a bad spouse. He has been helping the communication of relaying that to my wife who gets nothing. Understanding self and moving to empathy for others is key. So having my wife better understanding that I have some issues, helps her communicate with me, and allows me to communicate better knowing that her judgment of me is more accurate. That uneducated "I hate the other" manifests in so many little things that disallow one to get to the real ultimate questions and provide direction. I just go straight to it.
We both escaped unhealthy selfs through "relationship" and found out, just like in LE, that outside doesn't heal inside. From that spawns every let down and much self serving behavior, as the other shouldn't fill a role they can't. You can talk until your blue in the face about toilet lids and all the other symptoms, or really dig deep and ask "what do I bring to the table, and does it foster a relationship?"

She feels and has resentment that what we did robbed her of those fun discovery years. OK, I agree, but until she gets past that nothing matters. More to the point, what about self lead to bad decisions--ownership vs. blame and deciding to move past--or not--this I can't control . For me I resent I made those bad choices, especially now that I see I did it only for my self preservation--not out of love. At the time, infatuation/and or L makes it "feel" fine. LE makes everything fine. You go all those years with a strange something isn't right and it must be the other :D

What the trip through here uncovered is how I tried to escape all that. I don't reveal this as the LO has nothing to do with it. LE is just a symptom of why lies beneath. Now putting back together nothing seems like a tall task.

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Re: Therapy funny

Post by L-F » Tue Apr 03, 2018 8:52 pm

marko wrote:
Tue Apr 03, 2018 7:44 pm
He was just trying to get to basic conversation. From a basic communication perspective it is very good. He doesn't allow one to go too far and derail that. Each of our statements could go down a destructive rabbit hole and he puts the brakes on by stopping and asking the other to think or respond. I like how he works in the delicate things. I dont know techniques, but uncovering why we do vs. what we do makes sense to me. I pretty much get everything about me that makes me a bad spouse. He has been helping the communication of relaying that to my wife who gets nothing. Understanding self and moving to empathy for others is key. So having my wife better understanding that I have some issues, helps her communicate with me, and allows me to communicate better knowing that her judgment of me is more accurate. That uneducated "I hate the other" manifests in so many little things that disallow one to get to the real ultimate questions and provide direction. I just go straight to it.
We both escaped unhealthy selfs through "relationship" and found out, just like in LE, that outside doesn't heal inside. From that spawns every let down and much self serving behavior, as the other shouldn't fill a role they can't. You can talk until your blue in the face about toilet lids and all the other symptoms, or really dig deep and ask "what do I bring to the table, and does it foster a relationship?"

She feels and has resentment that what we did robbed her of those fun discovery years. OK, I agree, but until she gets past that nothing matters. More to the point, what about self lead to bad decisions--ownership vs. blame and deciding to move past--or not--this I can't control . For me I resent I made those bad choices, especially now that I see I did it only for my self preservation--not out of love. At the time, infatuation/and or L makes it "feel" fine. LE makes everything fine. You go all those years with a strange something isn't right and it must be the other :D

What the trip through here uncovered is how I tried to escape all that. I don't reveal this as the LO has nothing to do with it. LE is just a symptom of why lies beneath. Now putting back together nothing seems like a tall task.
can I get an AMEN bra! Awesome progress Marko and huge insight into the how's and why's. Once things have been worked thru I guess you are both left exposed and wondering where to from here?

Where ever where to is, I hope it's a place of understanding. Which I'm sure it will be.

Sounds like where you are is the be place to be for now. Good to read your update. It will help others I'm sure. Especially those querying their own how's and why's. As in "how did I get here???..."

And you may find yourself 
Living in a shotgun shack
And you may find yourself 
In another part of the world
And you may find yourself 
Behind the wheel of a large automobile
And you may find yourself in a beautiful house
With a beautiful wife
And you may ask yourself, well
How did I get here?

Just breathe...

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Re: Therapy funny

Post by AMA210 » Wed Apr 04, 2018 12:14 am

Nice add--I listen to this song quite a lot. :D
52 years old, married for 27 years
LE was 22 months

"Always moving forward"

marko
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Re: Therapy funny

Post by marko » Wed Apr 04, 2018 6:42 pm

It leaves me in a strange world as I based my entire life in this paradigm. There is a new hire, quite like the LO, but at the same time not. I dare not look at her and find myself feeling awkward in that. I also lament a bit how well I did get along with the LO and how we clicked so well.
Weather cancelled therapy and my real goal in therapy was the hope my wife could find a way to her kids. As life progressed we didn't have much money and she worked a bad job. I became super dad and she had little energy for the kids and their bonding has been poor. Her inability to connect and build relationships piled into an entitlement mentality with my escape fantasy non intimate child man has led to quite a pile. Me avoidant, and her resentful, equally child like.

If anything as well, I work in a field full of disfunction with those lost in it. I certainly have far more empathy and a better understanding of how to pull out more than just the obvious.

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