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Happy about choosing a new (and male) therapist

Talk therapy can help but at times less cognitive treatments are required. Anything related to ANY form of therapy goes here.
Havb
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Happy about choosing a new (and male) therapist

Post by Havb » Fri Jun 08, 2018 7:19 pm

So recently I ended my relationship with a female therapist I had had for several years.

The thought of trying a male therapist for the first time had been percolating for a little while. One night, i actually had a lucid (and sort of hilarious) dream about it, and a week later I decided to go for it.

I believe that something about receiving support and validation (of my feelings) from a man with whom I have a non sexualized relationship is truly meaningful on a deep level. So far I’ve mostly talked about my trauma experience and my relationship with my parents surrounding the same, but I’m sure at some point limerence will be a topic.

Just wanted to share, FWIW in case it’s helpful to anyone.
“Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better.” -Samuel Beckett

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David
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Re: Happy about choosing a new (and male) therapist

Post by David » Fri Jun 08, 2018 7:24 pm

Interesting given the post I just made about men finding a male friendly therapist that has not been corrupted by the gynocentric nature of therapy and mental healthy in general. It will be equally applicable to a woman seeking a male therapist that wants to experience balanced masculinity, both alpha and beta traits. Most male therapists are firmly in the beta camp. Finding a red pilled therapist may be challenging.
"Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate." - C.G. Jung

For Professional Coaching / Therapy see http://loverelations.co.uk/limerence

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Havb
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Re: Happy about choosing a new (and male) therapist

Post by Havb » Fri Jun 08, 2018 7:30 pm

What’s a red pilled therapist? Do you mean an alpha male? More importantly, Why would I want one if I am focused on sexual trauma issues? (Read: I wouldn’t)

I hasten to add that mine seems balanced In that he is solutions-driven and is a depth psychologist— he’s not just saying “aw, that must be hard.” I find him to be definitely “male” in his vibe.

I totally followed my intuition in picking him over the options I had and I believe I made a strong choice.
“Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better.” -Samuel Beckett

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David
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Re: Happy about choosing a new (and male) therapist

Post by David » Sat Jun 09, 2018 6:39 am

Havb wrote:
Fri Jun 08, 2018 7:30 pm
I find him to be definitely “male” in his vibe.

I totally followed my intuition in picking him over the options I had and I believe I made a strong choice.
Sounds like you've made a good choice. A thought provoking question may be to ask, what can women learn from men?
What’s a red pilled therapist?
One that does not believe in the patriarchy as being the root of all women's oppression. As I type im listening to this video on this issue

"Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate." - C.G. Jung

For Professional Coaching / Therapy see http://loverelations.co.uk/limerence

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L-F
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Re: Happy about choosing a new (and male) therapist

Post by L-F » Sat Jun 09, 2018 6:59 am

David wrote:
Sat Jun 09, 2018 6:39 am
One that does not believe in the patriarchy as being the root of all women's oppression.
:-o


David wrote:
Fri Jun 08, 2018 7:24 pm
It will be equally applicable to a woman seeking a male therapist that wants to experience balanced masculinity, both alpha and beta traits. Most male therapists are firmly in the beta camp.
:((
LO had the perfect balance of masculinity and femininity. That's what attracted me.
When you are external facing,
how do you expect to do the inner work? :-??

Havb
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Re: Happy about choosing a new (and male) therapist

Post by Havb » Sat Jun 09, 2018 2:39 pm

David wrote:
Sat Jun 09, 2018 6:39 am
A thought provoking question may be to ask, what can women learn from men?
Well—if I hadn’t wanted to know the answer to this question, I wouldn’t have chosen a male therapist....

Re: patriarchy, We women frequently create our own chains and learn to self oppress around a host of issues, of course. No time to watch the video at the moment— but what is the root of all women’s oppression according to the video? (Hope it’s narrated by a woman, incidentally)

Edited to add: ok I watched a bit of it. I think posting a video like this should come with a trigger warning. Are you trying to get some of us riled up? I understand you have legitimate anger towards women in your history—however it does feel somewhat inflammatory to post a video like this. You are in charge of this forum and therefore are in a better position to influence than We are. Is this the message you would like other men on the forum to assimilate and get behind?

Sure, most teachers are (white) women in k-12 education, but the “experts” at the university level are predominantly (white) males. Both white and male bias influence research—case in point is autism, which has recently been shown to be underdiagnosed in girls because autism manifests differently In girls. And the very evaluation tools being used are laden with gender bias (eg is your child obsessed with trains, air conditioners, etc). I just experienced this recently and I silenced myself from bringing it up to the evaluator.,

We’re all welcome to post whatever we want to, I suppose, but the fact that you are the admin on this forum (and a counseling professional) somehow feels more ... uncomfortable and a bit confrontational.
Last edited by Havb on Sun Jun 10, 2018 3:01 am, edited 1 time in total.
“Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better.” -Samuel Beckett

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Re: Happy about choosing a new (and male) therapist

Post by L-F » Sat Jun 09, 2018 4:32 pm

Sorry, totally off topic...
Havb wrote:
Sat Jun 09, 2018 2:39 pm
Both white and male bias influence research
You are talking my language! This is where intersectionality is used as an analytical tool for discussing systemic oppression. The only way around this of course, is if we personally hunt assumptions. In other words, reflect upon observations of ourselves looking out. Raising critical consciousness comes to mind as a result of sharing narratives, but only when we step into that third space.

Again completely off topic (sorry to hijack this thread). I feel like a peanut butter sandwich.

Oh! And really pleased you have a me therapist. I hope it all goes well.
When you are external facing,
how do you expect to do the inner work? :-??

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Re: Happy about choosing a new (and male) therapist

Post by Idiotic » Sat Jun 09, 2018 8:57 pm

Just adding my two cents to the debate.



(P.S. Btw this is how i actually sing, like really )

Boy...youre gonna carry that weight, carry that weight, a long time - Golden Slumbers(The Beatles)

L-F
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Re: Happy about choosing a new (and male) therapist

Post by L-F » Sat Jun 09, 2018 10:40 pm

L-F wrote:
Sat Jun 09, 2018 4:32 pm
Oh! And really pleased you have a me therapist. I hope it all goes well.
I meant 'new' therapist! =))
It didn't help I posted in the middle of the night.

That's probably why my post didn't make much sense. My brain tends to think everyone knows what I'm talking about.

Neoliberalism and patriarchy are thorns in my side. These systems need to be abolished because they do no one any favours.

"I believe that something about receiving support and validation (of my feelings) from a man with whom I have a non sexualized relationship is truly meaningful on a deep level"

I'm intrigued as to how this relationship will go. Often therapists will use counter-transference as a way to support their client. In some cases the therapist lets the client use him as the love object to explore these feelings you are speaking of on a deeper level. I probably made that sound creepy. Of course the relationship remains completely professional. If I can find a good article on what I'm talking about I'll post it here, because like you said, a good therapist will help you to go deeper.
When you are external facing,
how do you expect to do the inner work? :-??

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Re: Happy about choosing a new (and male) therapist

Post by townshend » Sat Jun 09, 2018 11:10 pm

Havb wrote:
Sat Jun 09, 2018 2:39 pm
David wrote:
Sat Jun 09, 2018 6:39 am
A thought provoking question may be to ask, what can women learn from men?
Well—if I hadn’t wanted to know the answer to this question, I wouldn’t have chosen a male therapist....

Re: patriarchy, We women frequently create our own chains and learn to self oppress around a host of issues, of course. No time to watch the video at the moment— but what is the root of all women’s oppression according to the video? (Hope it’s narrated by a woman, incidentally)

Edited to add: ok I watched a bit of it. I think posting a video like this should come with a trigger warning. Are you trying to get some of us riled up? I understand you have legitimate anger towards women in your history—however it does feel somewhat inflammatory to post a video like this. You are in charge of this forum and therefore are a better position to influence than We are. Is this the message you would like other men on the forum to assimilate and get behind?

Sure, most teachers are (white) women in k-12 education, but the “experts” at the university level are predominantly (white) males. Both white and male bias influence research—case in point is autism, which has recently been shown to be underdiagnosed in girls because autism manifests differently In girls. And the very evaluation tools being used are laden with gender bias (eg is your child obsessed with trains, air conditioners, etc). I just experienced this recently and I silenced myself from bringing it up to the evaluator.,

We’re all welcome to post whatever we want to, I suppose, but the fact that you are the admin on this forum (and a counseling professional) somehow feels more ... uncomfortable and a bit confrontational.
I’m with you Havb.

The video is completely neglecting the idea, which is an aspect of feminisism, of toxic masculinity and that gender roles are socially constructed. As a whole and the vast majority of feminists do not say Boys are all these terrible things, girls are good. Feminism actually says society, which is in our time and culture patricharal, teaches people from infancy: boys are this way, girls are that way. Boys like this and girls like that. Boys have these rules, girls have those. And of course gender is determined by sex, so you have a penis and you like blue, trucks and sports, you don’t cry and you can play in the dirt, the more women you conquer the cooler you will be and “boys will be boys.” You’re born with a vagina and it’s pink, make up and barbies and when you grow up it’s watch out for boys - here’s how you act around them and Protect ourself from them while those very boys are being told boys will be boys.

It’s a toxic societal construction for everyone, boys and men included. However it clear to see who benefits more and more often. It’s clear to see who faces the more severe and quantifiable oppression from this through effects like lack of opportunity and exposure to violence.
No one is saying boys are the problem or born bad, no teachers I’ve ever known in my life has ever said so either. The problem is in a patriarchal society they are taught to behave badly and are positively reinforced for it. They should not be. It’s our fault. They deserve for us to teach them to be the best, fairest, most moral person they can be.

True feminist are concerned with gender equality, it’s the very essence of the term and idea. And part of that is acknowledging the effect of toxic masculinity on boys and men. However it’s pretty easy to recognize where the lines are and to weigh who has benefitted more from patriarchy and how so.

Whoever the narrator of that video is clearly has a set view, he’s ever so slightly distorting the facts to present his message. It’s highly indicative of that campaign of “not all men”. Well obviously not. No one ever suggested it was all men, but the fact is men are allowed to live at a different standard than women and even men that don’t engage in sexist behaivor or violence against women have obviously not done enough to police their own gender - their friends families and colleagues and men on the street.

Men and boys have problems to that need to be addressed as well. But not in a condescending manner that demeans the real oppression and struggles of others as well. Feminism is concerned with equality and it’s concerned with ending that social construct of gendering the sexes from birth that damages life for all involved.

When you lose privilege it begins to FEEL like oppression, but it isn’t.
No good has ever come from feeling guilty neither intelligence, policy, nor compassion. The guilty do not pay attention to the object but only to themselves and not even to their own interests, which might make sense, but to their anxieties. -Paul Goodman

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