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New Therapist

Talk therapy can help but at times less cognitive treatments are required. Anything related to ANY form of therapy goes here.
AMA210
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Re: New Therapist

Post by AMA210 » Tue Oct 03, 2017 11:50 pm

David wrote:
Tue Oct 03, 2017 11:33 pm
AMA210 wrote:
Tue Oct 03, 2017 9:58 pm
I didn't get much back from him.
Is that really true AMA? Did he not act as a mirror for your own narcissism? Did he not awaken your soul to start looking at yourself?
Yes, the mirror, we are one in the same (ouch)
Yes, absolutely
I should restate by saying he didn't give me what I wanted.
I add that he doesn't appear to be "aware" yet, based on his actions.
52 years old, married for 27 years
LE was 22 months

"Always moving forward"

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David
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Re: New Therapist

Post by David » Wed Oct 04, 2017 12:54 am

How does it matter to you if he is aware or not?
"Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate." - C.G. Jung

For Professional Coaching / Therapy see http://loverelations.co.uk/limerence

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AMA210
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Re: New Therapist

Post by AMA210 » Wed Oct 04, 2017 3:40 am

It doesn't. I want him to be. I want to rescue him, "enable" him.
But, I know that this won't help him. :)
52 years old, married for 27 years
LE was 22 months

"Always moving forward"

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David
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Re: New Therapist

Post by David » Wed Oct 04, 2017 4:17 am

I used the think the same about my own LO - that she was not very conscious and it was my job to rescue her. The reality was i had no idea how conscious/unconscious she was as i never got to know who she really was. She was just all projection on my part.
"Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate." - C.G. Jung

For Professional Coaching / Therapy see http://loverelations.co.uk/limerence

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Re: New Therapist

Post by L-F » Tue Oct 17, 2017 10:48 am

AMA210 wrote:
Wed Jul 26, 2017 1:39 pm
I agree with David that this forum, in itself, can be addicting, but if we are more aware of this, then we can decide if we want to post or not or take a break from it.
I struggled with the word 'addiction' for a long time. Then I stumbled across info which was a turning point "it's an addiction if it interferes with the normal functioning of your life".

Was I an addict? Could I be an addict? Am I an addict? I used to think that about my drinking and have been in many robust discussions over announcing I thought I was an alcoholic. Even went to an AA meeting. Never going back to those judgementalists!... even if I was/am one.

The issue is the description of what it means to be an addict. When something interferes with the way you normally function. So... am I an alcoholic? The jury is still out on that one. Technically no. Not according to the text books.

Which leads me back to the word addiction. I think we use this word in various ways yet the reality is, the person cannot function without whatever it is they are addicted to. Which makes me question if limerence is an addiction due to the fact many limerents do function without LO.
When you are external facing,
how do you expect to do the inner work? :-??

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Re: New Therapist

Post by AMA210 » Tue Oct 17, 2017 12:59 pm

@L-F: "Which leads me back to the word addiction. I think we use this word in various ways yet the reality is, the person cannot function without whatever it is they are addicted to. Which makes me question if limerence is an addiction due to the fact many limerents do fun."

IMO, it would vary with the degree of the addiction. I will use gambling. My DH gambles and has been for a long time. When he steps into that world, his problems disappear and his goal is to win the largest jackpot possible. He has a hard time leaving. Is he addicted? Yes. But it doesn't take over his life. If it did, he would be there all of the time and we would be homeless. He can keep it at a level that is manageable. If it wasn't an addiction, he would stop right now and never go back.

Limerence has so many facets. For some people, it takes over their life, like yours truly. For others, it may be not as encompassing. Maybe it depends on the person and their FOO.

I think when we become addicted to something, we have to make a conscious decision to stop, knowing that the possibility exists for it to be triggered again.
52 years old, married for 27 years
LE was 22 months

"Always moving forward"

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Re: New Therapist

Post by JupiterTaco » Tue Oct 17, 2017 2:42 pm

I agree, addiction isn't always all-encompassing, otherwise I guess nobody would have lives, jobs, etc. outside of their addictions. My mother has always been a high-functioning alcoholic, although the twist to this story is that, most of it was an illusion. Most of what was held over my and my brother's heads as FOG, was an illusion. Everything we had, we had because of our grandparents. I have no idea what would've happened if Grandpa had said early on, let her live with her own issues, let her live in crappy apartments and deal with all of her own problems.
"God grant me the serenity, to just remember who I am"-Games People Play by Joe South

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Re: New Therapist

Post by L-F » Tue Oct 17, 2017 7:12 pm

I don't know. See this is where there is more depth to the word.
As for drinking I'll give an example:
- can I stop at one glass - no
- do I need alcohol - no
- have I experienced a blackout - no
- can I live with alcohol in the house and not drink it - yes (so long as it's not wine) although I'm getting better at that, but most definitely cannot leave an open bottle in the fridge (just seems wrong!) =))
- do I drink myself to the point of passing out - no
- do I drink most days of the week - no
- do I see my drinking as a problem - yes
- has it become a habit - yes e.g. always take wine to a bbq unless I'm driving, or have wine Fri & Sat nights.

See... not so black and white. I've even had people say that by claiming to be one I'm making a mockery out of those who are alcoholics. Am I one because I want to stop my habit (but don't want to look for an alternative way to relax), or am I not one because I can go without it if I choose to? Maybe it's not an addiction, maybe it's a hobby?

Going back to limerence. As much as LO takes over our mind, we can still function knowing limerence is an illness. The awareness part is what gets me. Like I mentioned, the word 'addiction' is interesting. I'm not entirely sure it is LO we are addicted to. Like alcohol... perhaps its relaxation / avoidance we are addicted to. So then if that's the case. Why am I not addicted to yoga? Can you see where I'm going with this?

LO is just the vehicle that drives addiction. In which case they are not 'special' cos lets face it, we can replace the vehicle. A fascinating topic for sure :)
When you are external facing,
how do you expect to do the inner work? :-??

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David
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Re: New Therapist

Post by David » Tue Oct 31, 2017 8:00 am

For me, the question is what am I using my addiction to mask? What hole am i trying to fill within me?

Addictions are just ways of avoiding psychic pain. As a therapist, i'm not too interested in what the person is addicted to, its the why are they doing it?

Deal with the origins of our pain and we have a hope of no longer reaching for our potion of choice.

And I've yet to meet an addict that received lots of unconditional love growing up. It was either not enough, too much or the wrong type of love.

That said, i believe the hole in our soul always remains, we just became more self aware and learn healthier ways to deal with our existential angst and a greater capacity to sit with difficult feelings.

And I respect, most people would rather stay unconscious and live lives that involve numbing out. This is not helped by our Western culture that enables and promotes such behaviours.
"Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate." - C.G. Jung

For Professional Coaching / Therapy see http://loverelations.co.uk/limerence

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Re: New Therapist

Post by Spinnaker » Tue Oct 31, 2017 5:13 pm

:-$
Last edited by Spinnaker on Sat Nov 18, 2017 5:57 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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