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New Therapist

Talk therapy can help but at times less cognitive treatments are required. Anything related to ANY form of therapy goes here.
AMA210
Posts: 1893
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2016 2:17 pm
Location: Midwest
United States of America

Re: New Therapist

Post by AMA210 » Thu Nov 02, 2017 9:15 pm

Today at 7 months of IT. Has it helped? Yes. Am I less obsessed/limerent than when I began? Yes. Am I still addicted? Yes

So, she thinks I have several narc tendencies, but not full blown narc, due to my compassionate nature.

Given my long list of obsessions, beginning at age 5, this is how I cope. LO is the most intense one and will most likely be the last.

As I was talking about LO, she said "I can feel your energy increasing and your voice is getting more excited and you are starting to blush." If I didn't stop you, you would have been very absorbed in your obsession. Every time I talk about LO to someone else, my face gets hot and I do get physically excited. He is he only one who activates such intense emotion in me. Damn LO.

She said I have an adrenaline junkie addiction -- thrill seeker, etc, not just with LO but with driving fast. I knew this already. Sometimes, in an effort to get to the "high" level I was at with LO, I combine fast driving and seeing LO to get that rush. But this is a weak attempt to duplicate it. She mentioned meds as a last resort to help with the obsessive thinking, impulsivity and thrill seeking behavior. Also, that I remind her of a 14 year old infatuated with this boy. I am, yes. I skipped that part of adolescence entirely because I went to an all girls high school. My first actual boy experience was at age 17. My emotional intelligence is stuck there and I am willing to bet that LO is also, given he had some trauma around that age. She also told me that I use the law of attraction without realizing it.

One in ten people is addicted to something. I just happen to have several going on at the same time, and they are interchangeable.

Sometimes I think that this will just have to be my life. I will continue the heavy lifting, but LO will always be a fixture in my life. There is something so damn familiar about his face and I don't know what it is. It's especially apparent from a side view. It's the weirdest damn thing. It's kind of like a Deja vu.
52 years old, married for 27 years
LE was 22 months

"Always moving forward"

AMA210
Posts: 1893
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2016 2:17 pm
Location: Midwest
United States of America

Re: New Therapist

Post by AMA210 » Sat Nov 04, 2017 11:52 am

In thinking about this last session, I am a bit discouraged and frustrated. This is the second time that she told me she would send me various links to the material we discussed. She must forget to send it, which is ridiculous. So, I will remind her and then I still don't get anything and so I wait until the next appointment and then she is not sure what it was. :|

She doesn't understand the limerence, even though I gave her printed info very early. A teenage infatuation. She wants the impulsiveness of driving by to end, even though I have made lots of progress in this regard. She asked me to write down my feelings when I am tempted to drive by, which I will do.

Now that I am moving the focus from LO to me, I will take in the timeline that I finished. She deals with a wide range of clients, from infidelity/affairs to eating disorders. Is limerence comparable to bulimia or anorexia?

She will be trying the Emotional Freedom Technique (tapping) in the next several sessions. I am reading info on that now. Even though I value her opinion, it surprised me that she hasn't even heard of anima/animus theory or related items. I have decided that I will continue to do what I think is right for me, which includes continuing in the Jeff Brown writing courses.

I imagine that completely letting go of LO would be much easier if he wasn't so accessible, as in 4 blocks away. Before limerence, he didn't work at the school and I had no idea where he was on a daily basis and it didn't matter. Even if we moved away, I would still do the personal work and NC would be absolute.
52 years old, married for 27 years
LE was 22 months

"Always moving forward"

Anna
Posts: 301
Joined: Wed Jan 25, 2017 11:15 pm
Canada

Re: New Therapist

Post by Anna » Sat Nov 04, 2017 1:07 pm

AMA210 wrote:
Thu Nov 02, 2017 9:15 pm
. Also, that I remind her of a 14 year old infatuated with this boy. I am, yes. I skipped that part of adolescence entirely because I went to an all girls high school. My first actual boy experience was at age 17. My emotional intelligence is stuck there and I am willing to bet that LO is also, given he had some trauma around that age. She also told me that I use the law of attraction without realizing it.

One in ten people is addicted to something. I just happen to have several going on at the same time, and they are interchangeable.
Interesting! Same here, all girls school, had no brother nor male cousin, a dominating mother and aunt, went to girl scouts etc, girls gymnastics group, and I was kind of scared of boys / insecure around them until I was 17 and then I had a feeling of having to make up for lost time and on the outside I did with many different "partners / relationships" , but apparently I also never grew up emotionally .. Thanks for mentioning it... I am exploring that time of my life too to find clues to my traumata.

question> Do you really think it's really only 10% of the population that are addicted to something? where did you get that number? To me it seems it's more 70% if you consider alcohol, cigarettes, drugs, love, limerence, cell phones etc... maybe even 90%??

AMA210
Posts: 1893
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2016 2:17 pm
Location: Midwest
United States of America

Re: New Therapist

Post by AMA210 » Wed Nov 15, 2017 10:10 pm

A little discouraged today. She said I am still obsessed and doesn't believe I ended it with LO. Compared to an eating disorder. Stopping, starting.....I keep saying its limerence, which is love obsession yes, but goes back to childhood wounds and that LO is showing us ourselves. She still thinks it's obsession 101, infatuation. LO is just another person in the world and you created the fantasy in your mind.

She also thinks I may have a chemical imbalance that might be fixed with medication. My need for an adrenaline rush from LO or driving is the cause of my obsessions. Well, I already take enough meds and I'm not gonna give up my driving edge to be normal like everyone else. [-(

Is obsession and limerence treated differently?

I don't want to point the finger at LO here, but c'mon really? He couldn't have taken one time out of hundreds of drive by's to say to me -- look, you are making me uncomfortable, so please stop. He turned away from me in spring, but not in fall. He knew I was obsessed with him and yet he stood there, looking cool, encouraging me. Not one boundary from him ever. I was not in a position to leave because of the limerence.

He knew his wife told me not to talk to him. He never repeated that to me. Not one time. If she knew I was still doing that, would she have told me again? Did she tell him not to talk to me?

I would think that a normal person would get to a point of ok, this is enough, and ok, I can help her out by staying a away. Nope.
Kind of makes it look like I'm the chaser and he is the runner. Yeah, it's my fault for chasing him, but instead of running, he should have had a big enough pair to tell me to stop. His lack of this fueled the limerence.

So, now I have to write down when the thought comes in to drive by, do deep breathing, body scan, and repeat it until the thought is gone and prevent it from becoming an action.

She is concerned that I will find another obsession to replace LO.

Ugh, just venting here.
52 years old, married for 27 years
LE was 22 months

"Always moving forward"

AMA210
Posts: 1893
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2016 2:17 pm
Location: Midwest
United States of America

Re: New Therapist

Post by AMA210 » Thu Jan 04, 2018 4:12 pm

My therapist thinks that that the cords and threads with LO are still intact, thus being "enmeshed". I mentioned that LO is in my dreams twice a week and that he has shown up in my guided meditations twice. She has suggested Reiki and energy clearing meditations, as well as hypnotism, to aid in letting him go completely.

I was a bit frustrated yesterday, as I have done anything and everything to overcome this. I am finally at the point where it's better for me to avoid the streets by the school and I affirm this daily, by actively choosing an alternate route before leaving the house. It has taken one year to get to where I am now. I no longer feel compelled to go to him and although the obsession has waned a lot, I feel that the addiction remains.

The meditations provide me with a feeling of calm, peace and no anxiety and if I do a visualization, I am able to transport myself to that place and I have a sensation that my body is lighter. This is scary to me and I think that my unconscious mind is stronger than I realized.

I will be doing an intention board for 2018, which I have never done before. My therapist asked me to add what I want to manifest this year also and I am unsure what that means. All of these words and ideas are new to me and I find myself confused once again.
52 years old, married for 27 years
LE was 22 months

"Always moving forward"

mamasita
Posts: 585
Joined: Wed Oct 11, 2017 10:27 pm
Location: USA
Gender:
United States of America

Re: New Therapist

Post by mamasita » Thu Jan 04, 2018 4:40 pm

Stick with it, AMA! You are doing a great job. It is such a long process, healing ourselves. A few months ago, I thought I could get some reading in, see my T a time or two and keep it moving. Now I realize how there seems to be one step forward and three steps back. The knowledge of what is going on DOES help so I'm not where I was, but I'm no where near where I want to be either. We are here! Keep hashing it out!

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