Kenny Suttner Suicide-My New Obsession

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JupiterTaco
Posts: 764
Joined: Sun Jun 28, 2015 6:12 pm

Kenny Suttner Suicide-My New Obsession

Post by JupiterTaco » Sun Mar 19, 2017 6:16 pm

Hi all, sorry it’s been awhile since I’ve been back but I’ve been unfortunately indulging in another obsession. So I’ve talked ad nauseam on here about my past limerent experiences and my family issues, so I won’t go into that except that for this topic, the bullying I’ve experienced in my life goes hand in hand here. I may have mentioned in the past that I’ve had a lot of issues with workplace bullying (and school bullying) in my life. I’ve left more than a few jobs at this point trying to find a place to work where I can peacefully make a living and (hopefully) still have a life outside of work.

I want to stress that I didn’t expect that moving would solve these problems. I thought it would give me distance from my family and put me closer to my interests. I was forced to leave my last job after a much-younger manager bullied me for months. She brought a new employee into it and at one point I felt physically threatened by this new woman and realized I couldn’t go back.

My work has been leaving me messages saying they’ve made changes, that this girl is no longer running shifts but I’m not going back. It’s too little too late as far as I’m concerned. She loves to stir up negative energy wherever she can and actively sabotages our work when we’re there alone for twelve flipping hours on Sundays. It’s probably because she’s so much younger than me that for the longest time I could look at her and see her for the damaged little girl that she is, that I had an easier time not letting her crap get to me. Or maybe because she’s female, I don’t know. It still slipped from time to time, she’s quite cunning at her “work”.

For awhile I tried to give her the benefit of the doubt as we were always short-staffed on Sundays and she seemed as annoyed about it as I was, and that she had complained nonstop to get more help and was not getting it. Two weeks before I quit, I found out that she’d never said anything of the sort. And that she was short-staffed on Sundays because nobody wanted to work with her. So the way that our Sundays have been going is that from five p.m. to four a.m. I was forced to make orders as well as deliver because she refused to do anything. It also wasn’t unusual for me to be there two extra hours after we closed to do the work of four fucking people cleaning up.

Two weeks ago when one of our Sunday customers who tips well complained to me yet again that his food was late and he was going to stop ordering from us, I lost it. Sunday was my biggest money day and our customers were good people who definitely don’t deserve the way they’ve been treated. I was going to leave then but a manager I liked asked me, if I didn’t have to work with her, would I stay and I agreed to.
Lo and behold she was still working on Sundays. The first Sunday another manager was there with her. This last Sunday she was alone again with the other employee and the manager who was supposed to be helping her. This woman took all of my orders and left me alone with the problem manager while her and the new employee had it out on me.

I’ll spare you the details but after it was over they claimed to have called the owner KT and that he’d fired me over the phone and I left, without the tip money I’d made. The place has wanted me to come back to work but it’s not enough for me that she and the new girl weren’t fired over this. So that’s the latest in my life.

Anyway I moved out here in November, and something a little over a month later happened that I didn’t realize until about a little over a month ago, but has completely just changed my life. I posted a topic about this in general chat awhile back the first time I read it, but I’ll post in more detail this time. Here in my new state, a little over two hours away from me, a teenager killed himself right before Christmas after years of severe bullying, the worst of which was apparently dished out by a manager at his fast food job. In this state, an inquest can be called to look into the death/suicide of someone if it merits and this is what happened in this case. It was found that the several suicide notes this kid wrote were the smoking gun against his former manager, an adult woman who harassed and abused him so severely on a daily basis that this big 17-year old kid would run out of work upset. Every single day.

I never read the news, ok? I mostly have trouble loading the news sites on my computer and my TV still isn’t hooked up or I’d mostly never use it, so I gave up trying to read news a long time ago and one day it just occurred to me to read the news. I went on not expecting the website to work and it did. I was reading an article and suddenly saw the article in the corner about Kenny Suttner that was written that same day saying his manager was being charged with involuntary manslaughter.

I have to say, I was beyond devastated the first time I read it. It seriously felt like I’d lost someone I loved when I read about him. In ten minutes of reading this article, this kid affected my life more intensely than my former LO could ever dream of. Seriously, if my former LO was a fire ant constantly picking at my inner wounds and laughing, this kid, or more what happened to him, was the turkey carver that just sliced every single one of them completely open.

When I look at him, I see me. And when I look at the woman who bullied him (the only one we know about, there were many more), I see everyone who has ever tormented me in my life and the rage I feel is just unparallel to anything I’ve experienced in awhile. I mean this is intense for me. And I thought former LO was here to teach me a lesson??? Whoa boy!

While everyone else in the world is talking about how unfair it is that the law is going solely after this “poor, low-wage woman”, all I can think is “off with her head” and I want to chop it myself. And everyone else who ever hurt him. The thought that this poor kid sat out in the cold all night making calls and texts to people, hoping someone would save him from what he was about to do; that he walked around work so many times making shooting gestures toward himself; that this kid ran out of work so upset every single day and nobody ever stood up for him; that the school superintendent called the inquest that was called for him “a crock of shit”; that the despair in his eyes is so completely obvious to me and it wasn’t apparently to anybody else; it all just kills me.

I’m so obsessed with this case that I was already dreaming about it and him after two weeks! (Hope I’m not stalking him in the dream world or something). Also now I know what it must feel like to have a completely inappropriate LO, I really hope that never happens to me, my hat’s off to those of you who do. He probably could’ve been my new LO if I’d ever met him.

Because I’ve shared so much on here, I want to lay low about my potential plans inspired by this case, but I want to start getting involved in changing things in my community so that me and people like me will have more of a chance to make a living without it constantly being threatened by people like this.

Before this happened, I had the simmering anger at a few former bosses and tried desperately not to think about it but it’s always been there. Even though I’d thought for a couple of years about moving to where I live, I feel that I was kind of forced into it before I was ready since I was unable to keep a job in my former state because of issues like this. My mother has health issues which I’ve also talked about so it would’ve made sense to stay near her for the time-being.

I’d talked for years about moving somewhere and looked at a lot of places to go, and it just so happens that when I started looking at this state, everything magically fell into place, I was unemployed at precisely the right time, my lease was up and I had the money to move, then I had a new job. The apartment thing was the hardest part and still wasn’t very hard to handle but anyway. To say that I think more than ever that I am meant to be here is a vast understatement.

I also have reason to believe that the vision I had in my head as a child, that I thought was my former LO, might’ve actually been this kid all along. Too bad I couldn’t have been psychic and stopped him! I mean he sat outside on a log in the middle of winter long enough for ice to form around him! He was waiting for someone to stop him!

Someone, my great-aunt, once showed me that life doesn’t have to be the way my life has been and I’ll always thank her. I sorely wish someone had done that for this kid. Nobody could promise that his life was going to change, I know mine hasn’t really, but it’s very liberating to have the power to walk away from unhealthy situations and know that it’s not the end of the world, and the rush of confidence it gives you. I only wish that for once I could settle in and start living. And I know that certain people in my family blame me. They think I don’t try hard enough to appease other people.

But I do. I’m tired of being the one who loses out on wages, jobs, schedule changes so some asshole can keep their own job. Some asshole who goes out of their way to dominate, control and abuse me. Cross my boundaries. Nobody should be abused at work!
I don’t know, but I do think I’m here for a reason. And all I wanted to do was work with stray dogs when I came out here! I didn’t want to try to change anything about this place. I thought about it off and on in my old state but I just never did anything about it. I kept trying to focus on my own life.

It astounds me how many people just go through life thinking they can treat others in this way. And the many more who seem to think it’s normal, that the rest of us just need to accept it. Or that we do something to invite it.

That’s what I guess my biggest fear is should I ever find my voice and lose my timidity and go for it. Well that and ever being forced to rehash my past experiences in public, I don’t want to do that. Not to mention I’ve always had terrible unbelievable luck with people. I don’t see how I could possibly sway people to my side. Especially when so many of them condone bullying. This unfortunate happening would make it easier I think but I don’t know for sure.

The fear is not enough to make me give up, but the obsession keeps fueling it while I just hit my wall like a pathetic trapped animal. What is wrong with me? Why can’t this just go away? I don’t want to deal with it!!! But I can’t forget it!!!
"Be careful with your heart and what you love, make sure that it was sent from above"-John Mellencamp/India.Arie Peaceful World

JupiterTaco
Posts: 764
Joined: Sun Jun 28, 2015 6:12 pm

Re: Kenny Suttner Suicide-My New Obsession

Post by JupiterTaco » Tue Mar 21, 2017 9:21 pm

And another thing; does my obsession with this case mean I'm not getting any better? Does it mean that I've taken a step backwards in my codependency awareness, to think that I or someone else could've saved this kid? I mean I've worked so hard for the past couple or so years to stop taking responsibility for other people's actions. I just really feel that this could've been avoided and should've been. Thanks. :oops:
"Be careful with your heart and what you love, make sure that it was sent from above"-John Mellencamp/India.Arie Peaceful World

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