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Wound mates

It seems limerence and other addictions stems from early life attachment wounds.
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TheMoon
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Wound mates

Post by TheMoon » Sun Jun 10, 2018 9:43 am

I'm finding it really difficult to get a handle on the concept of wound mates. I've been Googling and trying to read up but still aren't getting it. I get that people may be drawn together if they identify familiar behaviours in one another which arise from similar wounds, but why is that destructive? What's stopping them from sorting themselves out together. Is it because the temptation to blame the partner is the natural default, or does it require a synchronisation of understanding that is difficult to achieve in practice? Or something else?
Thanks

JupiterTaco
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Re: Wound mates

Post by JupiterTaco » Sun Jun 10, 2018 3:38 pm

IMO because if the two people manage to get together, they act out past destructive patterns in their relationships and/or hold their partner back from their true potential in life. If they don't get together because someone (or both people) suffer from limerence, the destructive pattern is that they can't get/sustain decent relationships because of limerence.
"How can I believe when this cloud hangs over me, you're the part of me that I don't want to see"-Forget It-Breaking Benjamin

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David
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Re: Wound mates

Post by David » Mon Jun 11, 2018 7:22 am

I like the definition Jeff Brown uses

Wound-mates (or Wound mates): Those relationships that are sourced in unresolved emotional patterns, issues and holdings. Not to be confused with soul-mates, which will also trigger shadowy material to the surface, but which hold a greater deal of promise.

At the heart of a soul-mate connection is an opportunity to work with the shadow in a growthful manner. This willingness lives at the heart of conscious relationship. When two souls meet in the deep within, all kinds of emotional debris can rise into awareness, including that of the unresolved collective. To the extent that the couple is willing to own and clear the debris, the connection can grow in karmic stature.

By contrast, wound-mates are those that trigger the debris, but they do not have the capacity for relational expansion. They flounder in the mud, trigger after trigger, downward spiral after downward spiral, attached at the waste. They drag both individuals down even if they have the intention to grow through the challenges. Simply put, if they don't help you glow, then let them go...


There is an interesting thread on this quote on his fb page
"Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate." - C.G. Jung

For Professional Coaching / Therapy see http://loverelations.co.uk/limerence

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TheMoon
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Re: Wound mates

Post by TheMoon » Mon Jun 11, 2018 9:15 pm

Thank you David. I'm going to work my way through that discussion steadily. A deal of my interest in understanding this is because I wonder if myself and exSO were wound mates. Too late to be worrying, some would say, but I still like to understand things. I like geology too - which is definitely a science of things that are too long gone or powerful to change :)) !

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NaturalezaMuerta
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Re: Wound mates

Post by NaturalezaMuerta » Tue Jun 12, 2018 4:41 am

By contrast, wound-mates are those that trigger the debris, but they do not have the capacity for relational expansion. They flounder in the mud, trigger after trigger, downward spiral after downward spiral, attached at the waste. They drag both individuals down even if they have the intention to grow through the challenges. Simply put, if they don't help you glow, then let them go...
This is such a succinct definition of what my current relationship with LE feels like. It is a never ending cycle of misunderstandings and feeling victimized/wounded for both of us. But the pull is so strong, so visceral that it is hard to peel away. I wonder if there is a magnetic attraction in this case to continue on this pattern until one breaks it and moves on.
They are not responding to you and you are not responding to them. *-:)

LostAgain
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Re: Wound mates

Post by LostAgain » Wed Jun 13, 2018 5:28 pm

David,that sounds spot on could you post a link to an accessible thread for tose of us who are not on FB.
Regards and thanks

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David
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Re: Wound mates

Post by David » Wed Jun 13, 2018 6:04 pm

LostAgain wrote:
Wed Jun 13, 2018 5:28 pm
David,that sounds spot on could you post a link to an accessible thread for tose of us who are not on FB.
Regards and thanks
Not sure if this will work

Put facebook.com infront of the below

/156161230981/posts/10152770333795982/
"Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate." - C.G. Jung

For Professional Coaching / Therapy see http://loverelations.co.uk/limerence

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Havb
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Re: Wound mates

Post by Havb » Wed Jun 13, 2018 10:19 pm

NaturalezaMuerta wrote:
Tue Jun 12, 2018 4:41 am
By contrast, wound-mates are those that trigger the debris, but they do not have the capacity for relational expansion. They flounder in the mud, trigger after trigger, downward spiral after downward spiral, attached at the waste. They drag both individuals down even if they have the intention to grow through the challenges. Simply put, if they don't help you glow, then let them go...
This is such a succinct definition of what my current relationship with LE feels like. It is a never ending cycle of misunderstandings and feeling victimized/wounded for both of us. But the pull is so strong, so visceral that it is hard to peel away.
Ditto. In my case it’s pretty much one sided though. He doesn’t feel a pull towards me.
“Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better.” -Samuel Beckett

There is always more work to be done.

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