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Still face experiment

It seems limerence and other addictions stems from early life attachment wounds.
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french girl
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Joined: Wed Feb 03, 2016 3:48 pm

Still face experiment

Post by french girl » Tue Nov 28, 2017 9:36 pm

Just stumbled over the "Still Face Experiment".

It made me realize that my LO gives me that face every day at work, and boy, does it hurt...
I know, I'm not a toddler anymore, I shouldn't feel that way about it, but well, I post that in the "Attachment Issues" sub-forum because I have obvious ones.

My LO is at the same time stone-faced and statue-like.
The choice of that guy as a LO is probably a big symptom of having attachment problems.
LO probably reminds me of my mother, she was probably slightly depressive when I was young.
LO is a bit depressive, and the worst is when he uses silent treatment as a passive-aggressive behavior...

Working with him feels like being in a cold desert in Antartica.
It's been four years, I think I'm almost ready to move for another job just to avoid him. I have got to make up my mind, though.

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Re: Still face experiment

Post by mamasita » Tue Nov 28, 2017 9:53 pm

That's really sad to watch.

I too, have some attachment issues due to my mother's death when I was a child. My therapist told me of a "wire monkey" experiment.
They took baby monkeys from their mothers.
Some they put with a "wire money"...fake, made of wire only.
The others they put with a wire monkey who was wrapped in soft pillow-like material.
Others they put with a real-live mother monkey.
The babies with the real mother did the best.
The babies with the wire monkey wrapped in softness didn't do as well as the babies that were with a real monkey, but they did better than the ones with the wire-only monkey.
Those with the wire-only monkey fared the worst.

My T told me about this experiment to show that even when you don't know how to attach properly to others, be a soft place. Be the wire monkey covered in pillow. In this experiment, be present. Available. Comforting.
With my attachment loss, and my father's subsequent inability to comfort or relate to me, I had no idea how to mother my children when they were hurting.
It's sad to imagine yourself as a child with a need that no one can or will fill. Even sadder yet that we still go to these people and try to make them love us in the way we need. It didn't work then and it won't work now. It's the child within you, still crying out at the unjust hand it was dealt.
Here's more about the wire monkey experiment, if you are interested. I should have found the link and read it first, to be more accurate. /:)

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