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“Our ego is exactly what it pretends it isn’t”

For many, limerence represents a spiritual crisis or awakening. Read other's experiences here.
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David
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Re: “Our ego is exactly what it pretends it isn’t”

Post by David » Mon Oct 08, 2018 7:30 am

Havb wrote:
Sun Oct 07, 2018 4:09 am
I like the “there are no wrong feelings” part myself.
So if I may temporarily hijack your thread, it’s not wrong, then, to wonder how T/LO is doing, to wonder if in fact therapy between us could be normal/productive, to wish I could still have contact with him, to think and ruminate and wonder if I am angry and resentful towards him, or loving towards him, and/or mortified about all of it, all at once. That is me, this is I. Or however you say it.
Great thread - I like Alan Watts. Havb, Id argue this is part of you, not all of you. I've long felt our thoughts and feelings are all just fine if we can allow them, not judge them and let them flow through- its our behavioural outputs that need the modification.
"Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate." - C.G. Jung

For Professional Coaching / Therapy see http://loverelations.co.uk/limerence

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David
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Re: “Our ego is exactly what it pretends it isn’t”

Post by David » Mon Oct 08, 2018 7:33 am

Spinnaker wrote:
Sun Oct 07, 2018 2:25 am
Listening to Alan Watts videos today got me thinking about my efforts to overcome limerence, my viscious cycles of denial>>fantasy>guilt>>fantasy>empowerment >>fantasy>self loathing>>fantasy>justifications/victimhood >>fantasy>shame... you get the picture.
Why do some of us stay stuck so much in the fantasy? Likely an escape from dealing with the pain of our grief. Perhaps also helps give us hope, a central part of the human condition.
"Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate." - C.G. Jung

For Professional Coaching / Therapy see http://loverelations.co.uk/limerence

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Re: “Our ego is exactly what it pretends it isn’t”

Post by Maddie » Mon Oct 08, 2018 9:29 pm

Do you think the escape from pain of grief is unconscious or involuntary? I could do a better job of observing thoughts vs running with them. But these thoughts (fantasy) are at least more pleasant than others I've ruminated on. And they're addictive. And tbh, I'm not ready to give them up.

I'm not a journaler except on forum. Maybe I could write about what I grieve to process it. Force myself to confront it.
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LO, 50 , M
Mental health is an ongoing commitment to reality at all costs-- (M Scott Peck)

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Re: “Our ego is exactly what it pretends it isn’t”

Post by David » Tue Oct 09, 2018 6:12 am

Maddie wrote:
Mon Oct 08, 2018 9:29 pm
Do you think the escape from pain of grief is unconscious or involuntary?
For most yes.
"Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate." - C.G. Jung

For Professional Coaching / Therapy see http://loverelations.co.uk/limerence

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Re: “Our ego is exactly what it pretends it isn’t”

Post by Havb » Tue Oct 09, 2018 2:42 pm

David wrote:
Mon Oct 08, 2018 7:30 am
Havb wrote:
Sun Oct 07, 2018 4:09 am
I like the “there are no wrong feelings” part myself.
So if I may temporarily hijack your thread, it’s not wrong, then, to wonder how T/LO is doing, to wonder if in fact therapy between us could be normal/productive, to wish I could still have contact with him, to think and ruminate and wonder if I am angry and resentful towards him, or loving towards him, and/or mortified about all of it, all at once. That is me, this is I. Or however you say it.
Great thread - I like Alan Watts. Havb, Id argue this is part of you, not all of you. I've long felt our thoughts and feelings are all just fine if we can allow them, not judge them and let them flow through- its our behavioural outputs that need the modification.
Thank you for this @David
“Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better.” -Samuel Beckett

There is always more work to be done.

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Re: “Our ego is exactly what it pretends it isn’t”

Post by crushed1234 » Thu Oct 11, 2018 4:13 am

Thank you Spinnaker for the great post!
Pandora wrote:
Sun Oct 07, 2018 2:40 am
Man, it's so funny how often things I've been mulling over seem to come up on the forum!

Thanks for the posts. My thoughts around this topic have been of the thought 'What if the answer isn't to do and dig through all of my childhood experiences/insecurities/whatever? What if what I truly need is just an ego death? To be detached enough from myself to allow all my feelings and emotions to wash over me without identifying with them, or being too involved with them?'

I really lime your Allen Watts quote. It is correct - the harm comes not in having the emotional response, but in wishing that it were something other than it is.

Thanks for posting Spinnaker!
I think “the average person” associate with the ego without being aware of it, and us limerents aren’t average :-s

While I started reading The Power of Now pretty shortly after d-day (NC with LO and disclosing to SO) it’s taken me a whole year for the concepts to sink in. It’s our ego that keeps us stuck in suffering, but it’s our subconscious that sets the blueprint for our lives. So before we even stand a chance to put a lasting dent in the ego I think one must start at the root of why limernce occurred in the first place. If we’re not working through our childhood traumas and limiting belief that resulted from it, I don’t think a “death of the ego” can truly occur.

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Re: “Our ego is exactly what it pretends it isn’t”

Post by Spinnaker » Thu Oct 11, 2018 5:38 am

Thank you Crushed!

I saw “ego death” in the comment and thought, ‘surely I’m not making it sound like I believe I have reached that!’ I DID experience something radical at the start of this whole mess, tho. It was a soul sucking pain like I’d never experienced before which I never figured out exactly what it was. I’d describe it best after many moons as a breakdown of persona. From what I’ve read about ego death nothing I’ve experienced or achieved has come close to ego death.

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