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Awakening

For many, limerence represents a spiritual crisis or awakening. Read other's experiences here.
AMA210
Posts: 1915
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2016 2:17 pm
Location: Midwest
United States of America

Re: Awakening

Post by AMA210 » Sat May 19, 2018 4:23 pm

I believe I am moving towards another awakening process. A continuation of the first, but with greater clarity, purpose, mission and action. My absolute understanding and acceptance that this is about me, and not LO.

Taking what I have learned and applying it to my actual and personal life. Moving forward without the toxic energy of DH and the avoidant energy of LO. I can't take either one with me and I can't force either one to "get it". They have their own journey and I have mine, period. My decisions are mine and can't be dependent on the actions or inactions of another.

So, this karmic cycle I have been in for a long time is ending.

My main focus areas will be:

writing (this truly brings me joy and excitement)
meditation (there is an absolute difference in my energy and state of anxiety when I stop)
chakra balancing (reading, learning, higher self)
Self-love and self-care (includes foods, exercise, nature, addictions, health)
53 years old, married for 27 years
LE was 22 months and LO works four blocks from my home

"Always moving forward"

Acrobatica
Posts: 465
Joined: Tue Apr 10, 2018 6:02 pm
France

Re: Awakening

Post by Acrobatica » Sun May 20, 2018 1:00 am

Sending you support in your new karmic cycle. It sounds like a good cycle. I may try to co opt it for myself.

AMA210
Posts: 1915
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2016 2:17 pm
Location: Midwest
United States of America

Re: Awakening

Post by AMA210 » Sun Jun 03, 2018 11:55 am

Authentic, honesty, transparency.....refusing to live in the deception and pretending that all is well....breaking the old belief that was prevalent in my FOO -- ignore the problems, don't talk about them, push them into the closet, hidden from the world. It's easier to do it this way, to keep the peace, to make no waves, to accept that it's just part of the suffering that is part of life.

Yesterday I shattered that belief because I refuse to live that way. No more. I gave DH seven pages of words, of the truth, and he cried and said I broke his heart.

And then I asked him this.....would you have brought up our issues for discussion? How long before we would have had another "elephant in the room" talk? His reply was "the end of summer".
He asked me for another chance to prove himself. I told him he had two years worth of chances and he took none of them.

I feel bad, yes, but, the truth has set me free. Onwards....
53 years old, married for 27 years
LE was 22 months and LO works four blocks from my home

"Always moving forward"

AMA210
Posts: 1915
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2016 2:17 pm
Location: Midwest
United States of America

Re: Awakening

Post by AMA210 » Tue Sep 25, 2018 3:11 pm

Recently, my DH told me that he has short term memory loss and hopes that eventually, it will get so bad, that he won't remember anything. I wonder if this is partially due to sitting in front of the tv for so many years. He is completely stuck in the victim role and has zero desire to learn, grow and evolve as an individual. It makes me very sad to see this, and although I have tried to help him, I cannot reach him, so I will continue to focus on myself.

He has also told me that he is very threatened by my "empowered" position, and now refers to me as "Wonder Woman". He doesn't understand the process and how I had to fight through limerence, with all of its pain, to come to this point. He has no experience with women of this variety--his own mother, a prisoner in her own home, held by a dictator husband, and unable to realize her self worth; a sister who remains in a dead marriage because of fear, and easily distracted by shopping addictions.

i see the misery in others, the deception, the masks of pretending that all is well, when in reality it is not and yet I am not afraid to move into the unknown, to leave it all behind, and to shatter the false beliefs. Perhaps because I have been shattered through this LE, and have emerged stronger from it. I am learning to be compassionate. It's a difficult lesson to master.
53 years old, married for 27 years
LE was 22 months and LO works four blocks from my home

"Always moving forward"

Anna
Posts: 328
Joined: Wed Jan 25, 2017 11:15 pm
Canada

Re: Awakening

Post by Anna » Wed Sep 26, 2018 2:02 pm

So are you going to leave him?

AMA210
Posts: 1915
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2016 2:17 pm
Location: Midwest
United States of America

Re: Awakening

Post by AMA210 » Wed Sep 26, 2018 7:03 pm

Anna wrote:
Wed Sep 26, 2018 2:02 pm
So are you going to leave him?
In a word, yes, and a process that has taken 7 months to get from contemplation to action.
53 years old, married for 27 years
LE was 22 months and LO works four blocks from my home

"Always moving forward"

AMA210
Posts: 1915
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2016 2:17 pm
Location: Midwest
United States of America

Re: Awakening

Post by AMA210 » Wed Nov 07, 2018 7:33 pm

The components of the LE journey can be summarized as body, mind and spirit. It's taken 32 months to get my mind and spirit where they need to be. A strong mind has been the result of pushing through the lessons that LE and LO himself presented. My spirituality has grown considerably, as has my faith and trust in a higher power, and so very different than the religious doctrines of my youth.

Now it's time to focus the energy on my body -- what I put into it and how well it works. Two weeks ago, I joined a club and am working with a trainer. I did a class and I feel really comfortable there. I have never done this, like ever. I really think that if LE had not occurred, I would be stuck in the same "it's impossible" mindset. Everything in my life and how I view it has changed.

The motivation is coming from within me (and not from LO). He was the only one who put a fire under my ass to want to move it off of the couch. Yet another reason why it' was so hard to give up the hits.

Today I was thinking about how over many years, my SO has not been able to evoke any change in me. It truly never was a partnership or a relationship that encouraged growth of any kind. I probably spent many years not really knowing what love was, but never realizing that and equating sex with love.
53 years old, married for 27 years
LE was 22 months and LO works four blocks from my home

"Always moving forward"

Acrobatica
Posts: 465
Joined: Tue Apr 10, 2018 6:02 pm
France

Re: Awakening

Post by Acrobatica » Wed Nov 07, 2018 8:09 pm

Struggling with this too. I really appreciate you sharing.

AMA210
Posts: 1915
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2016 2:17 pm
Location: Midwest
United States of America

Re: Awakening

Post by AMA210 » Wed Nov 07, 2018 9:54 pm

:) :ymhug:
53 years old, married for 27 years
LE was 22 months and LO works four blocks from my home

"Always moving forward"

mamasita
Posts: 755
Joined: Wed Oct 11, 2017 10:27 pm
Location: USA
Gender:
United States of America

Re: Awakening

Post by mamasita » Thu Nov 08, 2018 2:35 pm

@AMA I am so happy for you! Exercise changed everything for me. I love group classes! :ymhug:

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