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Inhabiting the Shadow

For many, limerence represents a spiritual crisis or awakening. Read other's experiences here.
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EXlfjb
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Inhabiting the Shadow

Post by EXlfjb » Thu May 11, 2017 9:49 pm

Inhabiting the Shadow
"Try as we might, there is no inoculation against shadow. No matter how dedicated we are to piety, good health or selfless service, we cannot distance ourselves from the grit and grime of being alive. The shadow will always find a way to enter our lives, but the artfulness is in how we dance with it, the degree to which we follow its lead"

The Death Mother
"If you were the child of a mother crippled by her own devaluation, you may have inherited the feeling of being unseen, invalidated, or worse – with the unspoken communication that you (or some aspect of you) was unwanted or even wished dead. Long after you leave the family home, the tyranny of this archetype that Jungian analyst Marion Woodman calls the Death Mother continues its reign in our psyches"
https://toko-pa.com

I love Toko-pa's work. She has such great insight and a lot of it relates to limerence, or any shadow for that matter. It is interesting a lot of her work is connected to the mother. For some tribal groups the connection runs deeper... back to mother earth... where there is an understanding that all things are connected. Some might even see it as having started from when Adam and Eve ate the forbidden fruit... with the snake representing the shadow.

What you see in me, is in you, and the same goes for me. And the freedom to stop dancing comes from recognising this. That the irk or anger or any feeling for that matter is only a reflection of myself. And that is when I choose to let the victim of my anger go, that is when I choose to stop dancing. For example, there is a person on here who told me to fucking grow up, on a public forum I might add. Now a part of me wants to out him to the point of shaming him for his behaviour and getting him to apologise for it, but here is the thing, it is not my dance... it is his (it is his anger and his behaviour to own). My part in it is to decide what steps to take - the tango or the solo tap routine? I choose the tap routine though some steps may look similar to the tango (the shadow steps) simply because they exist and cannot be altered. But the routine can, and so can the inner feeling of release and freedom to just let go and dance a healthier dance where I nourish my soul instead of my shadow. Though for me, the biggest thing is recognising this shadow otherwise I would be stuck with only one routine - the tango... instead I have many to choose from, Chacha, Swing, Jazz, Stomp, Hip-hop... the list goes on. And each song choice/dance routine will alter my spirit according the vibrations that run deep through my veins.

But... the biggest lesson for me is knowing that shadow steps are always going to be part of each routine, just as Toko-pa highlighted... it is all in the artfulness of "how we dance with it, the degree to which we follow its lead"

Which is the same for limerence :)
Which means... I don't have to be scared of it. I can recognise it for what it is, and then decide what steps to dance.

Kia hora te marino,
Kia whakapapa pounamu te moana,
Kia tere te karohirohi.

May the seas be calm,
May the shimmer of summer
Glisten like the greenstone,
Dance across thy pathway.

Ma Io koutou e manaaki, e tiaki, i nga wa katoa.

JupiterTaco
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Re: Inhabiting the Shadow

Post by JupiterTaco » Fri May 12, 2017 1:31 am

Thanks for posting! :)
"The road to hell is paved with good intentions, yeah,"-Madonna, 4 Minutes

Oh and...it's also a proverb... :-\

EXlfjb
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Re: Inhabiting the Shadow

Post by EXlfjb » Fri May 12, 2017 9:41 am

You are welcome JT! :-D

I just love Toko-pa... her work resonates with me.

EXlfjb
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Re: Inhabiting the Shadow

Post by EXlfjb » Sat May 13, 2017 12:55 am

Sometimes the limerence dance is two steps forward and three steps back. As long as you continue to hold on to the same steps, the same routine... you will remain stuck until you become bored or find another limerent dance partner.

If you analyze your steps, and make the smallest alteration, your routine changes and your limerent dance partner is forced to change their stance in order to keep up, and then you add some more until your dance routine becomes so unrecognizable that they fall by wayside.

Small changes to the steps you take, take you further into the self and away from lala-land.

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Spinnaker
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Re: Inhabiting the Shadow

Post by Spinnaker » Sat May 05, 2018 3:39 pm

My reply from another post seems to fit here and the link attached is very informative.

I'm still leaning toward what I think might still fall onto the category of "wound mates".

IMJ our wounds from painful experiences are deep within our shadows and an unconscious part of us senses that in another. We connect. Once share that grief the connection is deeper and the child inside "seeks" in other to fill the emptiness.

The dance is discovering each other's shadows and learning where you are "in step". Are we seeking security and comfort, communion, rescue? The darkness is also communicating beneath the surface/unconsciously to see if we share the same addictions or escapes.... which can be destructive like partners in crime.

When you are close to the same page in your will to seek truth and overcome the pain of the past, your woundmate *can be* a life altering valuable partnership. Important not to confuse intensity for love.

When your shadows create havoc playing games with your partner in crime....one pitfall for those susceptible which is I think 1 in 100, limerence creeps in. Just because you are wound mates doesn't mean you are both susceptible to limerence. The LS (you) regress and believe your woundmate is responsible for triggering the euphoric feelings which were probably triggered in the first place from seeing them as God or parent to fix us when we opened up and the shadows took control. After the initial euphoria, our brain seeks more and knows this person is your source of pleasure and escape.

Limerence is spiritual bypassing. We were ready to move to the next stage in life and found the wrong kindred spirit.

The profound experience set me on a journey which this book described best. It's not what I think everyone here is destined to find. It just explains much better than me what has happened after limerence ran its course.

Last edited by Spinnaker on Sat May 05, 2018 4:29 pm, edited 1 time in total.
"I'll become what I deserve".

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Havb
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Re: Inhabiting the Shadow

Post by Havb » Sat May 05, 2018 4:11 pm

Wow this thread is so timely. I have a lot to say but No time to say it at the moment. Thanks for all the info and thoughts.
“Patience, grasshopper.” Also, “listen to your intuition.”

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Spinnaker
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Re: Inhabiting the Shadow

Post by Spinnaker » Sat May 05, 2018 4:31 pm

Havb

I had the wrong link attached! :p

:-ss "The shadow knows!" /:)
"I'll become what I deserve".

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Havb
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Re: Inhabiting the Shadow

Post by Havb » Sat May 05, 2018 5:28 pm

Just edited this to add that this post of mine doesn’t sound very spiritual. If it needs to be moved, please do so.


So I was saying that this thread is very timely. Lately I have become obsessed with the notion that LO is asexual, or might be. Because there something a little different about him.

So, taking the shadow perspective, I would say that, while I am clearly not asexual, there might be a nonthreatening quality that he represents, to which I’m attracted. I was thinking back to my first crush, when I was eight and South America. At that time, my crushes were innocent, obviously, involving no sex, but merely liking someone. LO physically resembles the type. I just wonder if, in this overly sexualized world, and as a survivor of sexual violence, if I am not somehow feeling attracted to somebody who reflects that same Innocence, at least sexually speaking. Asexuality sort of mirrors me in the time in which my sexual trauma happened. I had very little notion of sex, and was clearly not fantasizing about having sex with anyone at that time. Just a thought, and I’m not entirely done exploring it, but it does make me wonder.
“Patience, grasshopper.” Also, “listen to your intuition.”

JupiterTaco
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Re: Inhabiting the Shadow

Post by JupiterTaco » Sat May 05, 2018 7:12 pm

Havb wrote:
Sat May 05, 2018 5:28 pm
Just edited this to add that this post of mine doesn’t sound very spiritual. If it needs to be moved, please do so.


So I was saying that this thread is very timely. Lately I have become obsessed with the notion that LO is asexual, or might be. Because there something a little different about him.

So, taking the shadow perspective, I would say that, while I am clearly not asexual, there might be a nonthreatening quality that he represents, to which I’m attracted. I was thinking back to my first crush, when I was eight and South America. At that time, my crushes were innocent, obviously, involving no sex, but merely liking someone. LO physically resembles the type. I just wonder if, in this overly sexualized world, and as a survivor of sexual violence, if I am not somehow feeling attracted to somebody who reflects that same Innocence, at least sexually speaking. Asexuality sort of mirrors me in the time in which my sexual trauma happened. I had very little notion of sex, and was clearly not fantasizing about having sex with anyone at that time. Just a thought, and I’m not entirely done exploring it, but it does make me wonder.
I can relate to that Havb. Most of my LOs did not come on to me in a sexual way and maybe I appreciated it and felt safe with them.
"The road to hell is paved with good intentions, yeah,"-Madonna, 4 Minutes

Oh and...it's also a proverb... :-\

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