Information: Please take a moment and visit your profile to choose a flag.

Deja Vu all over again

Discuss your experiences about narcissism and relationships with narcissists here.
Cookie
Posts: 393
Joined: Wed Sep 27, 2017 4:08 pm
United States of America

Re: Deja Vu all over again

Post by Cookie » Thu Oct 05, 2017 4:28 pm

Hi again, Free.

Appreciate your heartfelt and genuine posts here. Much the same in my world, although my mom's narcissism is covert and oddly masked in codependence. I too am learning to forgive, with understanding of her own family dynamics and childhood. Two of her three brothers are/were narcissists -- one is a psychopath and maybe even a sociopath. Their father (my grandad) was an upstanding citizen and successful businessman, but he also had a mistress, whom he married after my grandmother died. Lots of suppressed emotion in that household.

I get all that.

But my lingering anger is: Why didn't SHE deal with all of her issues, instead of playing them out in our family? Why did the rest of us suffer and struggle while she skated away and did what she wanted? I mean, maybe she's not skating away. Maybe she's in more pain than I realize. Who would know, because she drowns it all in alcohol. And that pattern I thankfully have been able to break.

It's hard, girl. Keep at it.
Female, age 52
Limerent for as long as I can remember
Have had 7 "real" LOs in the last 25 years
Current LO is male, age 44, married AND has another GF!

User avatar
FreeBird
Posts: 473
Joined: Thu Jul 13, 2017 12:51 am
Gender:
United States of America

Re: Deja Vu all over again

Post by FreeBird » Fri Oct 06, 2017 12:27 am

Cookie wrote:
Thu Oct 05, 2017 4:28 pm
Hi again, Free.

Appreciate your heartfelt and genuine posts here.

Thank you, I appreciate yours as well :ymhug:

But my lingering anger is: Why didn't SHE deal with all of her issues, instead of playing them out in our family? Why did the rest of us suffer and struggle while she skated away and did what she wanted? I mean, maybe she's not skating away. Maybe she's in more pain than I realize. Who would know, because she drowns it all in alcohol. And that pattern I thankfully have been able to break.

It's hard, girl. Keep at it.
I can dig it. The "whys" are the maddening thing. Maybe if we look it as if they had a permanently broken arm and they had to learn to manuever through life with a handicap? Their power, their voice was taken from them. I still chalk it up to them switching into survival mode just to function. I don't know how old your parents are, but mine were in their 80's when they died. Their generation would have never dreamed of entering therapy or "digging deep". They just blocked it out, suppressed it, and decided they had to get on with it. I agree that passing on their mess to us was unfair, but I don't think they thought they had any other choice.

Cookie
Posts: 393
Joined: Wed Sep 27, 2017 4:08 pm
United States of America

Re: Deja Vu all over again

Post by Cookie » Fri Oct 06, 2017 12:56 am

Same ages as yours.

Dad just passed, mom is still alive.
Female, age 52
Limerent for as long as I can remember
Have had 7 "real" LOs in the last 25 years
Current LO is male, age 44, married AND has another GF!

User avatar
FreeBird
Posts: 473
Joined: Thu Jul 13, 2017 12:51 am
Gender:
United States of America

Re: Deja Vu all over again

Post by FreeBird » Sat Oct 07, 2017 12:50 am

Cookie: Did your LE coincide with your Dad's passing, by chance? (I'm sorry for your loss.)

Post Reply

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 3 guests