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Poll on disclosure

Polls on anything related to anything. Why not create your own poll?

Do you think its better to disclose your EA/PA to your SO?

Total votes: 38

Posts: 10
Joined: Mon Dec 31, 2018 9:32 pm

Re: Poll on disclosure

Post by Katrulz » Tue Jan 08, 2019 8:48 pm

If we've chosen a good SO, I reckon 'Yes'. If we have a controlling SO who doesnt care about us, perhaps I'd go for 'Undecided' or 'No'.

I believe a loving, caring SO has a right to know. If not straight away, then eventually (perhaps after we go NC or have a platonic LO). In addition, a smart SO would likely figure it out anyway. Why punch them in the face with lies. In a long lasting healthy relationship, openness and honesty is key.

Unfortunately with limerence, this leads to pain for the SO when we get a LO. However, NC is made a lot easier with the support, love and understanding of your SO. If our SO is aware of our condition, they can also help us see the warning signs of a new LO and help us cut off the feelings before they get too far.

Limerence involves the brain pumping out lots of hormones which increase our anxiety, pleasure and libido. With openness to SO about being in an LO that is sought to be continued, it is better to seek out the SO to fulfill the needs of a heightened libido, then to seek out external people. If the SO understands that you have certain libido 'needs' and is able to fulfill them straight away, a platonic limerence is a lot easier than being sexually frustrated and having our SO not understand why we're so constantly needing err their 'care'. And then they start to refuse that 'care' which makes our limerence worse as we start to fantasise the erotic with non-SO people.
Married Female Age 32.
Multiple LO's since primary school ending with reciprication, transference, starvation and burnout.
Started NC 10/12/18 with last platonic LO.

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