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Outcome of LE

Polls on anything related to anything. Why not create your own poll?

Outcome of LE

SO and I are working on restoring our relationship/marriage
8
20%
LE has caused me to settle for SO
8
20%
LE has made my relationship with SO worse
6
15%
LE has made my relationship with SO better
11
27%
LE has caused me to do the "heavy lifting" and this change has made us incompatible.
3
7%
I have divorced SO
2
5%
I have separated from SO
1
2%
Nothing changed as a result of LE
2
5%
 
Total votes: 41

L-F
Posts: 1865
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: Outcome of LE

Post by L-F » Wed May 30, 2018 12:06 am

This is just my 2 cents worth...

I haven't read the past posts but gather people were triggered for various reasons. I still get triggered. Don't think I'll ever not get triggered one way or the other. Whenever I explode I know its about me, and me wanting to save people from more heartache. Actually its quite painful watching people fall down rabbit holes and I have to keep asking myself "why do I care?"... but I do and I dont think I'll ever stop caring.

That is why people who think with either their genitals or heart really tick me off because I have NEVER EVER seen a happy ever after story when people follow their fantasies. If there are some, I'd love to hear them so as to prove that following your heart can work. For me, being my perspective and all, you have to use your head, not heart or genitals.

Whatever is unfolding in your neck of the woods. Please take care because I'd hate to have to say "told you so"... so to those who follow their hearts, please prove me wrong.
Have conquered limerence.
I'm no expert, but have learnt enough to know where to look for answers.

JohnDeux
Posts: 1827
Joined: Mon Feb 24, 2014 11:42 pm

Re: Outcome of LE

Post by JohnDeux » Wed May 30, 2018 1:17 am

L-F wrote:
Wed May 30, 2018 12:06 am
Actually its quite painful watching people fall down rabbit holes and I have to keep asking myself "why do I care?"... but I do and I dont think I'll ever stop caring.
Can't recall who first brought up the "if you spot it, you've got it...", but I think it was in one of your threads. It's now my first "go-to" phrase to initiate the line of self-inquiry when I feel unduly triggered by some event or some person. Do you think you are playing around (subconsciously) now or in the past with having wanted someone to offer *you* guidance away from the rabbit holes and do rabbit holes still offer enticement? In other words, could your compulsion to aggressively move others away from the rabbit holes for their own good be a displaced desire of wanting to have had someone to offer *you* guidance when you needed it most?
"Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain...."~ The Wizard of Oz

MrSpock
Posts: 595
Joined: Thu Dec 07, 2017 11:39 pm
Location: Buenos Aires, Argentina
Gender:
Argentina

Re: Outcome of LE

Post by MrSpock » Wed May 30, 2018 1:59 am

L-F wrote:
Wed May 30, 2018 12:06 am
For me, being my perspective and all, you have to use your head, not heart or genitals.

I agree... with one rather fundamental addition: you have to follow your head, but your head has to listen to your heart (and to be complete, also your genitals). Otherwise your head makes up the dots to connect.

L-F
Posts: 1865
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: Outcome of LE

Post by L-F » Wed May 30, 2018 3:11 am

JohnDeux wrote:
Wed May 30, 2018 1:17 am

Can't recall who first brought up the "if you spot it, you've got it...", but I think it was in one of your threads. It's now my first "go-to" phrase to initiate the line of self-inquiry when I feel unduly triggered by some event or some person. Do you think you are playing around (subconsciously) now or in the past with having wanted someone to offer *you* guidance away from the rabbit holes and do rabbit holes still offer enticement? In other words, could your compulsion to aggressively move others away from the rabbit holes for their own good be a displaced desire of wanting to have had someone to offer *you* guidance when you needed it most?
Yep the saying if you spot it you got it came from David :)

Who doesn't want to be saved right? But its not my job to. At the same time, like a drowning cat, I'm not gonna be someone who stands by and watch. I'm going in to pull that damn cat out of the water. Scratches and all.
Have conquered limerence.
I'm no expert, but have learnt enough to know where to look for answers.

Idiotic
Posts: 1416
Joined: Sun Sep 03, 2017 7:58 am

Re: Outcome of LE

Post by Idiotic » Wed May 30, 2018 7:01 am

L-F wrote:
Wed May 30, 2018 3:11 am
JohnDeux wrote:
Wed May 30, 2018 1:17 am

Can't recall who first brought up the "if you spot it, you've got it...", but I think it was in one of your threads. It's now my first "go-to" phrase to initiate the line of self-inquiry when I feel unduly triggered by some event or some person. Do you think you are playing around (subconsciously) now or in the past with having wanted someone to offer *you* guidance away from the rabbit holes and do rabbit holes still offer enticement? In other words, could your compulsion to aggressively move others away from the rabbit holes for their own good be a displaced desire of wanting to have had someone to offer *you* guidance when you needed it most?
Yep the saying if you spot it you got it came from David :)

Who doesn't want to be saved right? But its not my job to. At the same time, like a drowning cat, I'm not gonna be someone who stands by and watch. I'm going in to pull that damn cat out of the water. Scratches and all.
I believe that. I wonder if its possible to even watch someone drowning in that metaphorical sense. Wont we all help? The only way to not go down that spiral would be to remove yourself from that sight entirely.
Boy...youre gonna carry that weight, carry that weight, a long time - Golden Slumbers(The Beatles)

L-F
Posts: 1865
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: Outcome of LE

Post by L-F » Wed May 30, 2018 7:37 am

Totally Idiotic :ymhug:

I was out on my bike thinking about this topic. I know what JD is referring to. Did I want someone to save me? Etc etc. Short answer: yes. But I had to learn to save myself.

So regardless of past wounds unconscious or not, I consciously choose to be this way. For it is I! I'm the one who will run into the burning building to save your grandmother, child or dog. I don't care if I didn't like the person. I wouldn't do it for an award because I know I'm putting my life on the line. But this I can share... I'd rather go down fighting to save a life than watch someone fighting for theirs.

So rather than "aggressive" I would say "passionate".

If the cat jumped back into the water I would think it was looking for its kittens at the bottom of the river. So I'd save the cat for the second time and look for the kittens. If there were no kittens and the cat wanted to be left to drown, I'd pick it up and throw it back into the water. I know my limits. The same as trying to help someone and all you want to do is bang your head against the wall. Then I simply say "I tried" because I'd rather do that then be a bystander.

And the fact we all try in different ways is good because not everyone responds to the passive 'here here' *pat on the back "have a lolly pop" because they want to shut the person up or show sympathy.

I'm sure even Gandhi didn't suffer fools lightly. So am I right with my approach? Yes and no. I've had enough people say thanks to know it works for some. But here is the thing, it doesn't matter what your approach is because there will always be haters and lovers, no matter how placid a person is. So my suggestion is, find yourself and love that. Love who you choose to be... and I love that I'm a passionate fighter.
Have conquered limerence.
I'm no expert, but have learnt enough to know where to look for answers.

Spinnaker
Posts: 1855
Joined: Mon Oct 10, 2016 7:25 am
Gender:
Contact:
United States of America

Re: Outcome of LE

Post by Spinnaker » Wed May 30, 2018 7:42 am

Well said!

AMA210
Posts: 1912
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2016 2:17 pm
Location: Midwest
United States of America

Re: Outcome of LE

Post by AMA210 » Wed May 30, 2018 2:39 pm

In regards to "if you spot it, you got it"-- that came to mind and the words were a bit jumbled, but it reminded me of something I heard long ago on here. Thanks for clarifying, L-F, as to who owns it. :)

After reading the results of this poll, it makes me feel sad that my outcome does not match the majority. I thought it would positively affect my LTR. Realizing that it hasn't is a hard pill to swallow. Nothing has changed DH. Even with LO removed from the future, my decision is the same. I have forgotten what a normal relationship is like. I know too well what a dysfunctional relationship is like and it truly sucks.

I think DH should tape what remains of my wedding ring to his precious TV. Maybe he will. Anything is possible, I imagine.
I feel he has given up already and that he will not fight.
53 years old, married for 27 years
LE was 22 months and LO works four blocks from my home

"Always moving forward"

AMA210
Posts: 1912
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2016 2:17 pm
Location: Midwest
United States of America

Re: Outcome of LE

Post by AMA210 » Thu Jun 07, 2018 9:45 pm

Today has me standing in my own power!!

Determined to get it all out there on the table with DH. No more pretending everything is fine. No balance.

No more needing LO to feel better, for attention or to prove my worthiness to him. He got my authentic self and in return I got confused responses, silence or avoidance. No balance.

I thought he quit, but then he was back, so I don't know how it went down.
Today I drove by on my way home from my daughters' friends house and yeah he was in the garage with another guy, and yeah, I looked, but, I'm In a different place now.

I got home and stood in my power and didn't go back. I would have before.

Long, long road to get here. :ymparty:
53 years old, married for 27 years
LE was 22 months and LO works four blocks from my home

"Always moving forward"

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