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Is disclosure to LO the right thing to do?

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Is disclosure to LO the right thing to do?

Yes
2
15%
No
2
15%
Not sure
3
23%
Maybe
6
46%
 
Total votes: 13

L-F
Posts: 1630
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Is disclosure to LO the right thing to do?

Post by L-F » Sat Nov 18, 2017 3:58 am

Do you think it is a good idea to disclose? If not, why not?
When you are external facing,
how do you expect to do the inner work? :-??

L-F
Posts: 1630
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: Is disclosure to LO the right thing to do?

Post by L-F » Sat Nov 18, 2017 9:08 am

To those that have said 'yes'... can you elaborate as to why you think it's a good thing? And to those who say 'no'.
When you are external facing,
how do you expect to do the inner work? :-??

User avatar
french girl
Posts: 284
Joined: Wed Feb 03, 2016 3:48 pm

Re: Is disclosure to LO the right thing to do?

Post by french girl » Sat Nov 18, 2017 9:39 am

If my LO was far enough and I saw him only once in a while, I wouldn't bother to disclose...
The problem is that we work close, and it's been four years...
I'm afraid that when we work together, he can feel the elephant in the room, anyway...
I'm not good at hiding my feelings, and I think I did several half disclosures, doing stupid things which made LO realize I had a big crush over him.
I never strictly disclosed, but the result is the same I guess...
Cookie wrote:
Sat Nov 18, 2017 6:00 am
(...)
Disclosing to an LO can actually precipitate the inevitable breakdown of the limerence, i.e. speed up the process, if you will. Works for me every time, lol. Because the LOs are usually not complete innocent bystanders in this, they’re backed into a bit of a corner. And...they will either run or call your bluff. Or both, which is a real hot mess!

So while disclosure may initially be “for you,” it serves the dual purpose of accelerating the ending. Or bringing a full -on affair if reciprocated, which will eventually end up the same. In my HUMBLE opinion. This is psychology, so by definition no one here is right or wrong. We are sharing based on our own experiences. And we may f*** up in how we handle things, but that is part of the process.

The caveat here being preservation of other family units that might be affected.
What said Cookie in a parallel thread ("Crying") makes sense to me though...
If you're not against adding more turmoil to your situation, you may be interested in disclosing...

Of course it's a problem for your SO, your family and LO's family.

There's also the problem that your LO is not really responsible for your limerence, so he may be embarrassed by what you disclosed.
Of course, as Cookie said, some LOs are not that innocent : if they are narcissist, they may have played a part in your limerence.
But they may never admit it, though, so why bother to disclose, anyway, it's useless ? :-\

Idiotic
Posts: 1306
Joined: Sun Sep 03, 2017 7:58 am

Re: Is disclosure to LO the right thing to do?

Post by Idiotic » Sat Nov 18, 2017 10:01 am

Euugh. Okay it feels like homework when someone says elaborate, but ill still try. Funnily I voted yes although i have not done it for real. As a single person, with the LO being single too most probably, i think why not. If she says no plainly , ill move on and have no regrets later. This is the simple answer. Having said that, i think its really for the person to decide whether or not to do it. In my case i didn't disclose to LO because there is actually nothing to disclose.
I only discovered the intensity of my feelings when she had left abruptly. After that i knew something was wrong with me, and i racked my brains to think of ways to communicate with her, or to have her communicate with me. I thought of disclosing then, but i knew it would scare her away( who says i love you before even going on a date! Ha ha! ). She did respond in mixed ways, and we decided twice to meet up. Twice she didn't hold her end of the deal, now im sort of left in limbo. But, the important thing is my feelings for her have changed. Im no longer crazy, sure it hurts now and then, but whatever. There isn't anything i want to disclose to her now. Because i get the hint she probably doesn't want me in her life. Although i have nothing to disclose, i want to tell her later on, if i don't block her or whatever, that she had a powerful impact on me. I want to tell her later, so that there is no chance of her being burdened by this information, that she has to do something about it. I hold this idea that i want to tell her, maybe with time ill change my mind, who knows.
Now my case is different cos i knew LO for a brief period before going forced NC. There are people who see each other daily, and the mixed signals confuse them, so they might want to clear that out. Then the whole disclosure thing when married, i don't know anything about that, so i guess that could be judged on different merits.
I suppose to disclose or not should depend on asking yourself sincerely what your intent is, do you want them to reciprocate, or give do you want a clear answer. And it would be best to decide whether to disclose or not when LE is not so high, when you have your wits about you, otherwise it might be like drunk driving , endangering yourself and the other person.
Boy...youre gonna carry that weight, carry that weight, a long time - Golden Slumbers(The Beatles)

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