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Did No contact with LO help You?

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Did No contact help you get over your LO?

Yes, I completed got over my LO after sometime.
2
9%
No, my feelings for my LO are still the same.
2
9%
Things got better but I still think about my LO.
19
83%
 
Total votes: 23

songofhiawatha
Posts: 94
Joined: Thu Jul 16, 2015 10:03 am
Gender:
Great Britain

Re: Did No contact with LO help You?

Post by songofhiawatha » Wed Nov 15, 2017 10:17 am

Apart from a couple of anodyne texts, I managed NC for a whole year until about a fortnight ago when I saw and briefly chatted to her twice. My feelings are practically as strong as ever but I have definitely got over the almost 'stalking' mode I was in a couple of years back and am more respectful of boundaries. Also I have lost most of my hope for meaningful reciprocation. The trouble is that my beautiful, wonderful LO still lives and works in the vicinity, so I am bound to bump into her occasionally,but I am more easily restraining myself from seeking out an occasion to meet her, though I confess that the latest encounter was not wholly accidental.
I know someone on this forum, and there are probably others, who are in the happier situation that their LO has, or is about to, move away geographically, or they themselves have moved, and I can only imagine that this would greatly lessen the obsession.
Having said all this, I believe that my LE has been one of the great experiences of my life. I have loved and lost, as they say, but I am extremely grateful that I met that girl and, for a brief spell, shared rapturous (non-sexual) times with her, which I will never forget to my dying day.
SoH

Radey
Posts: 295
Joined: Mon Aug 14, 2017 9:10 am
Great Britain

Re: Did No contact with LO help You?

Post by Radey » Wed Nov 15, 2017 2:20 pm

songofhiawatha wrote:
Wed Nov 15, 2017 10:17 am
Apart from a couple of anodyne texts, I managed NC for a whole year until about a fortnight ago when I saw and briefly chatted to her twice. My feelings are practically as strong as ever but I have definitely got over the almost 'stalking' mode I was in a couple of years back and am more respectful of boundaries. Also I have lost most of my hope for meaningful reciprocation. The trouble is that my beautiful, wonderful LO still lives and works in the vicinity, so I am bound to bump into her occasionally,but I am more easily restraining myself from seeking out an occasion to meet her, though I confess that the latest encounter was not wholly accidental.
I know someone on this forum, and there are probably others, who are in the happier situation that their LO has, or is about to, move away geographically, or they themselves have moved, and I can only imagine that this would greatly lessen the obsession.
Having said all this, I believe that my LE has been one of the great experiences of my life. I have loved and lost, as they say, but I am extremely grateful that I met that girl and, for a brief spell, shared rapturous (non-sexual) times with her, which I will never forget to my dying day.
SoH
Your post sums up my feelings too. I picked option 3. No matter how I try, I can’t think negatively of my exLO. I can’t forget him either. He works a few minutes from where I work and I have already run into him once. NC is good as it has taken me to a point of acceptance, self recovery, respect, control and dignity so I feel I can handle running into him. Despite it all I still care about him and think I always will. The LE was a life changing experience that I can never forget. My life has moved on and I can never go back to how it was. He will always be my baby! It is a shame that it can’t be real!

User avatar
FreeBird
Posts: 442
Joined: Thu Jul 13, 2017 12:51 am

Re: Did No contact with LO help You?

Post by FreeBird » Wed Nov 15, 2017 3:23 pm

I'm mostly LC than NC due to checking his social media. When I actually disciplined myself and went true NC about two months ago, I do remember feeling pretty darn good. Why did I give that up??
The artist formerly known as limerent-JohnDeux B-)
Me: middle-aged MW
LO: middle-aged MM w/children, good friend of FOO (deceased)
LE: started age 16

mamasita
Posts: 447
Joined: Wed Oct 11, 2017 10:27 pm
Location: USA
Gender:
United States of America

Re: Did No contact with LO help You?

Post by mamasita » Wed Nov 15, 2017 3:29 pm

I'm feeling crappy today and can't really vote on this poll too effectively.
I unfollowed LO on social media for 2 months and just followed again Monday in my weakness. I am forced to have some LC but I could control this thing mentally a lot better if I could stop jumping off and on with my consistency. Sometimes I want to heal, sometimes I want to see him more than anything. I feel myself slipping down the slope of obsession and I'm trying to get a grip. I have to be all or nothing to get a handle on this and I'm not. :|

mamasita
Posts: 447
Joined: Wed Oct 11, 2017 10:27 pm
Location: USA
Gender:
United States of America

Re: Did No contact with LO help You?

Post by mamasita » Wed Nov 15, 2017 3:30 pm

FreeBird wrote:
Wed Nov 15, 2017 3:23 pm
I'm mostly LC than NC due to checking his social media. When I actually disciplined myself and went true NC about two months ago, I do remember feeling pretty darn good. Why did I give that up??
Maybe like me, you figure that just a peek isn't hurting anything....as long as I don't reach out, right? #-o

User avatar
FreeBird
Posts: 442
Joined: Thu Jul 13, 2017 12:51 am

Re: Did No contact with LO help You?

Post by FreeBird » Wed Nov 15, 2017 3:42 pm

I'm good at self-deception when it comes to LO :((
The artist formerly known as limerent-JohnDeux B-)
Me: middle-aged MW
LO: middle-aged MM w/children, good friend of FOO (deceased)
LE: started age 16

mamasita
Posts: 447
Joined: Wed Oct 11, 2017 10:27 pm
Location: USA
Gender:
United States of America

Re: Did No contact with LO help You?

Post by mamasita » Wed Nov 15, 2017 3:44 pm

FreeBird wrote:
Wed Nov 15, 2017 3:42 pm
I'm good at self-deception when it comes to LO :((
Me too, surprisingly good. Even when I'm lying to myself I know I'm lying to myself. And I guess I don't care in that moment. SMH

WonkyBrainThe2nd
Posts: 239
Joined: Thu Feb 23, 2017 4:32 pm

Re: Did No contact with LO help You?

Post by WonkyBrainThe2nd » Wed Nov 15, 2017 5:05 pm

I've been NC for 6 months. Definitely helped. I get waves of it, that can last anything from a day to weeks at a time (I'm going through one at the moment), but I've gone big patches without thinking of it much. The best thing about it, to be honest, was that the sexual fantasising dropped by about 90%. That side of it was getting really dysfunctional and disruptive for me. My waves of limerence are only triggered by specific events in my life now. If I was still in contact, I'd be getting triggered by him doing things, so I'd be having much more frequent waves of it.

There's been a downside to the NC for me. I've been switching between contact and no contact for three years, and every time I go no contact I get a psoriasis flare up. When I restart contact the psoriasis goes away. My psoriasis is very psychologically rooted. I have PTSD and often feel unsafe and very scared. There have been studies that show that people with PTSD and childhood trauma have a higher rate of auto-immune problems (which psoriasis is) and I've always noticed mine kicks in when I feel unsafe. It's like the body's over-reaction to perceived danger. My LO and his family provided a strange little illusion of safety for me. I remember how, when it was just me and LO in the cafe he used to stand in the door, blocking anyone else from coming in, and it gave me the sense of someone guarding his cave with his woman in it, and I felt unbelievable safe in that moment. Amazing that things like that, so small and seemingly imperceivable, can have such a big effect.

confusedGirl3
Posts: 205
Joined: Sun Nov 01, 2015 1:02 am

Re: Did No contact with LO help You?

Post by confusedGirl3 » Wed Nov 15, 2017 9:27 pm

Soon, I will go from LC ( mostly my choice to keep my sanity) to NC. The NC was not my choice. During the LC I was doing well until I saw the person again then all emotions came flooding back. Now, with the knowledge of permanent NC in the near future, I am feeling lots of pain. I know it would get better soon. I will keep reminding myself that I should not cry over someone who made the choice to leave. I would like to believe that people who leave us will be replaced by better ones making it into our lives. Love is care and giving not smitten looks and smiles and nice words. Words do not mean much, giving the person you care about your time and care is what proves you love them. I think wounds fade with time specially if we put some effort in helping them heal.
Wishing you all the best. Don't let yourself drown in pain, the person who made you feel this way is not worth your love, so find someone who is.
My last sentence is a little hypocritical though since I always thought my LO deserves way better than me.

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