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Who initiates sex?

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Who initiates sex?

Im a male and never initiate sex
0
No votes
Im a male and sometimes initiate sex
2
9%
Im a male and often initiate sex
3
13%
Im a male and always initiate sex
4
17%
Im a female and never initiate sex
2
9%
Im a female and sometimes initiate sex
6
26%
Im a female and often initiate sex
3
13%
Im a female and always initiate sex
3
13%
 
Total votes: 23

Maddie
Posts: 585
Joined: Fri Feb 02, 2018 1:09 am
Gender:
United States of America

Re: Who initiates sex?

Post by Maddie » Thu Oct 04, 2018 6:46 pm

Ty Mamasita. You seem to understand. It sucks. 39 yr old Maddie knows mature thing to do: have the hard conversations. Ugh! Teenage Maddie is like, "I'll get it elsewhere."

And endgame, be blessed you've never encountered the scenario.
39, F
LO, 50 , M
Mental health is an ongoing commitment to reality at all costs-- (M Scott Peck)

mamasita
Posts: 663
Joined: Wed Oct 11, 2017 10:27 pm
Location: USA
Gender:
United States of America

Re: Who initiates sex?

Post by mamasita » Thu Oct 04, 2018 7:24 pm

Endgame wrote:
Thu Oct 04, 2018 3:35 pm


Have to say I've never come across a male who didn't initiate. That could be personal preference.
Personal preference to what? To manipulate and control by withholding sex? Men do it too, and I will leave it at that.

Endgame
Posts: 240
Joined: Fri Mar 06, 2015 11:09 am

Re: Who initiates sex?

Post by Endgame » Thu Oct 04, 2018 7:55 pm

No, sorry Mamasita - I meant personal preference that I've only been involved with men that do. I'm quite sure there are men out there who withold as well...

mamasita
Posts: 663
Joined: Wed Oct 11, 2017 10:27 pm
Location: USA
Gender:
United States of America

Re: Who initiates sex?

Post by mamasita » Thu Oct 04, 2018 10:21 pm

Endgame wrote:
Thu Oct 04, 2018 7:55 pm
No, sorry Mamasita - I meant personal preference that I've only been involved with men that do. I'm quite sure there are men out there who withold as well...
Yes, I hear you and I think ALL (most?) women expect her man/husband to initiate sex! It didn't even occur to me that a man WOULDN'T initiate sex all the time 24/7. So when I felt my DH's distance from me in that regard, it was very damaging to my self worth. It was about him, not me. But that's hard to take.

Maddie
Posts: 585
Joined: Fri Feb 02, 2018 1:09 am
Gender:
United States of America

Re: Who initiates sex?

Post by Maddie » Thu Oct 04, 2018 10:40 pm

I agree Mamasita. And when I married him, he was very much an initiator... hence the marriage. Now...gotta woman up and deal with this crap. No, I don't like the feeling of rejection.
39, F
LO, 50 , M
Mental health is an ongoing commitment to reality at all costs-- (M Scott Peck)

mamasita
Posts: 663
Joined: Wed Oct 11, 2017 10:27 pm
Location: USA
Gender:
United States of America

Re: Who initiates sex?

Post by mamasita » Thu Oct 04, 2018 10:54 pm

Maddie wrote:
Thu Oct 04, 2018 10:40 pm
I agree Mamasita. And when I married him, he was very much an initiator... hence the marriage. Now...gotta woman up and deal with this crap. No, I don't like the feeling of rejection.
I don't know if it applies to your situation, but my marriage had become more and more distant and resentments had crept in. My DH wasn't initiating because perhaps he resented me and didn't want to put forth much effort into my mind or desires/needs, so he cut me off in many ways, including the physical realm. Like being intimate with me would force him to deal with my other needs. I didn't understand how a man who seemingly had a healthy sexual appetite could not want me when I knew I was attractive and I wanted him very much. Feeling unwanted for those years absolutely pushed what could have been a passing crush into limerent territory. I don't blame DH for my limerence.
But I do believe there are always lots of factors within US and our family of origin AND our marriages that can cause limerence to get out of control. The perfect storm.

Maddie
Posts: 585
Joined: Fri Feb 02, 2018 1:09 am
Gender:
United States of America

Re: Who initiates sex?

Post by Maddie » Thu Oct 04, 2018 11:46 pm

Yes, the perfect storm! Husband isn't to blame but he was so preoccupied that the attention from LO felt wonderful. We have a lot of work to do. Communication between an avoidant and an anxious-avoidant will be challenging, but worth it. It's already improved some thx to the limerence, actually.
39, F
LO, 50 , M
Mental health is an ongoing commitment to reality at all costs-- (M Scott Peck)

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