Right. Which is why I said that it depends on what you mean by "friendship".... but let me elaborate:
Right.AnnieKaye9924 wrote: ↑Fri Jun 07, 2019 11:01 pmMaybe I’m immature, but I just don’t think I’m wired for it. Men are great as colleagues & casual acquaintances but I tend to like to confide in a more emotional person...not that men aren’t emotional, just that I haven’t really met one that I connected with emotionally AND was not attracted to. Also, I have a tendency to feel more attracted to someone the longer I’m around them. So I know that even though it might start out innocently it would not guarantee to stay that way.
Also, this may be terrible of me, but I’m just being honest. It would hurt my pride to be close with a man and him have absolutely zero attraction to me.
To me, a healthy, close, male/female relationship is a mystery because I have never really had one.
What happens is that same-gender "friendship" is an entirely different type of affectionate relationship than "cross-gender" friendship.
And that's to be expected for after all there all ALL sorts of affectionate close relationships. Take parents and kids for instance. I'm certainly not "friends" with my kids in the usual sense, yet we are really close, we do lots of stuff together, they even confide in me a lot of their stuff, but, I, for example, don’t confide on them (not at this age at least), and there is a significant management asymmetry.
Similar with colleagues. I have, and had have, really emotionally close male colleagues and classmates, special even, yet they would not fit the canonical friend definition because our relationship is confined to the activity that we share.
So, male/female relationships are totally possible, even in the presence of varying levels and directions of attraction, but they have special rules and dynamics. In general, the greater the attraction (from either side) the more bounds are put in.
In my personal experience, I have many female "friends" (for lack of a specific word). Some I have always been attracted to, and they know it (like the LO I mentioned above), so certain boundaries are in place. But that works and there is genuine closeness. With some is the opposite: they wanted me and told me, I didn't reciprocate, yet again with the right boundaries in place, it works (one of them is my longest term female friend since we were teens).
Having said all of that, there is one more thing to factor in: most of us males just don't really even want to "befriend" a female, not really, yet they would always sort of "play it" to get what they really want. And I'm not referring to narc types in which this sort of fake relationships is completely fabricated. A "normal" guy would normally don't even realize he doesn't really want to befriend a female.
But there are exceptions, and that tend to change with age.