can we be Friends with our ex (who is not at the level of LO)

A common and understandable desire, can it work?
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LisaTranscending
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can we be Friends with our ex (who is not at the level of LO)

Post by LisaTranscending »

so...ex....he's not at the level of LO since my thoughts about him aren't exactly romantic and hopeful...but more like regretful and sad.
and the frequency of the thoughts and intensity have dramatically declined. but...it can set me into a bad mood when I talk or think about him at times. but...I'm really mostly working on my own soul/heart/body and keeping myself fit and strong and healthy with the occasional slip ups that set me back in all those realms. If it were an exam...I'd give myself an 80.

so my son wants to bring his girlfriend home for a holiday bash I'm having (every year it's a thing with me I get Zabars and have this really great new york jewish thing). it's a big treat because we all just love the fish and bagels and the works. so it's a tradition and he wants to bring the girl.
my youngest was like, "Should we invite dad." okay the divorce is not even a month old. when I asked my son about it he was like, "maybe wait til next year give it some time." long story short...before I could say anything to kid, she invited the dad. which she was like, "but not if you don't want him to come."

in truth...I don't mind him being there. I like him as a person. I just don't want a romantic relationship with him. and for all I know...he's in the exact same place too. (even if he said that stupid thing in front of the judge I don't believe him he was just put on the spot by the judge.)

so he said he "will think about it" was his response to the kid's invite. I mean he may not be ready either and decline and this whole thing will be over by sunday. but if not...sunday is my thing.

IDK....I think it will be okay. it might be awkward right at the get-go...but I'm good at putting any weird situation in a better place..it's probably my strongest attribute actually.

since i don't feel super angry anymore and just a kind of nagging regret about it and some lingering disappointment about him....I know I can cover all that stuff up anyway...since I don't want a romantic relationship with him anyway.

what do you think? IDK...any thoughts or encouragement would be helpful. is this usually a good idea when one has kids and the kids want the dad to participate in old time nostalgia stuff...and meeting the girlfriend and all that?

L-F
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Re: can we be Friends with our ex (who is not at the level of LO)

Post by L-F »

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Last edited by L-F on Thu Oct 10, 2019 10:28 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Spinnaker
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Re: can we be Friends with our ex (who is not at the level of LO)

Post by Spinnaker »

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Last edited by Spinnaker on Sun Jul 07, 2019 6:28 am, edited 1 time in total.
“...the sole purpose of human existence is to kindle a light in the darkness of mere being. It may even be assumed that just as the unconscious affects us, so the increase in our consciousness affects the unconscious.”
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JohnDeux
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Re: can we be Friends with our ex (who is not at the level of LO)

Post by JohnDeux »

Good luck with this decision, Lisa. I can only comment on how terrible my parent's inability to deal with their divorce was to any such gatherings. So if you are able to be there for your kids in this way, ..... be the adults in the room you want them to see,....I say all the power to you! Strength your way!.....
"Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain...."~ The Wizard of Oz

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LisaTranscending
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Re: can we be Friends with our ex (who is not at the level of LO)

Post by LisaTranscending »

Oy vey he is coming. It warmed my heart to see just how happy it made the kid. She spent the evening arranging the house for the holidays. Yes John it's important to put the children first at times. I am glad I got to this point where I can. Seeing her so happy really is healing. I told her I will always love him as a friend just not as a wife. She seemed to understand.

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