Hi Wyldgirl- thanks for the response. We've said we'll meet for coffee now and then, and we've swapped numbers, e-mails etc (she's on facebook but never uses it, so that's out unfortunately). Nothing specific arranged in terms of how often etc, but I think we're unlikely to see each other more than 2 or 3 times a year at the absolute most. My plan is to drop her a text every month or so at first, but I'll reduce that if it's clear that it's always me initiating. Do you think that sounds reasonable?Wyldgirl wrote:Rothko, I have a similar question for you as what I posted to STR up thread... Have you and LO,discussed how you will stay in touch and do you think you will a) follow through with that and if so, b) go no further?
I feel for you. If my LO disappeared right now I would probably implode with feeling unresolved. Even though I haven't disclosed and won't do so, I feel I need him around to see me through the whole gamut whatever that is. If he were gone I worry I would be left with the limerence forever. However, you sound much further along than I am in coping with it all, and I'm anxious to hear how it goes for you. Here's hoping for diminished anguish and genuine healing.
I'm hoping that such a reduction in contact will be enough to reduce my limerence to the level of just a nice little crush that I can indulge myself with now and again but not really think about too often. When I've done NC before for a few weeks at a time, the limerence has reduced so I'm hoping an extended period of NC will see it gradually fade away.
In terms of coping with it, I have moments when I'm calm, in control and quite calculated in terms of what steps I'm taking to help myself out. Actually writing it all on here is therapeutic in itself and gives me something to refer back to, because there are times when I'm not as composed as I might appear to be...I lie in bed awake for hours sometimes making stupid hair-brained plans about how I'm going to disclose to LO and indulging in pointless fantasies about what it would be like spending my life with her. Yet there are other moments when I have these little epiphanies- only today, LO was telling me something about her daughter and how she was planning a makeover for her bedroom. And this is the life that the limerent me wants to intrude on, I was thinking...a little girl's world turned upside down when Mummy has an affair. I have the same thoughts when I'm sitting here late at night and can be jolted out of some daft limerent fantasy when one of the family photographs on the wall catches my eye or I hear the children upstairs.
One of the techniques I picked up from the wise people on here was to see the limerent me and the actual me as two separate entities. I'm the one who sees the reality of the situation and behaves appropriately and respectfully. That limerence dude though- he's a bloody nutcase...I try not to listen to him!