My Question to LO

A common and understandable desire, can it work?
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AMA210
Posts: 1988
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My Question to LO

Post by AMA210 »

Me: Did you ever care about me?
LO: What do you mean?
Me: Did you ever care about me? Yes or no
LO: well, yeah, as a friend
Me: ok, thanks

I was prepared for him to answer No, so I was surprised.
What was the alternative? Sure, I care about you in a romantic way. Sure, I have feelings for you. Sure my SO won't know.

I had to know where he stood.
So if he said he felt the same as I do, then what?
What outcome was I looking for?
Well, we can hang out and talk and connect and laugh and have fun as friends, until I find myself wanting to cross a line one by one and you not stopping me, until we end up in a PA, but it's ok because we tried really hard to avoid that, and now all hell breaks loose.
This would be the end result. I don't want that to happen and LO doesn't either.
There is no winning here for anyone.
The only explanation that makes sense is that we are in each others' paths to be teachers for each other. We have 2 years left in this class.

Heart_Open
Posts: 705
Joined: Mon Nov 28, 2016 3:52 pm

Re: My Question to LO

Post by Heart_Open »

Aquamarine21 wrote:
Thu Jan 26, 2017 2:46 am
Me: Did you ever care about me?
LO: What do you mean?
Me: Did you ever care about me? Yes or no
LO: well, yeah, as a friend
Me: ok, thanks

I was prepared for him to answer No, so I was surprised.
What was the alternative? Sure, I care about you in a romantic way. Sure, I have feelings for you. Sure my SO won't know.

I had to know where he stood.
So if he said he felt the same as I do, then what?
What outcome was I looking for?
Well, we can hang out and talk and connect and laugh and have fun as friends, until I find myself wanting to cross a line one by one and you not stopping me, until we end up in a PA, but it's ok because we tried really hard to avoid that, and now all hell breaks loose.
This would be the end result. I don't want that to happen and LO doesn't either.
There is no winning here for anyone.
The only explanation that makes sense is that we are in each others' paths to be teachers for each other. We have 2 years left in this class.
I could have written this, although have only fantasised over and over asking him how he felt. And the fantas6 ends when I get to the...so what happens next? This has been on a loop for me for 8 years. On one hand, never wanted a man so much, on the other I simply couldnt have him and did not want an affair or relationship within him (although I did want it!).
I too have taken on the belief he is a teacher for me , and I am (was) his. And I have learned so much in that time. You have 2 years before you can go true NC and it might get tough at times. You are likely to continue analysing every last detail, because that's what we do. And each time we return to it, we gain more insight.

AMA210
Posts: 1988
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2016 2:17 pm
Location: Midwest
Gender:
Age: 55
United States of America

Re: My Question to LO

Post by AMA210 »

Absolutely agree with you HeartOpen.
When I knew him for 2 months, he told me, to my surprise, that he cared about me and was worried about me that I was ok and concerned. This before he knew of my feelings for him.
I thought that would have changed in the past few months, given how I had treated him, controlling, manipulative, etc.,
He could have just answered no to my question or walked away, but instead said, well yeah (pause) as a friend.

So looking at things from his perspective, he does care, but reading the letter would have opened Pandora's box and he didn't want to deal with his emotions from it. He was probably confused and that is why he asked the principal for help.

Don't know why he wanted me to come back to lunchroom exactly. I think I made him uncomfortable. He couldn't return the looking at me because there were others there. When I left him the note, it was clear that I was thinking about him and wanted him to be safe, expressing care for him, which he couldn't reciprocate and because he won't admit any emotional feelings to himself because that would lead to an affair and he doesn't want to and I don't either.

It would have been easier if he said I never cared for you. No reciprocation. Done deal.
I have a lot of respect for him because he is doing the right thing here and not taking advantage of my feelings at all. Some guys wouldn't care that much and just get into an affair and then worry about how that will affect their spouse and kids later. He is definitely not selfish.

I could be way off on this, but it's what is coming to me today after seeing him yesterday. :ymhug:

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