Sticky: Tips/thoughts on how to be "just friends" with an LO

A common and understandable desire, can it work?
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NoDayDreaming

Re: Sticky: Tips/thoughts on how to be "just friends" with an LO

Post by NoDayDreaming »

Thanks Patti for your warm words.
Last edited by NoDayDreaming on Thu Sep 19, 2019 4:17 pm, edited 1 time in total.

NoDayDreaming

Re: Sticky: Tips/thoughts on how to be "just friends" with an LO

Post by NoDayDreaming »

I decided to update my story in this thread that i hijacked. it's NC and hopefully that will be the end of this "friendship."
Last edited by NoDayDreaming on Thu Sep 19, 2019 4:17 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Pattihopeful
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Re: Sticky: Tips/thoughts on how to be "just friends" with an LO

Post by Pattihopeful »

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Last edited by Pattihopeful on Sun Jun 28, 2020 1:55 am, edited 1 time in total.

Helpmeplease
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Joined: Thu Sep 06, 2018 12:25 pm
Great Britain

Re: Sticky: Tips/thoughts on how to be "just friends" with an LO

Post by Helpmeplease »

Wow DD that is a big change

Must take getting used to that output and really sad isnt acing as your friend any more but perhaps it's for the best. There isn't any point having friends who aren't really friends.

It's really helpful getting your updates - I want to be friends but feel it probably isn't possible and am getting used to the idea too. I think we will be happier without them once we have got used to the idea (and atop missing them so much).

Hope you are ok. Hope you find some interesting things to get stuck into or time with family.

NoDayDreaming

Re: Sticky: Tips/thoughts on how to be "just friends" with an LO

Post by NoDayDreaming »

I decided to update my story. after more of NC passed and limerence is back to zero, in the sense that i don't hurt anymore, because of course i remember her and think about her daily. i'll be OK without her.
Last edited by NoDayDreaming on Thu Sep 19, 2019 4:16 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Pattihopeful
Posts: 789
Joined: Wed Oct 17, 2018 1:18 pm
Gender:
United States of America

Re: Sticky: Tips/thoughts on how to be "just friends" with an LO

Post by Pattihopeful »

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Last edited by Pattihopeful on Sun Jun 28, 2020 5:24 pm, edited 1 time in total.

NoDayDreaming

Re: Sticky: Tips/thoughts on how to be "just friends" with an LO

Post by NoDayDreaming »

i decided to update this several months later. in retrospect, this why the idea of being just friends with my exLO was a bad idea.

1. friendship is about balance in giving and taking. otherwise it just doesn't work and resentment builds up. in my case it was mostly giving. little giving by the other party.
2. victim personality. that is a hopeless situation and the person can't be helped no matter how hard we try. also, it leads to the above imbalance.
3. hot/cold treatment. she could be incredibly sweet, to later avoid me. real friends don't engage in this. they are honest, consistent and don't play games.
4. narcissistic behavior. a very toxic combo with empathic people like myself.
5. her accepting the idea of friendship after giving a hard rejection first. normal people would want to remove themselves from this situation. she didn't, even though she should have known it will lead to limerence coming back later (she has a long term unresolved limerence on her side).

if i remember anything else, i'll update. thanks for listening.
of course i remember her and think about her from time to time, but it's not triggering in any way. but, strict NC is a must.

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