Sticky: Tips/thoughts on how to be "just friends" with an LO

A common and understandable desire, can it work?
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Helpmeplease
Posts: 675
Joined: Thu Sep 06, 2018 12:25 pm
Great Britain

Re: Sticky: Tips/thoughts on how to be "just friends" with an LO

Post by Helpmeplease »

DD wishing you strength in your depresive episode hope it ends quickly. I am not sure we can be friends with LO, it's potentially too risky and actually with limited upside.

NoDayDreaming

Re: Sticky: Tips/thoughts on how to be "just friends" with an LO

Post by NoDayDreaming »

Helpmeplease wrote:
Sun May 05, 2019 8:22 pm
I am not sure we can be friends with LO, it's potentially too risky and actually with limited upside.
now, i slowly came to a realization that you are completely right. we can't be friends.
Last edited by NoDayDreaming on Thu Sep 19, 2019 4:25 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Helpmeplease
Posts: 675
Joined: Thu Sep 06, 2018 12:25 pm
Great Britain

Re: Sticky: Tips/thoughts on how to be "just friends" with an LO

Post by Helpmeplease »

DD yeah sadness in that realisation for sure but long term it could set you free.

At the moment I cant see why you would remain friends with LO if you have broken free , it's so dangerous. However I would like to be proved wrong and I still have some thoughts I might be able to do it, but I have several months before I need to work on that out.

Isn't it crazy how sometimes you can't be friends who have such a dramatic effect on you, who you think you can't live without and in reality it's the opposite.

NoDayDreaming

Re: Sticky: Tips/thoughts on how to be "just friends" with an LO

Post by NoDayDreaming »

HMP,
it's complicated. what i wrote above is based on my rational mind. however, we often act based on what we feel and not based on what we think.
Last edited by NoDayDreaming on Thu Sep 19, 2019 4:24 pm, edited 1 time in total.

dian
Posts: 41
Joined: Fri Mar 16, 2018 8:58 pm
Austria

Re: Sticky: Tips/thoughts on how to be "just friends" with an LO

Post by dian »

AnnieKaye (and DD)
yes, Im hetero, female and LO is homo and male, 18 years younger than me. Its been going on for almost 5 years now, in the beginning I was sure he would realise, him being bisexual :o) ...(He also felt like the love of my life..., I struggle against dropping this dream.... :D )
Ive had LO s all my life, yet this time, it felt like I would be able to crack it open.
And, it does feel like I was able to take a few steps further. Only 3 months after LE started, I got aware of a major emotional injury by my father.
LO was/is very emotional, I enjoyed him, as for me , I learned to be able to ignore my emotions in order to live my life ,
And DD, when" friendship" was happening in the beginning, it also meant, that I was giving and listening,
when I showed weakness, he "shot" and hurt me.
David was writing in the other thread about (when) LO s being narcissists and the stockholm syndrome, this applies very much for my LO and LE.
My father was a narcissist too and I could always feel, that it is my father, what its really about...
being aware of all of this - a part of myself is a rebell crying out for the nonsense moves.. - and - it does help to see what a narcissist my LO is

NoDayDreaming

Re: Sticky: Tips/thoughts on how to be "just friends" with an LO

Post by NoDayDreaming »

dian wrote:
Wed May 08, 2019 4:03 pm
He also felt like the love of my life..., I struggle against dropping this dream.... :D
it felt so much like this to me. now with LO#2, and earlier with LO#1. what helped me with that was the realization that we could not be compatible with each other and not happy together.
dian wrote:
Wed May 08, 2019 4:03 pm
when I showed weakness, he "shot" and hurt me.
what a POS. that should help you slam the door on him.
dian wrote:
Wed May 08, 2019 4:03 pm
My father was a narcissist too and I could always feel, that it is my father, what its really about...
my mother was like that, probably because she was borderline too. unfortunately i think i inherited the borderline tendency myself (it's hereditary in 40-60%).
Last edited by NoDayDreaming on Thu Sep 19, 2019 4:24 pm, edited 1 time in total.

dian
Posts: 41
Joined: Fri Mar 16, 2018 8:58 pm
Austria

Re: Sticky: Tips/thoughts on how to be "just friends" with an LO

Post by dian »

thank you, DD, all the thoughts support to go further
its the learning how to deal with it that makes all the difference

dian
Posts: 41
Joined: Fri Mar 16, 2018 8:58 pm
Austria

Re: Sticky: Tips/thoughts on how to be "just friends" with an LO

Post by dian »

Your support concerning LO unfolds within me beautifully, DD, another thank you!

NoDayDreaming

Re: Sticky: Tips/thoughts on how to be "just friends" with an LO

Post by NoDayDreaming »

dian,
i'm not sure i understand you, but you're welcome!

dian
Posts: 41
Joined: Fri Mar 16, 2018 8:58 pm
Austria

Re: Sticky: Tips/thoughts on how to be "just friends" with an LO

Post by dian »

Hi DD,
]what a POS. that should help you slam the door on him
first I was shocked!, you insulted HIM!! Then I got aware of a very vulnerable part within myself, that was/is VERY pleased that you stood up for me.
To feel, being supported there , is very good.
And supports me to maybe being better capable of looking after my(vulnerable)self in future... :ar!

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