A married person cannot be friends with an LO

A common and understandable desire, can it work?
Dunk16
Posts: 35
Joined: Wed Nov 16, 2016 1:48 pm

Re: A married person cannot be friends with an LO

Post by Dunk16 » Thu Mar 09, 2017 7:00 pm

I cannot even begin to explain how much this thread helped me these past few days. I've been living in some false sense of reality, thinking that LO and I can be friends. We can't. Plain and simple. I'm mourning that fact, but it is indeed a FACT. I have read and re-read the original post several times. Thank you to all for sharing your thoughts. This board is truly helping me to get a hold of this illness.
"Your beliefs keep you attached to a specific vibrational level. Change your beliefs and you will change your vibration. Change your vibration and you will change your whole world." —Roxana Jones

MrSpock
Posts: 119
Joined: Thu Dec 07, 2017 11:39 pm

Re: A married person cannot be friends with an LO

Post by MrSpock » Mon Dec 11, 2017 8:55 pm

STR wrote:
Wed Dec 24, 2014 6:56 pm
My LO and I cannot do any of these things, because I am married and have a wife. Perhaps I could do some of those “friend” things with a male, but it has taken me a long time to realize that as a married man I simply cannot have female friends. I can have female acquaintances that I am friendly with and that I see once in a while, but such women can never really be considered to be “friends” in the same sense that I might have been friends with them before my marriage or in the sense that I might have male friends now as a married man.
I'm new to the forum and I'm reading old posts.

You're absolutely right, and I wanted to add something: A married person cannot be friends with an LO. AND, a 50-some old man cannot be friends with a 20-some girl (or viceversa).

I have to say this because I happen to be between a rock, a hard-place and a mountain ;) since I'm both married and she could be my daughter. As we all know, we limerent people always try hard to get away with what we want, so I for a long time in my LE I figured I can accept to be just friends with her. And as you, eventually I realized that is not possible because I am married, but, is even much more not possible because of the age gap.

If I were single, or if I had made the COLOSAL mistake of throwing everything in my life just to be with her, as I considered, it would still have been awfully wrong to be with her, and is absolute nonsense to pretend we can be friends, even if I where single.

This limerbeast has plenty of tricks, and we better we aware of all of them.

Cheers.

Havb
Posts: 133
Joined: Sat Nov 25, 2017 1:10 am

Re: A married person cannot be friends with an LO

Post by Havb » Mon Dec 11, 2017 9:14 pm

I agree this is helpful Mr. Spock. I knew this deep down ..but reading it makes me ever more aware of the boundaries I must keep. In my case we cannot even have a normal conversation the way I would have with numerous other male colleagues both married an d unmarried. This is annoying indeed.
“Patience, grasshopper.” Also, “listen to your intuition.”

Endgame
Posts: 165
Joined: Fri Mar 06, 2015 11:09 am

Re: A married person cannot be friends with an LO

Post by Endgame » Mon Dec 11, 2017 9:32 pm

Wow I remember this thread from way back. Made me aware how long I've been lurking around these parts in various guises ha! and nice to remember some old 'faces' from back then.

It was and still is a good thread.

My LO and I really truly tried this and failed, horribly. My fault. We both agreed to the friendzone and it sent me batshit crazy....I think full-blown LE was calmer.

But that's not necessarily a good benchmark....thats friendship with an LO after there has been reciprocation. Which is very hard to shove back in Pandora's box, without superhero levels of discipline (and one person not going all Fatal Attraction).

I do agree marriage is it's own perpetuating prison. It creates a guilt to being friends openly with members of the opposite sex if there is attraction. We don't choose friends who we aren't at least mentally attracted to. We often choose aspirational friends or people who make us feel good. So go figure. And then it cannot be open. But again...im not a good benchmark. I've come to believe that marriage itself is a con of the societal rather than our natural human state. So shoot me; bad blood.

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FreeBird
Posts: 438
Joined: Thu Jul 13, 2017 12:51 am

Re: A married person cannot be friends with an LO

Post by FreeBird » Tue Dec 12, 2017 1:46 am

Dunk16 wrote:
Thu Mar 09, 2017 7:00 pm
I cannot even begin to explain how much this thread helped me these past few days. I've been living in some false sense of reality, thinking that LO and I can be friends. We can't. Plain and simple. I'm mourning that fact, but it is indeed a FACT. I have read and re-read the original post several times. Thank you to all for sharing your thoughts. This board is truly helping me to get a hold of this illness.
I echo this sentiment.
Endgame wrote:
Mon Dec 11, 2017 9:32 pm
We don't choose friends who we aren't at least mentally attracted to. We often choose aspirational friends or people who make us feel good.
True, true
The artist formerly known as limerent-JohnDeux B-)
Me: middle-aged MW
LO: middle-aged MM w/children, good friend of FOO (deceased)
LE: started age 16

Windy1
Posts: 180
Joined: Wed Sep 13, 2017 4:49 pm

Re: A married person cannot be friends with an LO

Post by Windy1 » Tue Dec 12, 2017 4:43 am

Holy Crap, I have been thinking about this issue a lot lately especially since time and NC has got me mourning.

I’ve mentioned in another thread my “twin flame “ friend of the opposite sex frim high school. We have never had any intimacy and although she is attractive, I’ve always thought of her as a sister. My DW had a very difficult time comprehending my relationship with her, but they’re friends in their own right at this time.

My previous massage therapist whom I believe had at least a crush on me tried to make contact and I was very cordial in my response. As others have mentioned in this thread, I didn’t want to give her the impression that I liked her in that way. IF her husband found these messages and even if they were just friendly;WTF would he think, I know what I would!

This brings me to current LO; as much as I would like to be friends and drop a line now and then, I know that it would make things awkward. My limerbrain always has ulterior motivation. FFS it’s just not fair to her, she has a very complicated life and why would I want to gain her attention which is finite, for anything other than outside validation which is the driver of my limerence IMHO.
M-46-married
LO- married late 30’s-early 40’s -work colleagues

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