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Forced No Contact is Coming

A tough thing to do - the pros and cons
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Constant123
Posts: 61
Joined: Tue Apr 09, 2019 5:08 am
Belize

Forced No Contact is Coming

Post by Constant123 » Sat Aug 31, 2019 2:31 pm

In a matter of days my LO has come to the decision he’s quitting the job where we make contact and moving away. This had been an agonizing decision and I have been front and center in seeing him go through it- offering support and even telling him I hoped he would stay.

I can’t lie - I am gutted and barely made it through finding out with many others around. Did my best to get through and ducked out as soon as I could - because I was a bawling mess as soon as I got to my car.

There is no place anymore that I can count on seeing him like I did before. We began to forge a friendship between our families in the last couple of weeks. Was he trying to form a bridge so that when he left the job we would remain connected? Maybe??

I know he tried to stay at this job and circumstances didn’t work in his favor. I have relied on him for over a year now to brighten my days , to make me feel special ( or not 😂). Panic and anxiety are setting in over what comes next. Basically never seeing him again. My SO has become quite attached to this man as well and he’s sad about it- he’s processing it with me and it’s hard.

I’m debating using this opportunity to pull away now - just not make any effort to connect and let LC become NC. This will be hard because I know my SO will wan to spend time with him. And my best girlfriends and I have discussed spending time with his wife in the next couple of weeks. Perhaps I can come up with excuses and just let it go. Or soldier through so as not to be a jerk who suddenly removes my friendship. This is going to take a lot of strength no matter what.

Constant123
Posts: 61
Joined: Tue Apr 09, 2019 5:08 am
Belize

Re: Forced No Contact is Coming

Post by Constant123 » Sat Aug 31, 2019 4:22 pm

I just reread what I wrote. And I can see how foolish it seems. And selfish. The answer to my problem is obvious. Find the best way out and focus on my husband and kids and let this man do the same. It will be extremely painful. It is what it is. Main thing is to keep integrity intact for all involved.

NVTS
Posts: 535
Joined: Wed Sep 13, 2017 4:49 pm
Fiji

Re: Forced No Contact is Coming

Post by NVTS » Sat Aug 31, 2019 11:38 pm

Constant, NC is hard but keep in mind that this will either allow you to do the “heavy lifting” or you can go into hyper-rumination about LO. It has taken a LOOOOOOOONG time for me to figure this out: sending you strength!!
M-47-married
LO- married 48,work colleagues

Bridget
Posts: 173
Joined: Sat Mar 09, 2019 2:18 am
Gender:
United States of America

Re: Forced No Contact is Coming

Post by Bridget » Sun Sep 01, 2019 7:30 am

My LO left our job, and that hurt for awhile, but we were friends and got together occasionally. If I could go back in time, I would have gone LC at that time. It would have saved me years of grief.

Helpmeplease
Posts: 630
Joined: Thu Sep 06, 2018 12:25 pm
Great Britain

Re: Forced No Contact is Coming

Post by Helpmeplease » Mon Sep 02, 2019 7:20 am

It's good news C123, but may not seem like it, and probably seems scary and sad. But it's a gift to help you focus on you and your family.

Wishing you strength!

Constant123
Posts: 61
Joined: Tue Apr 09, 2019 5:08 am
Belize

Re: Forced No Contact is Coming

Post by Constant123 » Mon Sep 02, 2019 4:28 pm

Yes - it is good news for sure. Even though it’s crushing me. Working daily on figuring out how to act in the most healthy way that leaves me feeling good about myself when all is said and done. There is some tough stuff in my life around grieving that needs to be done - I can see that this was a way of focusing on everything but what I should emotionally. I’m actually struggling with the idea that I’d almost rather not see him at all or have to say goodbye because I’ll be a mess. I’m sure that might seem rude - but in the end maybe it’s necessary?

Thanks for a the good wishes. Hoping everyone else has a good day.

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