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Low Contact: Anybody have success with this?

A tough thing to do - the pros and cons
Pattihopeful
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Low Contact: Anybody have success with this?

Post by Pattihopeful » Thu Aug 08, 2019 11:53 pm

Has anyone successfully overcome this being low contact? I am setting my job up to have minimal interaction. The rest of this month can be very low. I am giving myself until after the first meeting to see if I can do this. I also am planning everything so if I do leave, someone can just walk into the position. Today is a good day which I am thankful for.
Last edited by Pattihopeful on Fri Aug 09, 2019 2:37 pm, edited 1 time in total.

MrSpock
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Re: Low Contact Successes

Post by MrSpock » Fri Aug 09, 2019 2:54 am

Hi Patti,

YES, it is possible. Is a much slower road, but can be done. And I know from my own experience.

I just shared "the usual class overlap" with her, a couple of hours ago, and I'm surprised to see how I barely noticed her presence or needed anything from her at all.

In fact, at some point I was walking to get some stuff, which she had just left on a certain corner. So, we totally crossed path. But to my own surprise, about the time she crossed right past me, I noticed that I was so much focused on the thing I was walking toward to pick up, that I didn't at all notice that she came from right there, not until that point where she walked right next to me. Initially I sort of regretted not having taken "the opportunity" to interact with her, or check if she was looking or whatever, but immediately I noticed that it actually wasn't a big deal, and that I wasn't even paying any attention to the fact that she was just there.

Just like you, I got a pretty clear rejection. So what worked for me is to get it into my head that whatever it might have been, is over, and there is nothing left. In some distant future, some normal classmates relationship might (re?)emerge, I don't know. But right now is all over and that is exactly what I need, contrary to what I "feel that I need".

Pattihopeful
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Re: Low Contact Successes

Post by Pattihopeful » Fri Aug 09, 2019 5:20 am

Thank you! I am going to give it a whirl. Every day I go, I feel stronger. His primping in our work meeting the other day was a total turn off. I mean asking the person you rejected how they liked your hair and was it too short. I wish I would have thought to say, "Don't worry it will grow back."

Yes I clearly had a rejection. Thanks for understanding. I love how you say "Right now it's over and that is exactly what I need contrary to what I feel I need." That is my new phrase.

Thanks for sharing your story!

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Celestialbody
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Re: Low Contact: Anybody have success with this?

Post by Celestialbody » Fri Aug 09, 2019 3:15 pm

From my experience, I think it's harder when you have to work with someone at a job vs. TKD classes (which are voluntary). If I wasn't stuck here, I'd be gone.
Last edited by Celestialbody on Mon Aug 19, 2019 6:20 pm, edited 1 time in total.

daydreamer
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Re: Low Contact: Anybody have success with this?

Post by daydreamer » Fri Aug 09, 2019 3:35 pm

i personally failed in LC environment, and it wasn't even work, just long distance voluntary contact. only NC worked for me. i think most addictions are like this, one needs to quit cold turkey (or wean out slowly). i never heard about treating addiction (like alcohol) by just drinking less indefinitely. we have no free will or control at that stage of addiction. now, they do treat addiction chemically, so that's a choice. another choice is substituting addiction with another less harmful. they do that with heroine/methadone. one has to throw herself/himself into something else with a great passion to distract the first addiction.
YMMV
I'm limerence free and I'm not afraid of it anymore. I learn something new about myself and life everyday. There is hope and so much more. NC works. Be free, be happy! In retrospect, the LE was about the best thing that happened in my life.

MrSpock
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Re: Low Contact: Anybody have success with this?

Post by MrSpock » Fri Aug 09, 2019 5:32 pm

One thing I should probably add is that this week in particular, I just happen to be in the middle of a ridiculous, hilarious actually, train of external troubles.
Just a small sample: my mom is in ICU due to a respiratory complication of her long term illness (she's progressing but there was a fear that she might not make it). We (my team and I) haven't been paid yet (at the 9th) and no one knows what happened and when will the matter be resolved. Right on top of just that, I've been told by the accountant that I have to pay the "Argentinian IRS" a load of money, for the yearly income tax, in just one payment, and not in 6 or more months as I planned to. I replaced my glasses but the new ones have the mistake that I now can't read at short distance (like the cellphone).

All of that this week, so I was thinking that maybe my new found "freedom from her" is related to the fact that I have way too much in my plate already and there is no room for limerence.

Or maybe that's not the case at all. We'll see shortly when all of these others matters are solved.

mamasita
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Re: Low Contact: Anybody have success with this?

Post by mamasita » Fri Aug 09, 2019 8:07 pm

daydreamer wrote:
Fri Aug 09, 2019 3:35 pm
i personally failed in LC environment, and it wasn't even work, just long distance voluntary contact. only NC worked for me. i think most addictions are like this, one needs to quit cold turkey (or wean out slowly). i never heard about treating addiction (like alcohol) by just drinking less indefinitely. we have no free will or control at that stage of addiction. now, they do treat addiction chemically, so that's a choice. another choice is substituting addiction with another less harmful. they do that with heroine/methadone. one has to throw herself/himself into something else with a great passion to distract the first addiction.
YMMV
I totally agree. Convincing myself that "things can be normal" didn't last long. The reality was that because of how far my limerence went, I could not go back and un-feel all of the feelings or remove that "high" from within.
I wish for no contact because I am much healthier within when he is not around. I saw him 6 days ago after not seeing him for months and now I'm back to wondering if I will ever get back to feeling good again. The LO exposes all of the crap inside of me that is insecure/lonely/desperate/wounded. When there's no contact I feel like I can swim. After being around him, I have been drowning in tall waves and barely catching my breath. :(

Maddie
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Re: Low Contact: Anybody have success with this?

Post by Maddie » Fri Aug 09, 2019 8:44 pm

To what Mamasita said...that makes a lot of sense bc I'm on about a week of NC (we are friends on FB but no messaging) and I saw him yesterday just from a distance...I was with my spouse. I thought I'd have a heart attack! so apparently in limerence, a lot of the time very minimal contact can be unsettling (to say the least). to use Mama's analogy...I wanna swim, damn it! LOL
39, F
LO, 50 , M
Mental health is an ongoing commitment to reality at all costs-- (M Scott Peck)

Pattihopeful
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Re: Low Contact: Anybody have success with this?

Post by Pattihopeful » Fri Aug 09, 2019 9:32 pm

Thanks, everyone. My contact with him, even when lower, is unpredictable. I think it creates intermitant reinforcement and make this continue to grow.

I have had NC since Tuesday and my thoughts of him are way down. So yes, I can see where NC would be better for everything.

MrSpock
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Re: Low Contact: Anybody have success with this?

Post by MrSpock » Fri Aug 09, 2019 10:06 pm

Yes Patti, in terms of result, NC is absolutely the way to go. But know that at least in some cases, if that is not an option and you have to settle with LC, that still can work.

Another experience of mine is from 20 years ago. I got rejected by my then LO but I settled to be friends with her. For the first, I don't know... 8 or 10 months it was nothing but pain, we saw each other every weekend for the church activities.. but eventually I started to move on until eventually we became just friends (we still see each other every now and then as just friends). So, it might not be common but it can be done if NC is not possible
(back then NC was absolutely possible but I wanted to keep and keep and keep trying to be just friends until it happened)

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