Information: Please take a moment and visit your profile to choose a flag.

Starting NC

A tough thing to do - the pros and cons
Post Reply
daydreamer
Posts: 961
Joined: Wed Nov 07, 2018 5:44 pm
Gender:
United States of America

Re: Starting NC

Post by daydreamer » Sat Aug 17, 2019 1:45 pm

Angel, poor thing. it's probably the worst thing to be in, in reciprocated LE (that most of us stupidly dream about in the first place). here is an idea: your home/apartment make over. when i went NC, we happened to start a home painting project and i used every bit of my free time doing it. it helped.
Last edited by daydreamer on Sat Aug 17, 2019 11:52 pm, edited 2 times in total.
I'm limerence free and I'm not afraid of it anymore. I learn something new about myself and life everyday. There is hope and so much more. NC works. Be free, be happy! In retrospect, the LE was about the best thing that happened in my life.

Maddie
Posts: 1035
Joined: Fri Feb 02, 2018 1:09 am
Gender:
United States of America

Re: Starting NC

Post by Maddie » Sat Aug 17, 2019 2:02 pm

Angel

You are so brave. So glad you were (are) able to be honest with DH!!!

Hugs. Keep up the good work!
39, F
LO, 50 , M
Mental health is an ongoing commitment to reality at all costs-- (M Scott Peck)

leahdines19
Posts: 17
Joined: Mon Jul 08, 2019 10:43 am
New Zealand

Re: Starting NC

Post by leahdines19 » Sat Aug 17, 2019 10:30 pm

I start to pray, which I haven’t been able to for awhile because I couldn’t face God with all my shame. And the deep feelings of remorse come at how selfish I’ve been.
[/quote]
Dear Angel,

You are greatly loved by God and He reaches out to you where you are. God is not petty. He is greater than any of the struggles we messed up humans have. Never for a moment think that you would have to be ashamed to a God who is love himself. He is abundant in mercy and compassion.

I share in your pain. It is hard to even think of anything else when you are in limerence. I also have gone NC for a week now and have the most caring friend who is generous enough to meet my emotional needs at this time. However, there are times that I am reduced to tears. The compulsion to make contact is strong sometimes especially when I am alone with my thoughts. It is annoying though because I know how LO is just so wrong for me. He doesn't really care how I feel.I think I will heed the advice to take refuge in this forum.

You take care. I have been praying Psalm 51 (sometimes psalm 50 in other versions "create in me a clean heart") and Psalm 23. These give me some comfort in times of desperation.

Angel
Posts: 168
Joined: Fri Jul 19, 2019 12:52 pm
United States of America

Re: Starting NC

Post by Angel » Sun Aug 18, 2019 3:14 am

leahdines19 wrote:
Sat Aug 17, 2019 10:30 pm
Dear Angel,

You are greatly loved by God and He reaches out to you where you are. God is not petty. He is greater than any of the struggles we messed up humans have. Never for a moment think that you would have to be ashamed to a God who is love himself. He is abundant in mercy and compassion.

I share in your pain. It is hard to even think of anything else when you are in limerence. I also have gone NC for a week now and have the most caring friend who is generous enough to meet my emotional needs at this time. However, there are times that I am reduced to tears. The compulsion to make contact is strong sometimes especially when I am alone with my thoughts. It is annoying though because I know how LO is just so wrong for me. He doesn't really care how I feel.I think I will heed the advice to take refuge in this forum.

You take care. I have been praying Psalm 51 (sometimes psalm 50 in other versions "create in me a clean heart") and Psalm 23. These give me some comfort in times of desperation.
Thanks so much LD for your encouragement and reaching out so compassionately!! 10 days NC, support from my SO and good friends, and hope in a forgiving God... I don’t know how else I would have gotten this far! The compulsion has been extremely strong, and if it were not for my two friends keeping me accountable, I may have bowed to that communicating with him again.

It was meditating through Psalm 51 that gave me the strength to break off with my LO and start NC.

Angel
Posts: 168
Joined: Fri Jul 19, 2019 12:52 pm
United States of America

Re: Starting NC

Post by Angel » Sun Aug 18, 2019 3:22 am

daydreamer wrote:
Sat Aug 17, 2019 1:45 pm
Angel, poor thing. it's probably the worst thing to be in, in reciprocated LE (that most of us stupidly dream about in the first place). here is an idea: your home/apartment make over. when i went NC, we happened to start a home painting project and i used every bit of my free time doing it. it helped.
Yes, a reciprocated LE might seem a dream, but even while I was in it, the emotions were so incredibly painful. Two very broken people projecting their hopes and ideals onto each other in a relationship that should not exist. It would not have ended well in any imagined fantasy “ever after.”

I do have work looming over me - I already missed a deadline, and I’d I could immerse myself in that work, I would be fine. Unfortunately, the work reminds me of LO and the mental and emotional strain of trying to do it has been overwhelming. I just can’t seem to compartmentalize, and I may well have to let go of this contract.
Last edited by Angel on Mon Aug 19, 2019 4:50 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Angel
Posts: 168
Joined: Fri Jul 19, 2019 12:52 pm
United States of America

Re: Starting NC

Post by Angel » Mon Aug 19, 2019 12:49 pm

Day 11:

There were moments of intense sadness, but I realize with being people I love around me helps a lot. After church, I had a date with SO, and it was so gratifying being with someone who has been there for me for so long (married for 24, dated for 7).

It hurts SO that I still have deep feelings for this other man. He is trying to understand and some of the discussion that I’ve read about projecting, unresolved FOO issues makes a lot of sense to me and him. He just wants me to get better and learn to love myself.

And I don’t want to be in a headspace where LE can ever happen again. This has been and continues to be so painful.

Maddie
Posts: 1035
Joined: Fri Feb 02, 2018 1:09 am
Gender:
United States of America

Re: Starting NC

Post by Maddie » Mon Aug 19, 2019 4:28 pm

I hear ya! It's scary for me to think about...."How bad could this obsession get?" if it's not checked...

Sounds like you're putting in some hard work. Kudos to your SO too. You seem so thankful for him 😊
39, F
LO, 50 , M
Mental health is an ongoing commitment to reality at all costs-- (M Scott Peck)

Angel
Posts: 168
Joined: Fri Jul 19, 2019 12:52 pm
United States of America

Re: Starting NC

Post by Angel » Mon Aug 19, 2019 4:42 pm

Maddie wrote:
Mon Aug 19, 2019 4:28 pm
I hear ya! It's scary for me to think about...."How bad could this obsession get?" if it's not checked...

Sounds like you're putting in some hard work. Kudos to your SO too. You seem so thankful for him 😊
I am, but even that rebuilding of my marriage is so much more complicated than I ever imagined.

Angel
Posts: 168
Joined: Fri Jul 19, 2019 12:52 pm
United States of America

Re: Starting NC

Post by Angel » Tue Aug 20, 2019 2:45 pm

Not even two weeks and I broke NC. Just climbing aboard the train again - hoping to get farther this time.

Maddie
Posts: 1035
Joined: Fri Feb 02, 2018 1:09 am
Gender:
United States of America

Re: Starting NC

Post by Maddie » Tue Aug 20, 2019 5:07 pm

What happened?
39, F
LO, 50 , M
Mental health is an ongoing commitment to reality at all costs-- (M Scott Peck)

Post Reply

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest